No, I haven’t got any actual content for you. Sorry about that but what with one thing and another (mostly the other) it just ain't happening. Lest anyone think I had died, succumbed to The Fear or worse I just did some Coming Attractions and studded them into a load of words about nothing. Coming Soon: Statue Fondling For Beginners!
So I thought we might have a little chat you and I.
I mean when I got the call from Mr. Hibbs I just went NuuuRRRR! and kind of ran at the whole business with my chin tucked in to present less of a target. See, if I think about doing something I, well, I never do it. (Judging by the shape of my life I do a lot of thinking.) A pause has occurred so I thought I should maybe introduce myself and, no, no need to guess my name as it’s John Kane and I’m a recover….oh, wrong room.
I am an old Englishman. I use the JohnK (UK) thing not because I am proud of my birth nation (I came of age in the ‘80s so developing pride in my country was never on the table) but because of the Internet. I did start out as “Lamont Cranston” (obviously!) but there was sudden outbreak of decisiveness and I tried to use at least a close approximation of my own name. Sadly other people tended to share whichever username I came up with and, well, some of those people had opinions I didn't want to be associated with. Sticking (UK) on the end solved that. Just in case you thought I was going to start banging on about The Raj or how you Yanks backed the wrong horse when you decided to strike out on your own.
Turns out after trial and error that I’ll not really be concentrating on current comics due to a number of reasons. These being the reasons which now follow. Current comics are pretty well covered and the people covering them do it far better than pretty well. I could still add my voice to the crowd but probably won’t because I just can’t do the whole timeliness thing. Once a month I send some money to my LCS and they send me some comics. What I can write about current comics depends almost totally on what’s in that box. Why do I send them money and why do they send me a parcel? Because my LCS isn't very local at all. I used to live near them but now I don’t but since they have a nice clean shop with knowledgeable, helpful staff, a wide range of stock embracing both the mainstream and the margins and the owner looks like Billy Batson I continue to do business with OKComics in Leeds. (Am I allowed to mention them, Mr. Hibbs?) It’s mostly the Billy Batson thing, though.
So, the contents of the box dictates what I write. Because if there’s nothing in the box I want to talk about I go in the garage. This contains The Kane Archive and I reckon the stuff therein is sufficiently temporally and creatively diffuse that talking about it should be of value. Of course, whether that talking is itself of value is out of the garage’s hands. Actually, you know what, the next time that box arrives I’m going to write something about everything in it. (Obviously this will be the precise moment my LCS sends me my backlog of Housewives At Play.) What? Oh, of course I could have pretty much any comic within hours of its release! I am aware of that. I am aware of the processes involved and since I share the magic of my life with someone who works in IT those processes pose no obstacle. But…yeah, stealing innit?
And, no, no I don’t think comics were better in the past. I don’t think they are better now either. Because I’m always reading comics from all over the Timestream I tend to see all comics as being Now. I mean, this is clearly a horeshit way to approach things that totally flies in the face of sense and really gives it the frights what with its flapping wings and all. It’s a bit like that theory of Time Alan Moore keeps pushing about how every moment is occurring at exactly the same instant and if we could find a way to look we would see a whole lot of images we’d rather no one else saw probably involving the bathroom and unorthodox use of hand wash on areas other than hands during our teenage years.
Apparently I just didn't try hard enough this year as Santa deigned fit to not grace me with any comics whatsoever. I have a sneaking suspicion that Santa shares the household attitude of “humour but don’t encourage” when it comes to comics. So no CONVERSATIONS WITH HOWARD VICTOR CHAYKIN for me! A book I am actually hesitant to get as I fear it can only disappoint expecting as I am transcriptions of conversations with Howard Victor Chaykin as he goes about his humble business on a daily basis. Basically I’m hoping to read about him telling the milkman that it “ain't the heat, it’s the humidity!” or bemoaning to his grocer that surely chocolate bars used to be bigger, or maybe his hands were smaller back in the day and, hey, I hear eating fish gives men titties what with all the hormones in the water. It's probably just some incisive comments on the art of comic bookery or something though. I don't know, do I, Santa!?
Coming Soon: How To Honk Off An Entire Generation of DC Fans In Three (Fantastic) Issues!
Oh, I did get some comics stuff but without the comics. I mean I got some magnets with DC characters on. I don’t know what they are for but, yes, they are fine magnets with DC characters on them. I got a wallet with MARVEL comics covers. There’s just something humorously appropriate about receiving an empty wallet festooned with MARVEL characters. These were nice, thoughtful gifts but the best was a Captain America T-shirt adorned with a B/W Jack Kirby splash page. There were also Jack Kirby images on the wallet. I can tell you now that everyone’s Christmas Day was enriched no end by the sight of an old man self harming himself with shattered Christmas baubles and shrieking like a fishwife about how Jack Kirby Never Gave Up On US! Man, kids sure can cry a lot when they get going. Got some book vouchers though and you know what they went on (books).So, yeah, judging by the lack of four colour gifts I guess I just wasn't hungry enough this year according to Santa. Christ, that Santa. What a judgmental prick.
Did you have a nice Christmas? I hope SO!
What comics did Santa bring YOU?
And as ever my thanks to The Savage Critics for letting me blemish their site and also to all who read, comment and generally endure me out there in the wilds of The Internet. It is not unappreciated at all. REALLY. Actrually, you could probably just go right on ahead and say it's appreciated. If, you know, you were emotionally demonstrative.
Next time: Proper content!
Cheers and have lovely weekend!