Who are we to deny it in here? HIbbs on Todd: the movie

The good thing about Tim Burton's SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET is that it really works remarkably as a film -- I went in with a fair deal of trepidation over the changes I knew were coming, but virtually all of them worked pretty darn well. The cuts to the libretto that were made, were overall, pretty good -- I didn't really know if it could survive removing the (various) "Ballad(s) of Sweeney Todd", but, for the most part one didn't miss them. And while a couple of pieces were missed (I was sort of looking forward to the four-part disharmony of "Kiss Me/Ladies in Their Sensitivities"), it kicked the momentum of the story dramatically forward. I'm glad, of course, that Judge Turpin's "Johanna" ("Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpa") was cut, because that's pretty much the one song even in the full version that I can live without. Other than that, most of the cuts were in Act II, with the "Wigmaker Sequence" and "The Letter" and "Parlor Songs" all excised completely.

Several other songs were pretty dramatically truncated -- "Green Finch and Linnet Bird" was maybe half of its normal length, "Pirelli's Miracle Elixir" seemed chopped down, and "The Contest" was as short as it could be (the original original version goes on and on and on, featuring BOTH a shaving contest, AND a tooth-pulling one, too!). "God That's Good" cut out all of the general public embracing the pies, as well as all of the business of bringing in the chair and "...I have another friend!" (Sweeney builds his own in this version, in songless montage), but again, they mostly got their points across fairly well. But the cut in length that probably bothered me the most was to "A Little Priest" which seemed like about 2/3rds its normal length, and THAT just seems wrong to me to cut by even a single bar.

But one things that the cuts do is basically remove all of the humor from the play entirely. To me, one of the greatest things about SWEENEY is that, yes, it is a astonishingly dark Shakespearean-level tragedy, steeped in blood and horror and madness, but it is also laugh-out-loud, slap-your-knee hysterical in places. Which, I think, is eminently necessary because murder and meat pies needs some levity to not have it be desperately bleak. But in this version, a lot of the jokes are either cut, or delivered so seriously as to dull them and render them dark, not funny.

The singing itself is pretty Eh -- everyone can carry a tune alright, but most of the actors (being actors and not singers) don't have enough depth or range in their voices to carry it off. When Depp first started singing, I went "Oh god, this is going to be a rough ride", but by the second time I started to throw away my preconception of the deep strong voice needed for the role because Depp's *acting* is so strong and nuanced.

Bonham-Carter, on the other hand, wow, she can't sing at all, sounding far too weak and whispery and "little girly" to really carry it off at all. And while Depp did hid best portrayal of Todd, Bonham-Carter seemed to me as if she was playing... well, Bonham-Carter for the most part, and I didn't get any real sense of Mrs. Lovett, as opposed to girl-who-looks-physically-right-playing-against-Depp-as-Romantic-Leads. I thought Bonham-Carter's line-readings were mostly wrong, and that she just rushed through too many of the proper shadings in "Worst Pies in London" or "A Little Priest". SHe's also (well, everyone is, really, with the sole exception of Toby) something like 10 years too young for the role. Interestingly, I thought on the few occasions when she went down an octave or two, it fit the songs and character much better, and she sounded as if she had a fuller, rounder voice. Her acting was fine though.

The orchestration was really excellent, with a much much larger orchestra than usually performs SWEENEY, though there's certainly times it swells way up to compensate for the less-than-professional singing. There's a couple of places where I swore I could also hear cuts between different takes as they tried to match Depp and Bonham-Carter up (I've read that they were in different studios to record and different times, and, I think there are 1-2 places where it seems a little obvious. There's a pretty glaring cut where Sascha Baron Cohen's Pirelli does that high note, and it didn't sound at all like his own voice (sounded like a woman's voice, honestly)

Cohen was really great as Pirelli (as I think we all expected him to be), and his singing was probably stronger than Depp's, but I think it was Alan Rickman's singing voice that surprised me the most for being stronger than I would expect for an actor-not-singer. His duet with Depp on "Pretty Women" is really very nice.

All of the kids were adequate, I guess -- the girl playing Johanna didn't seem to have any of the gothic haunted madness that I want to see in the character ("Green Finch and Linnet Bird" seemed more like "I like birds" than "Oh god, I'm trapped in this cage and I NEED TO GET OUT!", the latter being the way I like), and the boy playing Anthony seemed less than a sailor who has "sailed the seas, and seen its wonders", then someone who still had to finish their senior year in high school, but both sung well enough, and, anyway, their parts were basically shortened enough so that it didn't matter much either way. The one bit I did like was the physical staging of Johanna's near-miss at the end worked a lot better than it has in any staged version I've seen, but Anthony sort of just disappears about 10 minutes before the end of the movie and we never see him again.

Having an actual child play Toby is, I suppose, logical, but I still prefer the slightly-retarded-young-man model ala Broadway, because I think his youth really works against "Not While I'm Around" in a pretty big fashion, and it completely blows the humor of "Gentlemen, you're about to see something that rose from the dead. (woman's gasp of impropriety) On the top of my head!" when it's a 10-year old delivering the line. I also had a much harder time with Toby's finale (with 90% of it, probably wisely, being excised, really) with him being a kid, and there was a brand new bit of business involving Gin that I thought just didn't work at all either.

But even with all of my griping about the weak singing, and the casting, this still worked very very well as a movie -- without the humor, it's just a pretty terrifying thrill ride, probably darker than anything Burton has ever done before, and it zips along well as a film. Even Tzipora, who usually rolls her eyes at my love of Sweeney, and who hasn't seen it all the way through except for once 15-ish years ago on a lousy quality video cassette, was well entertained walking out of the theater, saying she enjoyed it. But she, like I, sort of has a hard time picture it doing well at the box office -- Depp fans who know him from commercial-ish stuff like PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN probably won't respond well to the gore and darkness of this; it's big-time NOT a movie that you walk-out of thinking "Merry Christmas!!"; and the studio has been, I think, both under-promoting it, as well as trying to cut trailers that underplay the fact it is a musical.

Overall, I liked it to at least call it GOOD, and maybe even VERY GOOD, but I also think the worst cut was losing its sense of humor. Having the cast all rise from the dead at the end to sing the "Ballad(s)" helped I think relieve some of the unrelenting darkness of the play that ending the movie on an image of the most blood-drenched version of The Pieta that you've ever seen just doesn't do. No, that was an arresting, disturbing image to end a powerfully made movie, but I want to see all of the corpses get up at that point and remind me that "To seek revenge may lead to hell/ but everyone does it and seldom as well"; somehow that makes it easier to bear.

Parenthetically, the single weirdest thing about the film was that before it started (but after the trailers, and the "Silence is Golden", and the THX logo) there was this 5-ish minute long thing that sort of just showed clip after clip of previous Burton/Depp collaborations. It didn't have a voice over, or a narrative and it went back and forth from film to film with no real rhyme or reason that I could see, and it felt like someone somewhere was trying to say "you liked these other films, please please don't walk out of this one". Strangest god-damn thing I've ever seen before a film in my life, and I honestly don't get it.

Either way, it's good, go see it -- then rent the DVD of the stage play (or, better still, go see the touring stage company) to compare.

What did YOU think?

-B

Oy To The World: Jeff Looks at the 12/19 Books (Part 1 of 2)

I mean this in the least Chicken Little-ish way possible, but Good Lord, this marketplace is glutted. I'm not sure how big or small a week retailers would consider this to be, but there are 80+ items that came into CE this week under the classification of "comic book" (and an additional 35+ items under books, mags & stuff). No wonder Hibbs talks in his latest Tilting about his newfound "I see dead trades" superpowers and how to best use them for the good of his store. The big two have their furnaces open wide and are shoveling terrifying levels of product onto the market, which may be fine for them--in the non-returnable market, they're at least making their money back--but I would think it would get harder and harder for retailers to make what could be considered profit. I mean, I'm not a retailer (and I'm not at all good with money, in fact) but how is a retailer supposed to take home any cash when each invoice grows bigger than the last? It's tough because the titles I like from the big two are frequently considered marginal titles (like Blue Beetle) to say nothing of all those lovely reprints they're putting out, but I find the situation as a whole is troubling.

Or maybe I hide my grumbling about how many comics I have to review in the guise of worrying about the direct marekt. I dunno.

ARMY @ LOVE #10: Veitch's pacing is top-notch; he's moving his characters along on their personal arcs at a decent clip; really, the only complaint is that now that he's put forward his themes of how warfare and entertainment are dovetailing, and how the corrupt boomers and the self-absorbed Gen X and Y'ers are each responsible for it, I'm not sure if he knows where to go with it. For a work of satire, it doesn't seem angry or outraged or, despite the every issue's naked boob, particularly titillated. It's GOOD work but I feel it's missing the potential to become something greater, to take the sort of risks a more impassioned--and less mature--artist might make.

BATMAN & THE OUTSIDERS #3: I can kinda/sorta see the rationale for the issue--two of the more prominent members of the old Outsiders team are now in the Justice League so have them show up here for some insta-conflict--but the results are the standard "we're going to talk/now we're going to fight/well, we're back to talking, we're all on the same side, aren't we?" set of scenes that make me think all superhero comic book writers grew up with alcoholic parents. Julian Lopez's art is pretty (and keeps the cheesecake out of the fight scenes, which is a plus) although the characters' acting is a bit broad. I guess if you can swallow the conceit of the issue--which I couldn't, frankly--you could go with a low OK. Me, I'll take the EH road.

BIRDS OF PREY #113: Apart from the last three pages where Superman acts like a judgmental dick for no good reason, I liked this: I can't really tell if Nicola Scott can do action scenes yet, but her characters look great and "act" well, and McKeever has all the main characters' voices down. The ending was overwrought, and a re-read shows that maybe the page-turns were a little forced, but I'd go highly OK for this, despite the ending. I'd like to see next ish.

CAPTAIN AMERICA CHOSEN #5: I feel sorry for David Morrell here--whatever reason he had for this mini, it seems utterly moot in light of the current Cap storyline. The whole thing looks and feels like something that was supposed to come out in the John Ney Rieber/Cassaday "relevant" era (if you can eight months an era). Although, honestly, I wouldn't have liked it then, either. I'll go sub-EH out of pity (and respect for a guy who's written some bitchin' action novels) but it's not good at all.

CATWOMAN #74: That cover hurts my neck just to look at it. Seriously, Adam Hughes, if you're going to put Audrey Hepburn's head on Pamela Anderson's body, at least pretend there's a spine connecting them. Inside, the action scenes alternated between dynamic and a bit confusing, the plot has a few bits I can't buy, and Calculator's whole "if I'm not back at my computers in an hour, the city will lose power!" scheme for protecting himself is pretty lame (and plot-convenient). I wasn't crazy about the ending either, so I think I'm going with a high EH on this one. It had its moments, though.

COUNTDOWN ARENA #3: That bit where bald Superman grabs the heat vision of Dark Knight Superman and Red Son Superman and uses it to clonk their heads together (because the heat vision is still coming out of their eyes) is such a dramatic misunderstanding of how a particular power works--it's like if you read a Fantastic Four book and The Thing pulled rocks off his body and threw them at people--I was rendered giddy at the dopiness of it all. Most of this train wreck isn't nearly as entertaining (although there is one panel where one Wonder Woman appears to put her foot through another Wonder Woman's uterus), just mindless and messy in an AWFUL early 90s Image book kind of way. However, I hold out hope that next issue someone will grab the speed lines coming off the Flash and garrote somebody else with them.

COUNTDOWN RAY PALMER SUPERWOMAN BATWOMAN #1: A story so intricately constructed it needed two writers, four pencilers, and six inkers: The Challengers go to a planet where everyone's gender is reversed and Wonder Man and his army of amazons get their asses kicked for twenty pages. That's it. And while refreshingly free of cheesecake, isn't that the only thing that would've made this interesting? There's something dishonest about making a planet where all the DC Heroes are Heroines and not then fucking with a fanboy's complex internal relationship with his or her favorite superhero (I'll admit I thought female Aquaman was really hot, for what it's worth). I mean, what's the point otherwise? To point out how ragingly sexist the power line-up of the DCU actually is?

To be fair, there was something almost Silver Age about this issue's execution--it finds each new iteration of reversed gender fascinating for its own sake, the way a Mort Weisinger book would--and that's kinda charming. But because this book exists for absolutely no other reason than to bilk money from the Countdown completist, it's really just a cynical cash grab which is an AWFUL thing to be.

COUNTDOWN TO FINAL CRISIS 19: I gotta give it up for colorist Pete Pantazis--he assigns a pallette to each set of characters which makes it easy for the reader to follow the scene changes quickly. Also, I think the reason I initially thought the art was the best in this issue I'd seen was the extra little touches in the scenes with Piper and Trickster (Piper's glowing eyes, the light reflected in the water). Apart from that, the only thing that struck me about this issue is that maybe Paul Dini's secret goal on Countdown is to make the second season of Lost look tightly constructed by comparison. Certainly, I cared for the characters in Lost for a lot longer than any of the characters here. Mr. Pantazis brings this up to a proper EH.

DETECTIVE COMICS #839: In most of the panels, Batman looks like his lower jaw is unhinging so he can swallow a field mouse. Also, there's a great few panels where Rolbin and Nightwing are up on a cliff watching Batman fight and Nightwing says, "Everyone's concentrating on Bruce and Damian, but those monks need help, too. Alfred...?" And the next panel is Alfred with a "what the fuck am I doing here?" face beating on a Ninja and saying, "Say no more, Master Dick!" Comedy. Gold. I can only wait for future crossovers where everyone sits back and has the hired help do everything. ("Hey, Alfred, we wouldn't Bane to make off with the Star of Carpinthia, would we?" "Say no more, Master Dick!") I'm sorry, but I thought this was AWFUL.

EX MACHINA #33: I gave up on this title quite some time ago so I have no idea if every issue is as crazed as Mayor Hundred receiving an exorcism from the Pope even as Russians are trying to force him (the Mayor, not the Pope) to commit murder. But if so, I'm picking up the back trades pronto. And that double-paged spread of Hundred's religious vision bumps this issue up to a high GOOD all on its own. I worry that maybe Vaughan's lost control of his book's tone, but considering I found that tone pretty dull, who cares?

EXILES #100: Although very, very, very cheap, there's something kind of clever about having the last issue of Exiles reprint the first issue of Exiles, which ends on a cliffhanger so the dutiful reader can then pick up the second issue of Exiles, and keep the wheel of comic book nerd turning and turning...As for Claremont's story in the front of the book, it does pretty much what you'd expect and writes out all of the original characters (except Morph) so he can regale us with cross-omniversal slash fanfic featuring all his favorite characters. I'm going with AWFUL, because Claremont's story was a mess and the reprint is actually a punishment to the faithful reader/collector who's been following the book since the beginning. Sad.

FOOLKILLER #3: Foolkiller takes place in on Earth Max, a world exactly like ours in every detail except people have no bones whatsoever, and a guy with a sword as thin as a riding crop can slice off a man's arm with no exertion whatsoever. You know this book is going to end up in a quarter bin somewhere and eventually end up being read by an impressionable eight year old and scarring them for life but, apart from that, this book serves no good end whatsoever. CRAP.

IMMORTAL IRON FIST #11: Continues to blow my mind with its mix of clever dialogue, quality characterization, crazy-ass ideas and gorgeous art. VERY GOOD stuff and I hope the team stays on this book for as long as possible.

INCREDIBLE HULK #112: As you probably know if you've been following me through December, I missed World War Hulk altogether, and based on this issue, I'm sorry I did: I liked the characters of Amadeus Cho and Hercules (although Herc looked great but sounded like Keanu Reeves in a few too many places); thought the mix of classic mythology and modern continuity was pretty keen; and the art was just really damn lovely. But there's another element to this issue that makes me wonder about WWH--the big ol' bait and switch. I mean, this issue is not a Hulk comic at all, unless (and, frankly, even if) you count the presence of a supporting character that's been in the title for less than a year.

Weirdly, although I've never given two shits about comic book completists, those guys who shell out money to have every issue of a book's run no matter whether they read it or not, I feel they're being horribly mistreated by the direct market as it stands. Their reward for their character's recent popularity (and Greg Pak's reward for steering the character so well) is to have to buy issues of the book that have nothing to do with the character they're collecting, while Jeph Loeb and Ed McGuinness relaunch the character in another title that they'll also have to buy.

Anyway, it's a GOOD issue, but it's a crap way to treat customers and retailers, and sooner or later they're going to stop sticking around for it.

JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #16: The first story is a big lead-in to another book you have to buy for this book to make any sense, and the back-up story has no impact unless you remember two Teen Titans stories and is a lead-in to another book you have to buy. See what I mean about mistreating customers and retailers? At least the book allowed me to coin a new term: the "done in none" where one issue is self-contained but serves no purpose other than to sell you other books. AWFUL in that regard, but EH overall.

Okay, that's the first part. I'll be back tomorrow (or sooner) with the second.

Mind the oranges, Marlon: Douglas looks at 2000 A.D.

I got my first look at the weekly British anthology series 2000 A.D. sometime around 1980 or 1981, when Mile High Comics had a "five bucks for ten randomly selected British weeklies" special--the issues I got included a couple of the Judge Dredd stories that Brian Bolland drew, and I was pretty impressed, especially by how tightly constructed the stories were. With only five or six pages to an episode and at least five stories in each issue, there was a lot happening in very little space. In 1982, I got to visit England, went to Forbidden Planet in London, and bought a pile of 15 or 20 recent issues (excuse me "progs"), in the 250-275 range. This time I was riveted: the enormous, roaring Apocalypse War storyline was going on in "Judge Dredd," and there was also Alan Grant and Ian Gibson's "Robo-Hunter," Massimo Belardinelli's totally silly artwork for "Ace Trucking Co.," Dave Gibbons occasionally popping in to draw "Rogue Trooper"... I read them over and over, and after that, I made a special effort to find stores in the U.S. that carried the series.

It may be hard to imagine how exciting 2000 A.D. was in the early '80s if you've only read individual series in collections, but it was usually at least 3/5 awesome. And it kept getting better and better over the next few years, especially after Alan Moore started writing a bunch of serials--"The Ballad of Halo Jones," "Skizz," "D.R. and Quinch." Series I hadn't liked much at first, like "Nemesis the Warlock" and "Strontium Dog," started to grow on me. Even the lamer stuff had its charms--"Harry Twenty on the High Rock" was a by-the-numbers defiant-prisoner story that just happened to be set in outer space, but it had some nice art from Alan Davis. ("Sláine" never did much for me--somebody got sword-and-sorcery in my SF comic!--but I grudgingly accepted it.) And "Judge Dredd," usually written collaboratively by John Wagner and Alan Grant in those days, was always a treat. The setting was much sharper satire of American culture than I noticed at the time, and their Dredd was a fascinating character: a despicable hero, unutterably brave and devoted to his city but also an inhuman fascist.

In retrospect, 2000 A.D. had probably peaked by around 1987 or so, but it didn't decline quickly--there was Grant Morrison and Steve Yeowell's "Zenith," some really nice Simon Bisley art on the still-not-my-thing "Sláine," amusing weirdness like Peter Milligan and Jamie Hewlett's "Hewligan's Haircut," Garth Ennis and Mark Millar cutting their teeth. And Dredd, semper Dredd. By '92, there were signs of decline, like a Moore-less sequel to "Skizz" and updated callbacks to not-exactly-thrilling early series like "Flesh"; by the mid-'90s, I realized that it had been a good long while since there'd been a new series I'd really liked, but Dredd--once again written by John Wagner--and the occasional Morrison/Millar serials were good enough to keep me seeking out the series as it showed up in the U.S. (usually in clumps of four or five weekly issues at a time).

I finally stopped buying it a few years later--Dredd usually still delivered the goods, but the now-full-color-and-glossy 2000 A.D. Weekly had gotten awfully expensive in the U.S., and the "Nikolai Dante" and "Sinister Dexter" serials kept going and going and going and never caught my interest. But I still check in every year or so, when they published a special issue. And when the Complete Judge Dredd books started appearing, I snapped them up--the first few years' worth are pretty dodgy, but after that, they really hold up.

This brings us to Prog 2008, published last week--not the 2008th issue (this week's issue will be Prog 1567), but the end-of-2007 special. It's 100 pages long, with a bunch of features, but what's particularly interesting about it is that it's the first issue that Clickwheel is offering for sale as a downloadable PDF; each issue will be available for download a week after it comes out. Which is to say: it's in a time-frame and a format more sensible than any of the major American comics companies have yet offered.

The lead story is a Dredd Christmas special, written by Wagner (who's been writing the series on and off for the last few years), and it's built around a character moment that doesn't quite scan to me, since I haven't been following Dredd lately--but at least it makes me want to find out why it's so important "to put the mutant question to another vote." Beyond that, there's the first episode of something called "Shakara the Defiant," which has rich, intriguing art by Henry Flint (entirely brown, black and white, except for a few flashes of bright color), and a totally incoherent story; the first episode of "Kingdom: The Promised Land," which I should've given up on as soon as I saw that the post-apocalyptic barbarian hero who looks like Cable is called "Gene the Hackman"; a pretty but dull Nikolai Dante quickie; a beautifully rendered (by D'Israeli) black-and-white piece called "Stickleback: England's Glory" whose plot I might have found comprehensible if I'd read earlier installments; a Sinister Dexter one-off, arguably a little too conventionally nicely drawn for its jokey tone, that's effectively about what a one-note gun-for-hire cliché that whole series is; and an episode of another series that's apparently been running for a bit, "Caballistics, Inc.," that has the look of old-school 2KAD high-contrast black-and-white, but takes ten pages to accomplish what would once have been done in four. Finally, there's a Strontium Dog story, by Wagner and Carlos Ezquerra (with wretched computer coloring); it's fine, and I always like seing Ezquerra's work--he's been drawing for 2000 A.D. since the beginning--but Strontium Dog never had a sense of forward motion like Judge Dredd, and it's an exercise in nostalgia at this point.

So is a lot of the non-story material this issue. A few pages are devoted to "Great Moments in Thrill-Power," new illustrations of memorable bits from the past: the apparent suicide of Dredd from #262, the Angel Gang from #158, a nice Bryan Talbot drawing for the Nemesis serial "The Gothic Empire" from #387-406. There's a feature where fans are asked for their favorite 2000 A.D. covers. They name progs 5, 85, 112, 216, 230, 406, 469, 473, 620, 669, 686 and 883--most of them in that 1981-1990 sweet spot, none after 1994. (Also worth noting, on 2000 A.D.'s own site: the list of readers' twenty highest-ranked stories from the history of the series. Aside from three Wagner-written Judge Dredd serials, they're all pre-1993.) In some sense, it's kind of nice to know that other people agree with my sense of 2000 A.D.'s golden age, but it's depressing to think that the last 15 years' worth have produced so little of note.

The art in Prog 2008 is better than it's been the last few times I've picked up an issue--in particular, I'm going to be looking for more of Henry Flint's work (his Omega Men series wasn't nearly this cool-looking)--and reading the Dredd story made me want to catch up on the last few years' worth of Wagner's stories, at least. But I can't give this more than an Eh, because there's nothing else I want to keep reading--the delicious hypercompression and barbed comedy I associate with vintage 2000 A.D. isn't there any more. Tweaking them for their title isn't a new joke, but the fact that they're stuck with it suggests what's gone wrong: their aesthetic once implied the looming future, and now it's stuck in a past that's still sort of close but getting farther away, week by week.

Arriving 12/19/2008

The last shipping week before Christmas.... 2000 AD #1565 2000 AD #1566 ANGEL AFTER THE FALL #2 ARCHIE DIGEST #240 ARMY @ LOVE #10 AVENGERS CLASSIC #7 AWAKENING #3 (OF 10) BATMAN AND THE OUTSIDERS #3 BETTY & VERONICA #232 BIRDS OF PREY #113 CABLE DEADPOOL #48 CAPTAIN AMERICA CHOSEN #5 (OF 6) CATWOMAN #74 CHECKMATE #21 CIRCLE #2 COUNTDOWN ARENA #3 (OF 4) COUNTDOWN RAY PALMER SUPERWOMAN BATWOMAN #1 COUNTDOWN SPECIAL THE ATOM 80 PAGE GIANT #2 (OF 2) COUNTDOWN TO FINAL CRISIS 19 CRYPTICS #3 DETECTIVE COMICS #839 (GHUL) DOCTOR WHO CLASSICS #1 EX MACHINA #33 EXILES #100 FOOLKILLER #3 (OF 5) GLISTER #3 GRENDEL BEHOLD THE DEVIL #2 (OF 8) HERO BY NIGHT ONGOING #1 HOPE FALLS #2 (OF 5) IMMORTAL IRON FIST #11 INCREDIBLE HULK #112 IRON MAN ENTER MANDARIN #4 (OF 6) JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #16 KABUKI #9 LEGION OF SUPER HEROES IN THE 31ST CENTURY #9 LONG COUNT #1 (OF 6) MADAME MIRAGE #4 MARVEL ADVENTURES AVENGERS #19 MARVEL ADVENTURES FANTASTIC FOUR #31 MARVEL HOLIDAY SPECIAL MARVEL ILLUSTRATED ILIAD #1 (OF 8) METAMORPHO YEAR ONE #6 (OF 6) MIGHTY AVENGERS #6 CWI NEW TALES OF OLD PALOMAR #3 NEW X-MEN #45 MC NICOLAS CAGES VOODOO CHILD TEMPLESMITH COVER #6 PAINKILLER JANE #4 PRIMORDIA #2 (OF 3) PROGRAMME #6 (OF 12) RED SONJA #28 REDBALL 6 #1 REX MUNDI DH ED #9 ROBERT E HOWARDS CONAN FROST GIANTS DAUGHTER ONE SHOT ROBOTIKA FOR A FEW RUBLES MORE #1 (OF 4) SAVAGE TALES #5 SCOOBY DOO #127 SCREAM #2 (OF 4) SHADOWPACT #20 SHE-HULK 2 #24 SHIRTLIFTER #1 (A) SHOJO BEAT JAN 08 #801 SIMPSONS COMICS #137 SOME NEW KIND OF SLAUGHTER #1 (OF 4) SONIC THE HEDGEHOG #183 SPECIAL FORCES #2 (OF 6) STAR TREK ALIENS SPOTLIGHT ORIONS STAR TREK YEAR FOUR #5 STAR WARS DARK TIMES #7 SUPERMAN #671 SUPERMAN BATMAN #44 TERROR INC #4 (OF 5) THE ORDER #6 THICKER THAN BLOOD #1 (OF 3) (RES) ULTIMATE X-MEN #89 UMBRELLA ACADEMY APOCALYPSE SUITE #4 (OF 6) WHAT IF CIVIL WAR WOLVERINE FIREBREAK ONE SHOT WOLVERINE ORIGINS #20 WORLD OF WARCRAFT #2 WORLD WAR HULK WARBOUND #1 (OF 5) WWH X-MEN FIRST CLASS VOL 2 #6

Books / Mags / Stuff ACTION PHILOSOPHERS VOL 3 GIANT SIZED THING TP ALIENS OMNIBUS VOL 2 TP ALTER EGO #74 CINEFEX #112 DEC 2007 CLASSIC MARVEL FIGURINE COLL MAG #10 DR DOOM CLASSIC MARVEL FIGURINE COLL MAG #54 NOVA CLASSIC MARVEL FIGURINE COLL MAG #55 SCARLET WITCH CLASSIC MARVEL FIGURINE COLL MAG SPECIAL APOCALYPSE COMICS BUYERS GUIDE FEB 2008 #1638 COMPLETE CLIVE BARKERS GREAT AND SECRET SHOW TP DREAMING VOL 3 GN (OF 3) DRIFTING CLASSROOM VOL 9 TP FAIRY DREAMS & WET MEMORIES (O/A) (A) GOLGO 13 VOL 12 GN HELLBLAZER BLOODLINES TP ILLUSTRATION MAGAZINE #20 LEGION OF SUPER HEROES AN EYE FOR AN EYE TP MMW RAWHIDE KID HC VOL 02 MUNDENS BAR VOL 1 TP MY SISTER MY DOUBLE WHERES BETTY GN (RES) (A) NAOKI URASAWAS MONSTER VOL 12 TP NYMPHOS REVENGE (O/A) (A) OTHER SIDE O/T MIRROR VOL 1 GN PLASTICLAND HC SFX #164 SIZZLE #36 (A) SLEEPY TRUTH VOL 1 GN SPECTRE TALES OF THE UNEXPECTED TP STAR WARS CLONE WARS ADVENTURES VOL 10 TP TALES OF THE MULTIVERSE BATMAN VAMPIRE TP TRANCEPTOR BOOK TWO IRON GAUGE PART 1 GN (A) ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR TP VOL 09 SILVER SURFER UZUMAKI VOL 2 (2ND EDITION) GN VIDEO WATCHDOG #135 WALKING DEAD VOL 3 HC WRITE NOW #17 X-FACTOR PREM HC HEART OF ICE X-MEN TP BLINDED BY THE LIGHT X-MEN TP VOL 01 COMPLETE ONSLAUGHT EPIC

What looks good to YOU?

-B

Diana Goes Digital #1: Baby Remember My Name

What better way to kick off this series than by featuring a webcomic about webcomics? Kristofer Straub's CHECKERBOARD NIGHTMARE lays it all out in the very first strip (which doubles as a cast page): Chex is a cartoon character obsessed with webcomics. He wants to go all the way to the top without investing any long-term effort or talent. Since this shake-and-bake strategy brought about the Great Boy Band Epidemic of the early '00s, it's hard to argue with his logic. Unfortunately for Chex, all he's got going for him is a short attention span and a knack for plagarism. Fortunately for us, that translates into a brilliant comedy that follows our hero's hilarious schemes.

CHECKERBOARD NIGHTMARE has a lot going for it: it's based on a simple four-panel formula where the first three panels set up the punchline and the fourth panel delivers, and this runs on a daily basis for five years, but even Straub's most repetitive gags (ie: Vaporware's choking fetish) never cross that line where they stop being funny. His style of humor is sophisticated without being exclusive, and that's important to me as a reader because I don't see the funny in fart/poop jokes, but the other end of the spectrum can come off as horribly pretentious.

I think the key to Straub's success, the reason why CHECKERBOARD NIGHTMARE is so entertaining, is his understanding of the principles of balance: just when you think you're getting tired of the done-in-one jokes, a whole storyline pops up about Chex's #1 Fan (there is no #2 Fan), or a send-up of cop-based action series, or a glimpse of Dot's ill-fated singing career. And not to spoil the ending, but let's just say Straub makes an astonishing use of continuity during the series' climax.

This strip is also unique in that, while it heaps satire on specific webcomics as well as the conventions of the medium itself, it's also a fairly educational tool. It's part of the strip's duality, a rather clever trick Straub is playing: every strategy or gimmick Chex fails to appropriate has succeeded elsewhere, whether it's using insult humor (SOMETHING POSITIVE), joining a popular webcomic group (Keenspot, Graphic Smash, etc.) or using a "safe format" to attract wider demographics (GARFIELD). These tactics don't work for Chex, largely because he misunderstands why they're supposed to work (and that, in turn, goes to the core of the character's comedic tendencies), but they're the foundations of many other popular series.

So in reading this EXCELLENT series, not only do you come away with a smile, you might actually learn a few things about webcomics too.

A few technical notes to wrap things up: the main CHECKERBOARD NIGHTMARE series ran from November 10, 2000 to November 11, 2005. Though Straub released a few sporadic strips after the big wrap-up, they were mostly topical done-in-one gags. According to the FAQ, the series has no regular update schedule - prior to its most recent August 31 update, the series was last updated September 1, 2006. Straub has since moved on to STARSLIP CRISIS, another EXCELLENT webcomic I'll probably be reviewing at a later date. The archive is conveniently ordered both chronologically and by storyline, making for easy navigation. The strip is primarily in black-and-white, though Straub switched to color during its final year.

Remember Brevity: Jeff Tries to Jam in A Best Of/Shopping Lists.

I like "best of" lists, particularly before the holidays when people have a bit of cash and trying to figure out what to get loved ones. So I'm gonna do one even though (a) I've been more than a little out of the loop since I left the store in May; (b) my brain is still like well-chewed taffy after writing this week's reviews; and (c) my tech karma just took a massive hit, with my external hard drive unresponsive, my alphasmart wiped, and my image search for book covers (because everyone loves images) hit a snag when a page tried to install a fuckin' trojan horse on my laptop. (Oh, and what's up with our sidebar?) So I'll try to make this as quick and coherent--and as non-crabby--as possible for all our sakes. Sorry about the lack of graphics. Maybe next year, provided my laptop isn't too busy sending out Jamaican porn spam. In sloppy alpha order:

AMERICAN ELF VOL. 2: These two years of James Kochalka's cartoon diaries may be so brightly colored they'll make your eyes water, but they're also funny, sweet and profane. I hope we continue to get book collections of these even though Kochalka's cartoon vault is now open online.

AZUMANGA DAIOH OMNIBUS: I read and loved all four volumes of Kiyohiko Azuma's comic strip tales of a batch of high school girls, and hope this collection of the four volumes finds all the new readers the series well deserves. ADV Manga didn't really put themselves out throwing this omnibus together--the translation notes from vols. 3 and 4 don't reflect the new pagination, for example--but the price break and convenience of having them all in one spot still make it a great buy. Plus, it's an excuse to re-read everything all over again, which I did, and I enjoyed them just as much the second time around.

LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN BLACK DOSSIER: Black Dossier probably suffers by dint of authorial over-ambition, publisher politics, and audience expectation, but it's still a helluva book. Even though it failed to move me emotionally, I frequently took delight in the clever formalistic shenanigans, and Kevin O'Neill does landmark work. Plus, you know, a Tijuana Bible version of Orwell's 1984--how can you knock that?

BUFFY SEASON EIGHT VOL. 1 TPB: Joss Whedon brings the Buffyverse back for a TV season on paper, and it's a delight for those of us who still carry tremendous affection for the characters. While I worry the "unlimited budget" of comics may keep Whedon away from the limitations on TV he ably turned into strengths, or that the work will get farmed out the more other projects occupy Whedon's time, the first storyline was a tremendous amount of fun on its own, and a great gift for a Buffy fan (if you can find one that doesn't already have this, of course).

CRECY: I think this may be in the top five things Ellis has ever done, if not the top three--a dark, smart, rowdy educational history lesson where the author's predilection for technical knowledge and street-smart narrators meshes perfectly in showing us the battle of Crecy and its impact on how cultures make war. It's as perfectly executed as it is conceived, tremendously engaging and deeply enjoyable. Great stuff.

CRIMINAL: COWARD and CRIMINAL: LAWLESS: Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips produce two exceptionally strong stories that nail the grit, seedy glamor and understated desp all great crime stories have. Phillips' extraordinary knack for visual characterization enhances Brubaker's ability to bring exactly the right amount of information to a scene; I can't think of a current writer-artist team who play to each other's strengths nearly as well as these two.

DR. 13: ARCHITECTURE & MORTALITY TPB: Brian Azzarello and Cliff Chiang's playful metafiction tackles current comic book policies, the nature of belief and disbelief, and is a gorgeous-looking repudiation of what superhero books can and cannot do. It'll make you think, but it'll also make you laugh--a lot.

DRIFTING CLASSROOM: Kazuo Umezu's manga classic about an elementary school transported to a hostile dimension is bracing in its bleakness, touching in its melodrama, and masterful in its cartooning. It is also, in the very best sense, ape-shit crazy. Imagine if Lost starred the Little Rascals and somebody was dying or suffering gruesomely every fifteen minutes, and you get a slight idea of Drifting Classroom's ghastly, loopy charms.

EXIT WOUNDS: Rutu Modan's extraordinary graphic novel about a young man in Israel trying to discover the fate of his father is still the book of the year for me. The cartooning is great--detailed and evocative and open--but the writing is extraordinary, deepening the characters and the situations on every page. I really loved this book.

FLOWER OF LIFE, VOLS. 1-3: Fumi Yoshinaga's witty story of high school students and manga fans is always moving in directions you won't expect, but, really, it's the mix of light comedy and deep characterization I find so compelling. Like Yotsuba&! or Azumanga Daioh, this stuff makes me happy when I read it--it's heartwarming, which is something I'd never thought I'd enjoy in my reading material, but when it's done as well it is here, I'm helpless to resist.

FOURTH WORLD OMNIBUS, VOLS 1-3: Near-masterpieces of presentation, these collections of Jack Kirby's classic Fourth World material choose to reprint the work in order of publication. And while that has its drawbacks, particularly in the Volume Two where an extended storyline in The Forever People loses momentum as issues are spaced eighty pages apart, it pays off in Volume Three where Kirby begins to pull the threads of his stories together, and brilliant sequence after brilliant sequence begin to follow each after the next. Stunning.

KAMANDI ARCHIVES VOL. 2: In fact, reading the second volume of the Fourth World Omnibus, Marvel's Devil Dinosaur collection and this second volume reprinting Kirby's Kamandi stories in a row rendered all other comics completely uninteresting for about two weeks there. Whereas part of the delight of the Fourth World books is seeing how someone as distinctive and as regimented as Kirby was during that period still brings subtly different rhythms to each book, Kamandi entertains because it is constantly moving, keeping the title character (and the readers) from one crazy situation to the next. As far as I know, it's the closest Kirby ever got to the breakneck pacing of the great newspaper strips, and it makes for an intoxicating read. I really hope DC gets around to collecting all of these.

KING CITY VOL. 1 TPB: Speaking of intoxicating reads, King City by Brandon Scott Graham is, like Kirby's work, fast-paced and jammed with ideas, and unmistakably the work of a single idiosyncratic creator. It's deeply, deeply goofy, more than a little cocksure, and lord only knows when we'll see Volume 2, but this book reminded me of the first Scott Pilgrim book in its ability to take disparate influences and effortlessly marry 'em. I was so impressed with this book, I bought three copies to give to friends and lend out.

MISERY LOVES COMEDY HC: Somehow, by compiling the first three issues of Schizo--letter pages and all--under one cover and including an introduction from his therapist, Brunetti made me look at his comics in a new light. I already thought they were brilliant--Brunetti embodies every cliche of the unhappy indie cartoonist and transcends them through talent and fearlessness--but here they seem even more impressive, a radically brave act of self-expression. Plus, it's all funnier than hell.

MONSTER: Naoki Urasawa's sprawling suspense story is a deeply satisfying page-turner. Kinda reminds me of Dickens in its sheer narrative drive, and Urasawa's cartooning also has a love of expressive caricature. These can't come out fast enough for me.

PARASYTE VOLS. 1 AND 2: The first two volumes of Hitoshi Iwaaki's Parasyte remind me of both DC's Focus line and Marvel's Ultimate Spider-Man as a teen gains great power via the alien creature that's replaced his right arm. It might be a good book for superhero fans looking to branch out; it's certainly a great book for those of us who already have.

THE PROFESSOR'S DAUGHTER: Joann Sfar and Emmanuel Guibert's turn of the century farce about an animated mummy king on the lam with the professor's daughter is everything you'd want in a graphic novel--funny, action-packed, beautiful and surprisingly moving.

SCOTT PILGRIM GETS IT TOGETHER: The fourth volume in the series, and arguably the strongest since the first. Creator Bryan Lee O'Malley gets it together even more than Scott, taking his storytelling and his cartooning to a new level, and giving us a perfectly paced and satisfying book.

ANYTHING BY TEZUKA PUBLISHED BY VERTICAL: In the space of a week and a half, I read Apollo's Song, Ode to Kirihito and MW, and was dumbstruck by Osamu Tezuka's utter genius. MW is a crazed crime novel in which a homosexual crossdressing crime lord matches wits with the priest who is his lover with the fate of the human race at stake; Apollo's Song is a psychedelic coming of age novel in which a potential psychopath is taught the power of love thanks to cross space/time scenarios, and Ode to Kirihito (published late last year) is a surreal world-spanning medical thriller that reads a little bit like if Jodorowsky had directed a Dr. Kildare movie after Dostoyevsky did a pass on the script. They're all brilliant and insane, buoyed up by Tezuka's wide-ranging mastery of the cartoon medium and open-armed embrace of melodramatic directness. I enjoyed Ode to Kirihito the most, but I loved all of them. I guess I'm finally ready to tackle Buddha.

YOTSUBA&! VOLS. 4 AND 5: Like Azumanga Daioh and Flower of Life, a light comedy I find both heartwarming, well-observed, and mostly perfectly timed. I never thought I'd champion a cute kid comic book, but Yotsuba&! has exactly the right amount of cute, avoiding the all-too-standard saccharine crud that usually comes with it.

STUFF NOT ON THE LIST BECAUSE I (STILL) HAVEN'T READ IT: Alice in Sunderland, Pulphope, other stuff I'm sure you'll point out.

STUFF I REALLY ENJOYED THAT DIDN'T MAKE THE LIST BECAUSE I WAS EITHER TOO LAZY OR THERE WERE MITIGATING CIRCUMSTANCES: Jason Shiga's Bookhunter (brilliant but a bit pricey for me); Rick Veitch's Army At Love Vol. 1 (enjoyable but uneven); Empowered Vol. 1 (I thought Vol. 2 was disappointing enough to taint Vol. 1 for me); Iron Man: Hypervelocity TPB (great fun in the singles; haven't checked to see if it holds up in the trades); The Escapists HC (ditto); Devil Dinosaur Omnibus (too pricey); JoJo's Bizarre Adventure (not for everyone; haven't I mentioned enough manga?); Brubaker's Captain America and Daredevil TPBs (I'm behind); Sgt. Frog (not enough volumes this year); Beck Mongolian Chop Squad (wait between volumes hurts the pacing; otherwise brilliant); Fart Party; probably many others I'm forgetting.

Anything that came out this year (in trade format) I missed?

Second Round: Jeff Tackles the 12/12 Books (Part 2 of 2, as it turns out...)

Okay, let's finish this puppy up... HATE ANNUAL #7: I'm probably being too meta about this, but I thought it was funny that the Buddy Bradley story is all about he and Jay running dueling junkyards and battling over potentially valuable scrap metal, and this issue seems, like the last few Hate Annuals, like a collection of Bagge's odd & ends from which he's trying to get a little more cash. (Scrap, in other words.) I felt weirdly nostalgic flipping through this issue overall, with pieces like Bagge's comparison of Seattle to New York being the kind of short, funny pieces all indy cartoonists used to do, and now it seems like only Bagge (and Crumb, I guess) is still putting out there. It's really not fair to Bagge because I haven't followed his career closely at all and maybe he's got some awesome advertising or reporting gigs lined up, but he feels like he's fallen between the cracks as the indy scene has moved into its more literary phase and that's a damned shame. If nothing else, that back page shows Bagge could do one helluva Dick Cheney graphic novel bio. I'd give this a high EH--if I could've gotten into the Bat Boy strips this time around, I probably could ignore the price point and go higher--but I do sort of worry Bagge isn't living up to his potential and/or that his time has passed.

LOVELESS #21: I picked this up, along with the other Vertigo titles this week, to see if I could make some snappy generalizations about where this line was at and maybe why sales have been moribund. Since I don't follow the online news boards and no longer read Previews, I thought I might work as a relatively good replica of a casual reader, the kind that apparently aren't picking up Vertigo singles currently.

So. Like DMZ, I haven't followed this book in quite a while; unlike DMZ, I don't think I ever made it past issue #3 of this title. And I can't really critique this issue, which is clearly the last part of a storyline, any more than I could critique a movie after walking in on its last 20 minutes. But it's worth noting I finished this and assumed it was the final issue of the book altogether.

I know Hibbs has put forward a pretty good argument about Vertigo training readers to wait for the trade, but I think maybe each title might benefit as well from a little bit of marketing TLC in its own pages. If I was a new reader and picked up this issue of Loveless and concluded it was the final issue, you'd think chances are good I would be less likely to pick up the next issue since I wouldn't be looking for it. Alternately, maybe if I picked up this issue cold and was intrigued by it to pick up the trade, it might be a good idea to let me know when it's coming out, or what trades are already out. Here, despite every internal ad (except for the half pager for the Full Sail School of Animation) page in this issue being for either Zuda or a Vertigo title, there's not one scrap of information about Loveless other than the last page of the story that says "Conclusion" at the bottom in big letters.

This, then, is my humble proposal: each Vertigo title should have its own bulletin page, which would tell you which trades are currently available (so the reader knows where to start), an ad for the new trade if you're picking up the last issue of a storyline, a next issue blurb, and maybe a quick marketing blurb for the series or the storyline.

I doubt Vertigo will actually do this, mind you, and if pressed, would probably say something like, "B-b-but, The Internet!" Or, "B-b-but the reader can just walk up to the counter guy of the comic store at which they're flipping through the issue, and ask them which trades are in stock." And maybe they're right, but I think a publishing line--particularly one like Vertigo where the majority of its monthly issues are chapters in larger storylines--should make it as easy as possible for readers to know where they stand with any title they're picking up.

Okay, end of rant. NO RATING, but based on the explosions and the imagery (who doesn't love a bride with a gun in her bouquet?) seemed like it could be at least OK.

NEW AVENGERS #37: Man, Leinil Yu seems over-extended and burnt out this issue, precisely at the time Bendis decides it's time to razzle-dazzle everyone with a full-issue fight scene between fourteen-plus characters (plus illusions, plus bystanders): if it wasn't for the colorist, I don't think the middle pages would've had any sense of movement or order to them at all. And Bendis obviously tried to give the fights a sense of ebb and flow with some pages reading nothing more than "Agh!" "Ha!" "Oof!" and some pages deliberately jammed with everyone talking at once, which also helped give things a sense of momentum. I wasn't razzle-dazzled but I was entertained, and the opening and closing sections with The Wrecker helped this issue seem like more than just all middle, so I'm gonna with GOOD, even though really the art and some of those "Ha!" "Oof!" "What?" "Yes." pages really make an OK rating the more sensible decision. But I enjoyed it, so there ya go.

NIGHTWING #139: I'm amazed I forgave Fabian Nicieza the inept use of the tired Mastercard meme on page three ("Following Tim Drake and Batman's son Damian from Gotham City to Ra's al Ghul hideout in Tibet: easy. Realizing that maybe Tim has been seduced by Ra's into joing the dark(er) side: costly. Having to fight the brother I came to rescue: priceless." Honestly, Fabian, what the fuck?), but I did. It's obvious everyone involved is making the best of a bad situation that entails Robin and Nightwing fighting because that's what it says on the editorial whiteboard. So the characters spend half the time half-heartedly laying the groundwork for why they should be fighting (even though it doesn't make any sense with unbelievable amounts of horseshit like, "You can't bring back one if you're not willing to bring back everyone." (Huh?) "And you can't bring back everyone so... don't start with one." (Wha?) "But in that case--since you know you can't stop all crime...then why bother stopping any at all?" (???)) and half the time half-heartedly fighting, and none of it is really relevant to the main thrust of the crossover whatsoever. Knowing that at least the creative team is trying bumps this up to AWFUL for me, but it's a shame how frequently these Bat-Family crossover events seem to suggest "Hey, we don't give a shit about this title except how it affects Batman and neither should you." Feh.

NOVA #9: Didn't read last issue, so it's probably not surprising this issue felt off-balance to me but a dicey writing decision (the issue's big bad is a cosmic entity sealed in a massive space coffin) made worse by a worse art decision (said coffin isn't even shown completely, so Nova's big dramatic struggle is essentially him walking over to what looks like an electrified wall and touching it) makes me think even people following the title might be incredibly underwhelmed. There's a mix of fun and big ideas (who couldn't love a telepathic Russian dog who's security chief for a research station built into a severed Celestial head?), as well as popular sci-fi tropes (Nova's larger battle is with what I guess are Borg analogues which seems really dull to me but probably pushes somebody's fanboy buttons), but the execution for this issue at least knocked it down to a very low OK for me. I'm curious if this issue is an anomaly in that regard or not.

PUNISHER WAR JOURNAL #14: I don't know. It's got one good hook (Kraven has decided to start hunting and caging the Marvel Universe's almost infinite number of animal based characters) but in getting it, we have characters written at odds with their earlier appearances (there goes all that heavy duty Mary Sue-ing Ron Zimmerman did on Kraven's son; and I know I'm one of the last people to take the Mandrill seriously but it's a shame he talks like your average "bros before hos" frat boy now), characters/concepts that have been around the Marvel Universe for close to forty years destroyed on a whim (so long, Aragorn!) and a title character that appears for less than half the book (10 out of 22 pages). Writer Matt Fraction has done work I've really enjoyed elsewhere, but here he's just Frank Tieri with a better sense of humor and a deeper back issue collection. I know I've got my fanboy dander up, but I thought this was seriously sub-EH.

SCALPED #12: Luckily for me, a great jumping on issue as it's both (kind of) a done-in-one and a deliberate introduction to the characters, plot and themes of the series. What's weird is I'm normally a big fan of ultra-bleak noir stories (and this series is ultra-bleak) but this one is strangely off-putting and I don't know why. Maybe my liberal white guilt makes it really hard for me to enjoy nihilistic hijinks at the expense of a devastated culture? Although I've enjoyed other works--the movie Deep Cover comes to mind--where, as here, the undercover agent angle is used as a metaphor for the conflict of assimilation in people of color.

I don't know. This is clearly GOOD material--the writing, the art, the hook--but I honestly didn't enjoy it and am unlikely to pick up the next issue. So for me, personally, it's an EH. Considering this stuff is right up my alley normally, I'm not sure what the problem is, but if you like a good, gritty crime thriller, you should assume you won't have the same problem and check it out.

SPIDER-MAN FAMILY #6: The cover--Frog Thor on top of Spidey's head next to the phrase "What would you do if you only had One More Frog!?"--couldn't make it clearer we're in for wacky hijinks this issue but, unfortunately, I found them deeply sub-wack. Chris Eliopoulos' title story is a very sweet mash note to Simonson's "Thor as frog story" (with a much-appreciated intro page that explains the story and even tells you in which trade you can find it). However, stripped of Eliopoulos' usual light mockery, the story has no real laughs, some bad story shortcuts, and seemed a lot more fun to create than it was to read. Following that, there's a story by Tom "Belland" where Spidey catsits Zabu that seems more than a little forced (not only that Spider-Man has to catsit Zabu, but that Spidey is able to work out Zabu's emotional problems(?) and solve them by taking Zabu to a museum to see his stuffed ancestors(!)), two badly reproduced reprints, and a Spider-Man J story that leads me to further suspect Marvel is bullshitting everyone about the material being genuine material originally published in Japan. Overall, a sadly underwhelming issue, which not even Johnny Storm being dressed as a gay rodeo clown (in the Marvel Team-Up reprint) can save. Sub-EH.

STREETS OF GLORY #3: Mike Wolfer's art usually comes off as cluttered and chaotic to me, and his faces almost always seem unevoactive and off, like mannequin faces. But even if John Severin had been on art chores here, Ennis' all-middle of an issue would've left me pretty cold--most of this issue is people telling each other about the past, with a brief flash-forward to point out the entire story is something somebody is telling someone else, with a bit of manufactured conflict and a flash of blood and violence at the end. Still, the art knocks it down to sub-EH for me, and I can't imagine I'll bother looking for next issue. Maybe Ennis is better bringing what interests him about Westerns into his work rather than just doing Westerns? I dunno.

STORMWATCH ARMAGEDDON #1: I've heard good things about the previous Stormwatch series (from Johanna, I think?) so I thought I'd give it a try, but this issue was far from what you'd call a "jumping-on" issue. Operative John Doran is brought into the future by Wildcats character Void to discover what the cause of a coming cataclysm. Doran then goes on to discover one panel of information about what caused the cataclysm, and fifteen pages about what happened to him and the rest of his teammates. It's kind of like "Days of Future Past" if Kitty had ended up in the future and then proceeded to do nothing but go, "But what about Cyclops? What happened to him? Uh-huh. And what happened to Professor X again? Huh. And Beast?" I think even if I was a regular reader of the title, I'd find this underwhelming in every way. AWFUL.

SUPERMAN CONFIDENTIAL #10: Good news, everybody! DC's got an inventory issue it has got to get out of its vault and it wants you to pay $2.99 for it! I assume it's an inventory story, anyway, since it has The Forever People, Darkseid, Mantis, Infinity-Man and Jimmy Olsen but doesn't even try to pretend to reference Countdown, and doesn't serve any purpose whatsoever except to throw a bunch of characters into combat for eighteen pages without explaining who they are and what relation they have to each other. And Superman seems weirdly out of character as well, saying stuff like "What I said to the others goes double for you. Get out of Metropolis." and "That your best shot?" Considering this is by the guys who wrote the much-better Nova this week, I'm assuming something went seriously wrong here, and you know, God bless. Just don't ask me (or you) to pay for it. CRAP.

TALES OF THE SINESTRO CORPS ION #1: After enjoying Green Lantern #25 as much as I did, I found this tremendously unsatisfying. I mean, it does explain what's going on to the first-time reader and I do give it credit for that, but when each sequence (Kyle with the Guardians, Kyle and Sodam Yat, Nero and Kyle) each requires at least a full page of exposition, maybe there's something to be said for putting the pedal to the metal and dazzling us all with crazy shit. Also, the artist and/or colorist kinda blew the point of the big fight sequence--it took me a second read to figure out that Ion had taken Nero's creatures and converted them into his own. (And I only bothered because Marz, in true "explain everything in case the artist fucks it up" craftsman, explained it after I missed it.) Finally, the title makes me think this entire issue was just a solicitation fake-out so that people trying to glean the fallout of the Sinestro War from future solicits were going to be outfoxed. If so, is that the future of the direct market? A cold war between the Big Two and retailers & readers? Jeezis, I hope not. AWFUL.

UN-MEN #5: First issue I've read of this and the conclusion, I guess, of the introductory arc. It didn't do much for me, seeming both past its prime (are people still trying to get cash from the nouveau-freakshow movement?) and extraordinarily tepid (just about every third link on Warren Ellis' website is more outlandish than the stuff portrayed here) with only Tomer Hanuka's cover providing any kind of garish zing whatsoever. I guess it's great editor Jonathan Vankin could get his writing partner a steady gig, but I can't imagine this sub-EH material is gonna be the next Y: The Last Man.

WALKING DEAD #45: I like that everyone including the bad guy is running around in a panic with only the most half-assed of plans to see them through, but that's precisely when, according to zombie movie law, brains should start getting eaten. Maybe I'm being premature here, but even as the last few issues have heightened the conflict between the two groups of humans, the zombie factor has been shunted to the side. I hope that's because Kirkman wants us to forget about them and have 'em cause holy hell in the next issue or two, but it feels a bit like he's got his hands full with all the characters and their motivations at play. A highly GOOD issue, though, and I'm looking forward to the next.

WOLVERINE #60: That weird and gross Arthur Suydam cover--where Wolverine looks as surprised to be shown driving his claws through some dude's head as I am to be seeing it--doesn't really convey the warmed-over material herein. (I know I don't follow the character that closely, but does Wolverine ever end up in Japan and it doesn't end up entailing his former fiance and/or her family? And ninjas?) Oh sure, Wolverine fights ninjas in a Japanese toy store, and if Geoff Darrow had been drawing that, it would've been aces, but Chaykin's well past the point of showing off and uses the minimum amount of detail (and a shitload of diagonal composition) to pull us through. I can't really blame the guy--Chaykin, like Bagge, is a guy who seems to have fallen between the cracks for reasons I can't even fathom--but it doesn't make the book any less EH.

WONDER WOMAN #15: Very charming, I thought. I've always liked Wonder Woman as a warrior strong enough to be compassionate (remember when she used to take her enemies off to be rehabilitated through some light spanking and B&D?), and the mix of both multiple pantheons and gaudy pulp stuff here (nazis, talking gorillas) move the character away a bit from the Greek mythos I've found so stifling since WW's reinvention by Perez. The intro piece may be a bit clunky, and I was bit disappointed that out of an entire menagerie of imaginary animals, the nazis get attacked by what's either Kang or Kodos, but yeah, pretty GOOD stuff. I'd like to see more.

CRAWL SPACE XXXOMBIES #2: Finally, thanks to my poor alphabetization skills, we've got this little number which is rich in high concept (Boogie Nights of the Living Dead, basically), has all the sick, gaudy thrills Un-Men wishes it had, and has neither a sympathetic character nor a remote resemblance to reality anywhere to be found. It's OK, but, being as I'm one of those guys who preferred Death Proof to Planet Terror, not really my thing.

PICK OF THE WEEK: Gotta go with GREEN LANTERN #25--a really remarkable piece of heady, straight-up, continuity-rich, superhero whoop-ass.

PICK OF THE WEAK: COUNTDOWN ARENA #2, I guess, although the "comic book as toxic waste dump" approach of SUPERMAN CONFIDENTIAL #10 wasn't any great shakes, either.

TRADE PICK: I forgot to do this last week, which is a shame since there were a ton of contenders. (I would've gone with BECK VOL. 10, the crazy-ass BATMAN SUPERMAN SAGA OF THE SUPER SONS TPB, and the second POPEYE hardcover). This week, though, I'd go with Brubaker and Phillips' exceptional second trade from Criminal, LAWLESS. As with the previous arc, the art was luscious and the story satisfying, but I found the narrative tone and structure particularly exceptional. I hope it goes on to sell a bajillion copies.

NEXT WEEK: Maybe the whole "brevity is the soul of wit" thing will sink in!

Tilting at Windmills v2 #47 up

Just in case you didn't notice it at Newsarama, you can find my latest column right here. -B

Second Round: Jeff Tackles the 12/12 Books (Part 1 of 3, maybe?)

Last week, after reviewing 35 books, I swore I wasn't going to do that to myself again. So yesterday, I pulled the books off the rack, did a count before handing them to Hibbs, and realized I had 30. I started flipping through them, having already weeded out stuff of which there were two copies or less on the racks, trying to figure out where I could cut. And after about ten minutes of heavy-duty consideration I got it down to...27. During my final weeks at CE, I was reviewing roughly 18, so maybe I won't hit that number. We'll see.

Again, thanks to everyone who was kind enough to pitch in with the comments and compliments. They were tremendously appreciated and helped keep me going during my normally seasonally affective disordered self.

And so it comes 'round again:

ANGELUS PILOT SEASON #1: Leave it to Top Cow to figure out how to bring the super-hero origin into the 21st Century: from what I could tell, Angelus is a superpowered chick who gets even more superpowers, and now uses her new superpowers to fight the people who helped her get her old superpowers. It's the same sort of "who says less is more when clearly more is more" philosophy the inventors of the fried twinkie gave us, and you have to kind of admire it. (I also admired the savvy business acumen of the people who put together the inside cover ad for Witchblade: The Animated Series: catching the title character in mid-examination of her right breast for pre-cancerous lumps shows that the series has a sensitive side.) The script, however, is cliche-ridden, the painted art frequently awkward, and the comic surprisingly credit-free--is that intentional? Something to do with keeping you from voting online for the creator and not the concept or something?--but I guess if you like comics where super-powered waitresses recover from flashbacks by standing in their underwear and exchanging exposition with their alter egos for five pages, you could do worse...I assume. AWFUL.

BAT LASH #1: I know enough about Bat Lash to realize this is apparently going to be an "Origin of..." miniseries, but don't really know the character at all. Based on this issue, he seems frankly anachronistic, a figure from those days when Westerns were filled with charming rogues because the Western by and large skimmed over historical underpinnings. Now, where the Western is fraught with the knowledge that the West was won by guys who shot each other only when they got tired of shooting Indians and buffalo, I'm not sure you can pull it off. You certainly can't pull it off in a book like this, where Bat Lash is asking a Comanche friend how things are, and the Comanche says stuff like, "How I been? Your people take the buffalo away...drive us to reservations...your girl's rich father is even...put[ting] bounty on Indian scalps!" To which Lash replies, "Yeah, Wilder's still trying to drive my folks off our land." (Hey, sucks to be you, Bat Lash! Also, what do you mean by "your" land, exactly?)

I think it's laudable that the Aragones and Brandvold did their research, and Christ knows John Severin's work is a genuine treat to look at, but when your next issue blurb is "Sheriffs and Ranchers and BEARS, oh my!" and your last page cliffhanger is a woman's impending rape, I'd say your project has conflicting goals that make enjoying the book a more difficult task than it probably ought to be. Art bumps it up to EH, but it's kind of a wreck.

BOOSTER GOLD #5: Kind of sad that the weakest point of Booster Gold's book is Booster Gold's creator, Dan Jurgens. Admittedly, I've never been a fan of the J-Man, what with his tepid layouts, his limited range of facial expressions, and his largely generic character designs--he seems like an artist for people who find Bob Layton too avant-garde--but giving him a time-travel story that intersects with The Killing Joke (some of the most beautiful artwork ever published by a mainstream comic company) really underscored that for me. This is the first issue of the book I've read, and while I find Booster to be a very likeable hero here and the time war conceit clever, the execution of things--not just Jurgens' art, but also the whole "you can change time, except where you can't! (Unless, of course, you can!)" attempts to keep the drama rolling--is pretty uneven. If I had to guess, I'd say Johns is helping break the story beats and Katz is writing the dialogue, and while (presumably) Katz does a pretty good job, he hasn't quite mastered the "these aren't the droids you're looking for" ability Johns has to keep you from noticing a really glaring plot hole. Despite the kvetching, I'd give it an OK, but your appreciation for Jurgens' art and/or DCU continuity noodling may have you bump that rating higher.

BOYS #13: Don't know if s Snejbjerg is inking Robertson or also contributing to the art chores, but the art here is looking seriously cartoony. Like, "hey, the big Russian guy looks a lot like Bugs Bunny in that panel" cartoony. While that might be the next natural evolution in Robertson's style--and probably a good one, frankly--it kinda messes with the tone of the book a little bit. I'm not sure I'm going to make it through an Ennis monthly where it feels like there's nothing at stake. Anyway, considering what I think these creators are capable of, it's OK. Compared to most of the other stuff on the market, it's in the GOOD category. You make the call.

COUNTDOWN ARENA #2: If you've always wanted a mentally disabled little brother that would play Mortal Kombat while constantly hollering horrible dialogue he's made up for all the characters, this is the book for you. CRAPtacular, even without the reconfiguring of Apollo as a Ray-analogue, not a Superman analogue. (Yeah, nice try there, DC Editorial.)

COUNTDOWN SEARCH FOR RAY PALMER RED SON #1: This comic book could be useful to future generations as a primer in how to spot rushed artwork: basic left-to-right storytelling mistakes; lots of blank-faced blobs drawn in long shot to cut down on details; conversations being held by characters with their back to the reader; disappearing backgrounds; absence of movement...The seven panels to a page average suggests that this was a ton of work in the first place, and I expect there were some iron-clad deadlines to meet, but the art tragically failed to meet the challenge. As for the story, although it jams a lot of material, characters, ideas and motivations into one issue, none of it means a god-damned thing unless you read Red Son, like, yesterday...in which case you'd probably be pissed at how this book uses those characters and situations but ignores any of the resolutions. AWFUL, awful, awful.

COUNTDOWN TO FINAL CRISIS 20: I'm not going to brat about how the DC Countdown team can't coordinate between their own titles (the Countdown Arena pages this issue get the dialogue right but completely blow the timing, for example) but rather brat about how the writers of this issue can't coordinate their own story in the same issue. On one page Jimmy Olsen is suddenly talking about how there's a little voice in his head telling him what he needs to do, and on the very next page he's talking about how he knows how to go through a maze he's never been through and attributing that to either "a run of luck" or "more weirdness." In fact, Jimmy's got a caption that goes "(Whew)...and I thought I" and the very next caption "This weird turtle shell I've become isn't helping in that department." (I'm gonna guess maybe the words 'smelled bad' dropped out?) I don't know what people are getting paid to work on this book, but I'm guessing it's not nearly enough to cover all the future therapy needed to put their shattered psyches back together.

And, of course, what adds insult to injury is that this is DC's second weekly annual series, which means that someone ignored nearly every lesson they should've learned from 52 and thought they could pull it off by sheer charm and force of will. AWFUL stuff, and tremendously disappointing.

DMZ #26: I don't know. I admit I haven't read this book in about a year, but it seems to me this issue couldn't have been structured worse. I think it's supposed to be a portrait of a photojournalist in the DMZ that's just died, constructed from several anecdotes during her time there, but all of the cues are messed up. One early scene starts off captioned "Two days earlier" and then we're never given a time transition again. So one would think that all of the scenes are more-or-less contiguous from that point on, except there's a scene where the character takes a picture and the narrator says, "She won an award for that photo. And caught a lot of shit about it, too." So...non-contiguous? Even if you don't find yourself frustrated about the time frame for the story, the concluding lines of the story, "We live in a world of fire and death and funerals. But Kelly made us feel alive," aren't supported by the earlier incidents of the story. How'd she make "us" feel alive? By being hungover during a firefight and puking? By sitting and drinking in a locked room, refusing to let people in? By abandoning crying children, and ignoring the orders of people protecting her? Maybe a case could be made that the creative team is trying to undercut the narrator's elegiac tone by showing the opposite of what he's insisting but there's not enough evidence to really support that. Realy, I'm not trying to be a dick here, but compare this issue to Lawless, the second Criminal trade, and how the narration there leads us through an unorthodox flashback structure, and I think you'll see what I mean. This didn't work, and I gotta give it an EH, at best.

FALLEN ANGEL IDW #22: I usually don't parse comic book dialogue emphases--you know, those bolded words that typically make everyone sound like they're out of breath from running, but the kid's last word balloon "And at least the war was over there..." really needs it since the meaning isn't 'the war was in a place that's not here' but 'the war was finished in that place that's not here.'

I dunno. That's all I got, I'm afraid. If I hadn't read the title previously, I wouldn't have had any idea what was happening or why I should care. Since I have read the title previously, the only stumper was why I should care. EH character, EH art, EH script--I guess I can safely call this an EH book.

FANTASTIC FOUR #552: The Thing hammers future Doom through six intrusive pages of ads (including that annoying double-page spread for the terrifyingly named "Out of Jimmy's Head," which sounds like a classic Cronenberg film and looks like the CN's desperate attempt to capture some of Nick Kids and Disney Channel's vital "pubescent chicks who dig feather-haired future date rapists" demographic) and then the future FF show up. A little sparse for my $2.99, although maybe it lands at an effective place in the larger storyline I'm not following. It wasn't bad, but skimpy, and the FF title seems trapped in a "But is Reed a dick?" conundrum the same way the Superman books were stuck in a "But would Superman kill?" trap for a few years--even he's not, the book is static and dull, if he is, I don't want to read the character any more--and I'm not sure if Millar and Hitch are going to make matters better or worse. OK, because McDuffie knows the characters, even if he doesn't know what to do with them.

GREEN ARROW BLACK CANARY #3: I'd be scared to party with Judd Winick. Based on his current storytelling m.o., it'd all be lots of fun and booze and laughs at the start, and then, after he's had enough to drink, pow! Suddenly there's a dead stripper on your hands. I mean, this issue was probably the best handling of the stupid "there are no refrigerators on Amazon Island, so naturally every female character in the DCU wants to go there and join them despite the stupid amounts of false jeopardy they must go through to do so" idea making its way through the DCU books, and the Cliff Chiang artwork is clean and light and expressive, and then---pow! Another dead stripper of a cliffhanger. I'll go with OK because it was an enjoyable read until then and it looked great, but, uh, maybe we should make sure Mr. Winick doesn't have any access to the hard stuff when he's plotting.

GREEN LANTERN #25: Holy fucking shit. I've read other comic books that clearly wanted to catch the "big summer blockbuster" vibe before, but this issue nailed that so well I was in awe. Johns and crew pack each page with so many ideas, character bits, riffs, and payoffs big and small, I almost wanted to cheer at the end--the same way I do at $200 million movies I won't remember three weeks later. The concluding "trailer" for "Blackest Night" (coming in 2009) only confirms such a crazy, inspired, deluded aspiration and I'm really and truly knocked out by the open-throttle "dare to be cheesy and awesome" ambition of the whole thing. I haven't followed the issues leading up to this, so I don't know if all the "spectrum" lantern thing had been previously teased out but I think it was smart of Johns to ramp right up from the yellow lantern Sinestro Corps to all the other colors so quickly--this may sound weird, but I think this is the first time since "The Anatomy Lesson" I've seen a character's basic concept opened up so dramatically and to impressive effect.

There are problems with the book, I gotta say--the artists had a hard time keeping up with everything, so that over half the book looks like Perez's discards from Crisis on Infinite Earths, and, despite Johns' way with the character arc, Hal Jordan still seems like the least interesting character in his own book (to say nothing of the fact that by the time Blackest Night rolls around, everyone in the damned DCU is gonna have a power ring, making the guy even less unique than before). But overall? Holy fuck, did this seem like a concentrated hot shot of mainstream superhero insanity. If that's the sort of thing that turns your crank (and I'm both surprised and relieved to find out it can still turn mine) I think you'll also find this astonishingly VERY GOOD. Good grief.

That'll get us started, I think. More later tonight or tomorrow...

The Demon Hero as a Wounded Animal Surrounded by Fire: Jog on 12/12

B.P.R.D.: Killing Ground #5 (of 5): Or, "NUMBER 38 IN A SERIES" as the inside front cover says. All of the Hellboy family books bear this sort of double branding, since their tight continuities often have them behaving like ongoing series just as much as the individual miniseries they're titled as. Of course, that's also how storylines in most actual ongoing series work these days, but I think the approach of the Hellboy books has the added benefit of obvious break points that not only allow for the creative teams to pause, but seem to invite the occasional gap of several months, all without upsetting reader expectations.

This particular storyline, however, has been maybe the first of B.P.R.D. to tip the scale more toward 'ongoing' than 'miniseries.' It's really less a beginning-middle-end thing than a thematically-linked bundle of long-simmering plot advancements, arranged so as to suggest a mystery; the larger story inches forward, callbacks are made to several earlier issues, and this final issue doesn't particularly resolve anything, although it does come complete with an extensive backstory infodump, and a last page cliffhanger. A fairly lyrical one that neatly (and visually!) summarizes the concerns at play, mind you.

The topic has been monsters, paranoia, and the violent capacity of the self. Most of the cast came face to face with some violent inner struggle, from Abe's encounter with a once-human Wendigo from his past, Liz's struggles with the apocalyptic burden she carries, and, most crucially, Daimio's absorption into the sinister facets of his origins. There was also a counterpoint in Johann's experience with a lovely new human body, with the thoughtful wraith instantly becoming wild for simple physical sensation, to the detriment of his ghostly duties.

Woe betide those who mistake the eventual collected edition for a good jumping-on point - reading through this issue, I found myself hastily flipping around earlier stories just to get my bearings, even though all this 'conclusion' really does is try to explain some things, while the larger plot inches forward and most of the characters sorta change. Nearly everything of note that occurs will hold less impact if you're not very familiar with earlier issues in the series. Or even issues of other series - a seemingly opaque Lobster Johnson cameo in issue #4 may well tie in with the concurrently-running Lobster Johnson: The Iron Prometheus; as it was with Alan Moore's now-departed ABC line, Mike Mignola's comic book universe rewards completists.

Still, even if this issue reads like little more than a waypoint between bigger landmarks, it is a work of fine construction. There's little that needs to be said of the visceral impact of Guy Davis' drawings and Dave Stewart's colors, but it's always worth pointing out how well they cooperate with Mignola's and John Arcudi's scripts - in an issue so thick with people telling other people important things, it's great to have that long flashback interspersed with images of Johann's ectoplasmic form fading from his recent he-man persona into the mild fellow he was before, Davis' lines sketching in his dignity with a job well done. Even if we're left on a question mark while a new team presents a '40s side-story for the next few months, the details linger in a GOOD way.

Chronicles of Wormwood: The Last Enemy: Meanwhile, Garth Ennis and Avatar present a funnybook embodiment of 'unnecessary.' I liked the initial Wormwood miniseries ok enough - it was an amusing, idiosyncratic piece of humanism, using biblical figures to promote personal responsibility above reliance on established power structures... and what could be more established than God and Satan and all that? Cute, and complete.

Yet here's a $7.99, 48-page one-shot sequel, feeling awfully overextended. The plot concerns errant Antichrist Wormwood's attempts to woo back his ex-girlfriend, while the debauched Pope Jacko sends a hulking killer eunuch to retrieve Wormwood's pal Jesus Christ for the purposes of curing his AIDS. Along the way there's jokes about jerking off, icky bodily mutiliations, priests (were you aware that they like to fuck young boys?!?!), a rabbit doing human things, and that one time a guy jumped off the Empire State Building and splattered on a ledge and his severed leg landed outside of Jim Hanley's Universe. We also discover that it's nice to be a nice person!

"So basically you're saying you're a pussy now, is that it?"

"That's exactly it, Jimmy. That's the moral of the story right there."

The problem is, it's really nothing that hadn't been done already in the original series, with more panache. Now, Ennis is a canny writer, and can drag a small bit of interest out of almost anything - even a lame, space-eating recurring segment about Wormwood helping to record a dvd audio commentary for one of his television programs boasts the small pleasure of the show itself gently commenting on Wormwood's mental state. But even then, production issues betray the book; if you're going to base a multi-page routine around characters talking from off-panel, and you're not going to differentiate their word balloons by shape or color or something, it would help to have each character's dialogue come from their own distinct off-panel area. Or, barring that, at least consistent sides of the panels.

The art doesn't lift it up much. Rob Steen, illustrator of the Ricky Gervais book Flanimals, takes over for original artist Jacen Burrows (who does draw the cover, as seen above), and he does provide a few funny reactions. Plus, he and (especially) colorist Andrew Dalhouse do an impressive job of making things look sort of consistent with the original; I've always felt Avatar's use of a small, distinct group of colorists has gone farther than anything else in forging a visual identity for the publisher. But there's still some awkwardness to physical interactions -- of particular note is a lesbian kiss in which one party appears to be suckling on the other's chin -- and a general lack of dynamism that leaves the various action pages feeling detached from the mayhem Ennis is serving.

And even after all that, be aware that the story itself still doesn't quite make it the whole 48 pages, so there's also pair of two-page, religion-themed backups drawn by John McCrea and Russ Braun. Although both of actually manage to be a little funnier by virtue of not being so stretched out. Still, AWFUL on the whole.

Johanna Snickers at Black Canary/Decrepit Stud

I only read this book because I am a total fangirl for artist Cliff Chiang. The storyline, by Judd Winick, is Ass. I think everyone's figured out by now that Green Arrow isn't really dead, and Black Canary is remarkably clear-headed for someone who just a few months ago thought she'd killed her new husband and long-time love on their wedding night. But that's the problem with comparing superhero comics to real life. What would be institutionalizable fixations in our world -- no, he's not really dead, an alien or clone is impersonating him -- make perfect sense in DC world, so it's kind of hard to relate.

Anyway, BC is undergoing a trial by combat to prove she's worthy of becoming the Amazons' new fight trainer ... which I also find unbelievable. I don't care how good she is. A group of immortal warriors who've been around for millennia can take care of their own combat training, I think. But it got her and little miss idiocy onto the island. (All Speedy or Red Arrow or girl whose name is never given in the comic (although Conner is named five times) does is sit around narrating the plot interspersed with classless comments that almost give away what little the gang has in terms of a plot.)

Let's look at the pictures some more. Chiang draws a stunning, regal Hippolyta and a fiercely strong Canary. More, please.

After ripping off Butch Cassidy (it's still a ripoff even if you quote it directly), there's a chamber pot pee joke (No! Really! In the 21st century!) and the revelation that Green Arrow's imitator blew the doppelganger plan because he was impotent. ... ... I haven't seen THAT motivation in superhero comics before. Although with all that spandex holding everything so close to the body it doesn't even show as a bulge, it makes sense.

I am very impressed that, called upon to illustrate the stunning Canary dialogue "He couldn't get his engines going... even with me?" while our heroine is wearing a bra, panties, and garter belt, Chiang keeps her looking like a person. He's more concerned with expressing the figure's emotion than showing off her goodies. After too many years of Birds of Prey art that took the opposite approach, I say bravo. And he draws holes in her fishnets! (Not the ones that are supposed to be there, actual costume damage. Those things rip at the slightest opportunity.)

The dumbest part of the whole book, though... I know, it's been pretty dumb up until now, and I didn't even mention how many times old-enough-to-be-a-grandad Arrow simply outruns a whole gang of Amazons on his tail... is the ending, which I am about to spoil.

Not three pages after the touching "I knew you weren't really dead" reunion of the title characters, Connor is shot and presumed dead. By a cloud. This would have made for a more compelling cliffhanger (except for the cloud part) if the whole rest of the book wasn't about rescuing someone thought to have been dead. It's a bad writer's way of undercutting his own story by going for the cheap-and-easy "shocking" last page.

Given the previous debates over Connor ("it's possible for him to be gay, and that would be refreshing and sensible" vs. one of his writer's demented hypocrisy on the subject, where he'd rather have the character make out with his father's rapist than admit the possibility), it's disconcerting to see him chosen as sacrificial victim this go-round. Even if he's not attracted to men, it was neat seeing a character not defined by his sexuality to the point where it was an open question.

Anyway, I trust I've made my feelings known.

The title lied: World's Finest from 25 years ago.

God bless Ian Brill. After looking after our house and cat (not necessarily in that order) while Kate and I were away in the UK on an unexpected and not entirely enjoyable trip, he left me with a welcome home present: WORLD'S FINEST #283 and 284 from the halcyon days of 1982, knowing that the only thing more helpful in killing any rose-tinted nostalgia for my childhood than a trip home to see family would be comics from when I was eight years old.

Don't get me wrong; I actually enjoyed these two books, but not really thanks to writer Cary Burkett or artist George Tuska. I mean, sure, good for them for bringing back the Composite Superman (the villain in these stories) in the first place, but there's absolutely nothing inventive, fun or even that interesting about what they do with him - Pretty much, he could be any powerful, generic supervillain considering what he actually ends up doing in the two-part story. He's not even visually impressive, which is all the more impressive considering the fact that his outfit is half-Superman, half-Batman, and he glows green, Tuska's worst sin no matter how many times he makes Superman look as if he is overweight with a receding hairline (Didn't they have any editors back then who'd point this out?). Even a guest-appearance by the Legion of Super-Heroes, which feels as if it really should be impressive - Superman has to go to the future to bring back an army of superheroes to kick the bad guy's ass! - is presented in such an underwhelming way that you have to wonder whether the creators cared about anything other than a paycheck when thinking this stuff up; it's literally "Oh, whatever we have to do to fill the pages" translated onto the page.

There's actually something kind of wonderful about how crap the whole thing is. I can imagine the 1982 version of Savage Critic complaining about how half-assed the stories are, complete with "It's Okay but just imagine what Len Wein could've done with the idea" or something similar. You get the feeling that these really were paycheck books done to meet deadline, which just isn't there in comics anymore; these days, even the crappy comics leave you with the feeling that someone really did think that their work was more than just a job at the time. Also gone in these days of sincerity and pretension is the other saving grace for the two-parter: The fact that the lack of ambition means that the genre template is followed to the very letter: The bad guy says things like "Fool! Your stupidity is as great as your size! Haven't you learned by now that nothing you do will hurt me?" while the heroes wisecrack and have each other's backs in between having no discernible personalities whatsoever. There is punching, sure, but no real damage to be seen, and it's old-fashioned ingenuity that saves the day via an out-of-nowhere deus ex machina... Pretty much everything that you want from a comic like this, which manages to be both comfortably familiar and depressing at the same time.

It's reading things like this - which is twenty-five years old, and now I feel old - that make you realize that comics have been pretty shitty for years, thanks very much (and say what you like about Jeph Loeb, but his stuff is much better than this. Well, except his Wolverine run). I'm not sure if that's the greatest moral to take from the whole experience, but it's the one I'm sticking with right now, at least.

Arriving 12/12/2007

Is it just me, or does this seem kinda light-ish for 2-weeks-before-Christmas? 2000 AD #1563 2000 AD #1564 A G SUPER EROTIC ANTHOLOGY #71 (A) AFTER THE CAPE II #2 (OF 3) AMAZING SPIDER-GIRL #15 ANGEL AFTER THE FALL #1 2ND PTG (PP #790) ANGELUS PILOT SEASON #1 ANT UNLEASHED #1 ASTOUNDING WOLF-MAN #4 BAT LASH #1 (OF 6) BATMAN STRIKES #40 BATTLESTAR GALACTICA ORIGINS #1 BLACK ADAM THE DARK AGE #5 (OF 6) BOOSTER GOLD #5 BORDERLAND ONE SHOT BOYS #13 BPRD KILLING GROUND #5 (OF 5) CAPTAIN CARROT AND THE FINAL ARK #3 (OF 3) CARTOON NETWORK ACTION PACK #20 CORY DOCTOROWS FUTURISTIC TALES HERE AND NOW #3 (OF 6) COUNTDOWN ARENA #2 (OF 4) COUNTDOWN SEARCH FOR RAY PALMER RED SON #1 COUNTDOWN SPECIAL THE ATOM 80 PAGE GIANT #1 (OF 2) COUNTDOWN TO FINAL CRISIS 20 CRAWL SPACE XXXOMBIES #2 DARKNESS CVR B KEOWN #1 DEVI #15 DMZ #26 ELEPHANTMEN WAR TOYS #1 (OF 3) ENGINEER #1 (OF 4) FABLES #68 FALLEN ANGEL IDW #22 FANTASTIC FOUR #552 GARGOYLES #7 GEN 13 #15 GHOST RIDER #18 GREEN ARROW BLACK CANARY #3 GREEN LANTERN #25 (NOTE PRICE) GREEN LANTERN CORPS #19 GRIMM FAIRY TALES #19 HATE ANNUAL #7 HIGHLANDER WAY O/T SWORD #1 HYBRID BASTARDS #1 (OF 3) IRON MAN POWER PACK #2 (OF 4) JLA CLASSIFIED #48 JUDGE DREDD MEGAZINE #265 JUGHEAD #186 KILLING GIRL #5 (OF 5) LIVING WITH THE DEAD #3 (OF 3) LOVELESS #21 MAD CLASSICS #20 MAD MAGAZINE #485 MARVEL ADVENTURES HULK #6 MARVEL COMICS PRESENTS #4 MISERICORDIA #1 (OF 11) NEGATIVE BURN #15 NEOZOIC #2 NEW AVENGERS #37 NEW WARRIORS #6 NEXUS ORIGIN ONE SHOT NIGHTWING #139 (GHUL) NOVA #9 PIRATES OF CONEY ISLAND #6 (OF 8) POISON ELVES #80 (RES) POTTERS FIELD #3 (OF 3) PUNISHER WAR JOURNAL #14 SALVATION RUN #2 (OF 7) SCALPED #12 SIMON DARK #3 SPAWN #173 SPIDER-MAN FAMILY #6 SPIDER-MAN RED SONJA #5 (OF 5) STORMWATCH ARMAGEDDON #1 STREETS OF GLORY #3 (OF 6) SUICIDE SQUAD RAISE THE FLAG #4 (OF 8) SUPERMAN CONFIDENTIAL #10 TALES OF THE SINESTRO CORPS ION #1 TAROT WITCH OF THE BLACK ROSE #47 THIRTEEN STEPS #3 ULTIMATE IRON MAN II #1 (OF 4) UN-MEN #5 WALKING DEAD #45 WARHAMMER 40K BLOOD & THUNDER CVR A #2 (OF 5) WOLVERINE #60 WONDER GIRL #4 (OF 6) WONDER WOMAN #15 WORMWOOD ONE SHOT X-FACTOR #25 2ND PTG VAR X-FACTOR #26 MC X-MEN DIE BY THE SWORD #5 (OF 5)

Books / Mags / Stuff APPLESEED ID TP ASTRONAUT DAD VOL 1 GN BLAKE & MORTIMER THE MYSTERY O/T GREAT PYRAMID VOL 1 GN CASTAWAYS SC CHRONICLES OF WORMWOOD LAST ENEMY GN CLASSICS ILLUSTRATED THREE MUSKETEERS COMMON FOE TP (RES) CRIMINAL VOL 2 LAWLESS TPB ESSENTIAL DR STRANGE TP VOL 03 FORTEAN TIMES #230 GEEK MONTHLY #12 HELLBOY ANIMATED MAGNET LOBSTER JOHNSON IRREDEEMABLE ANT-MAN TP VOL 02 SMALL MINDED DIGEST JUXTAPOZ JAN 2008 VOL 15 #1 KABUKI BLOODSPATTERED SCARAB PX AF KUROSAGI CORPSE DELIVERY SERVICE VOL 5 TP LEES TOY REVIEW DEC 2007 #182 LOST OFFICIAL MAGAZINE #14 PX ED MARVEL ADVENT FANTASTIC FOUR TP VOL 07 SILVER SURFER DIGEST MIDARA GN NEW PTG (A) NARUTO VOL 25 TP NARUTO VOL 26 TP NARUTO VOL 27 TP NEW X-MEN TP VOL 05 CHILDHOODS END NOVA TP VOL 01 ANNIHILATION CONQUEST NYC MECH TP VOL 02 BETA LOVE PAPYRUS THE REVENGE OF THE RAMSES GN RED SONJA VOL 3 RISE OF GATH HC RED SONJA VOL 3 RISE OF GATH TP REGULATOR COLLECTION SC ROBOT GN VOL 04 SERENITY INARA STRIKES STATUE SHOWCASE PRESENTS JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA TP VOL 03 SPIKE SHADOW PUPPETS TP STARCHILD MYTHOPOLIS II VOL 1 GN TOYFARE IRON MAN MOVIE CVR #126 ULTIMATES 2 HC WELCOME TO TRANQUILITY VOL 1 TP WONDER WOMAN AMAZONS ATTACK HC ZOMBIES GN

What looks good to YOU?

-B

All that we see or seem: Douglas reads two not-a-comics from 12/5

I've generally been enjoying Following Cerebus a lot, and I say this as somebody who was a hardcore Cerebite all the way up to the end of the series but drew the line at "Collected Letters 2." (I scan Sim's blog every once in a while to see if he's talking about comics, and scroll dejectedly past the rest.) Some issues have been fantastic, especially #5, which was mostly about the role of editors in comics; others have been dodgier, but I'm very glad that a magazine exists that will print 100 pages of Dave Sim interviewing Neal Adams, you know? Following Cerebus #11 is very, very late--I think it's been about a year since the last one--which is pretty depressing given that Sim and Gerhard never missed a monthly deadline for their final 200 issues, and when they did blow a few ship dates--somewhere in the middle of Church & State--they went just about biweekly until they caught up. This issue's on the theme of "dreams," at least at first: there's a spectacular wraparound cover by Sim and Gerhard (apparently their final cover collaboration) of Cerebus asleep and having a nightmare, an interview with Rick Veitch on the subject of dreams and comics (I hadn't previously heard of this amazingly weird and wonderful-looking Simon/Kirby series, although I found out yesterday that Jesse Reklaw had), and a page of filler text on the subject of why most of the issue isn't quite about dreams and Cerebus.

Then things get peculiar. There's a not-especially-funny satirical piece that purports to be a dialogue with Sim about Collected Letters 2, but isn't (it doesn't seem to have any actual Sim involvement), and never makes it past the cover. (Well, we're in the same boat there.) There's an eight-page essay by Sim about the way Barry Windsor-Smith's Opus interfaces with his particular world-view, prompted by a line in the introduction to a reprint of BWS's "Cerebus Dreams" last issue, followed by a seven-page dialogue between editor Craig Miller and Sim about that essay. There are five commissioned drawings by Sim from 2006 (one of them pretty funny), from which we learn that he's having to learn how to draw bricks all by himself again. There's a letter the late Drew Hayes wrote to Sim in 1990; there's a letter from a mathematician, sighing gently at the Adams interview, followed by a photo of Sarah Michelle Gellar. This isn't even Following Cerebus, it's Following Following Cerebus, a magazine disappearing into meta-analysis of itself.

And... it's Eh for the money at best. Still, I'd happily pay twice as much for a 40-page collection of Sim's recent commissions--or, for that matter, Gerhard's recent commissions. Brian Coppola has been commissioning Gerhard to do a series called "The World Without Cerebus"--moments from or suggested by the series that don't have any characters in them--and they're predictably gorgeous. (I found out about it via Todd Hignite's post here.) Coppola's also got an online "museum" of his original art and commissions; among other things, he commissioned a Sim/Gerhard "recreation" of two pages from Cerebus #29, and it's fascinating to see that Sim didn't just redraw that scene, he partially rewrote it.

Also in the not-comics department: Alphabets of Desire, the Alan Moore text lettered by Todd Klein that Klein's been selling via his blog as a signed limited-edition print. It's apparently sold out already (there'll be a second printing next year), and its themes and namedrops won't be new to those who've been paying attention to Moore over the last decade or so: the Tree of Life, John Dee, Austin Spare. (Spare, in fact, is the guy who popularized the idea of the alphabet of desire, a form of sigil magic.) Moore's view of language is rather Whorfian, and pretty questionable at best when he starts talking about how "if we do not wrap it in the word, a concept is beyond our apprehension." (Let's not get into his description of DNA.) It's a lovely piece of writing, though, and an Excellent object (that will probably end up on my office wall)--Klein's lettering is so closely bound up with Moore's latter-day writing in my mind that they seem to naturally go together, and I'm the kind of image-language-text-sensation geek who's happy to have this serve as my version of "Footprints."

Glutton for Punishment Part II: Jeff Wraps Up His Look At the 12/06 Books.

Oy, I'm such a dink. Not only did I screw up the arrival dates of the books (it's 12/05, not 12/06) but I totally forgot to open my previous post with sincere thanks to everyone who took the time to vote on what I should do for the site this month. I really appreciated janesmith3's vote since it looked like an ASCII cylon raider, but, honestly, I'm grateful to everyone who took the time to give me feedback, both there and just below. Anyhoo, Part 2:

NIGHTMARES & FAIRY TALES #21: One of the things I regret about splitting when I did is never writing about the high weirdness that was volume 1 of "Make 5 Wishes," the deeply odd Avril Lavigne comic from Del Rey by artist Camilla D'Errico and writer Joshua Dysart: it's this book in which a lonely girl ends up with a demon that can grant wishes and the only one who can help her figure things out is her imaginary friend Avril Lavigne. It was one of those books you kinda can't believe you're reading while you're reading it and, while still not in the same league as, say, Fletcher And Zenobia Save The Circus, something so distinct you give it a pass on all of its shortcomings.

I'm tempted to do the same with Nightmares & Fairy Tales #21, since writer Serena Valentino and artist D'Errico are trying something similarly odd (Valentino describes it as a mix of Carnivale, Deadwood and H.P. Lovecraft) in this story of a traveling freak show, the heartless bastard who runs it, and a captive mermaid. Unfortunately, D'Errico's delicately sketched linework doesn't have the same impact without the lovely color work of Make 5 Wishes, and Valentino's script is relatively hackneyed; only the suggestion that the innocent-seeming mermaid might be even more inhuman and terrible than the main character gave me any inclination to pick up the next issue. I gotta go with EH, as much as I'd prefer otherwise, but I hope these creators continue to develop their chops here and elsewhere.

NORTHLANDERS #1: I'm really frustrated with myself on this book--while I really like a lot of the ideas Wood's playing with here (a story that takes echoes of Hamlet and turns them into almost a Norse version of Point Blank, a narration that subtly uses anachronisms to give the protagonist's concerns and thoughts an immediacy), I didn't actually enjoy any of it. Colorist Dave McCaig seems like he's working overtime in every panel to work some depth into Davide Gianfelice's art but it's not quite enough: the book didn't look spare as much as it did not-quite-finished. I'm gonna call it OK and let's see where it goes.

OMEGA THE UNKNOWN #3: Lethem continues to nudge this book toward its own concerns and between him, Dalrymple on art (and--Jeezis!--Paul Hornschemeier doing the coloring!), there's no denying there's a ton of talent tackling this book, but I'm still a little underwhelmed. One of the things that made the original Omega such a strange book was the clash between Gerber & Skrenes' unorthodox scripts and Jim Mooney's traditional art. And while Mooney,like John Buscema, liked working on non-traditional material, his work had enough associations and influences from his superhero work it made the material even more striking. Whereas here, Lethem and Dalrymple (and--Jeezis!--Hornschemeier!) alll seem too much in the same vein: it's a little too glib, too easy, and too superficial. What I'm trying to say is, maybe a book called Omega The Unknown would benefit from a little more not-knowingness, you know? I'm still on board, but the meter keeps moving toward EH, bit by bit.

SILVER SURFER IN THY NAME #2: Simon Spurrier obviously took the time to put himself through Silver Surfer 101. So even though I disagree with The Silver Surfer suddenly being able to astrally project himself (don't even get me started on how it messes with previous contuity, let's just agree the last thing The Silver Surfer needs is yet another vaguely defined power and move on), I'm not even gonna bother. Similarly, although Tan Eng Huat (and ace colorist Jose Villarrubia) aren't really anywhere close to following the moves from the Kirby/Buscema playbook, they're working their butts off. But even taking all that off the table, the book feels really cramped to me, making me think the Surfer is one of those larger-than-life characters who needs less panels per page than the relatively steady six-per-page we get here. I'm bummed I gotta go with EH here as well.

SUBURBAN GLAMOUR #2: It's great to get a big eyeful of Jamie McKelvie's work in color, and the story is blessedly direct. I'd be lying if I didn't admit I have quibblage--for an artist working from his own script, McKelvie occasionally stages things a bit more awkwardly than you'd expect, and there's one sequence that exists for no other reason than to eat up a bit of space--and yet I found it to be GOOD fun, overall. More, please.

SUPERGIRL #24: My first read garnered me an enormous "Huh?" In part, this was while the good people at Supergirl were kind enough to have a story-based recap page, the next few pages were so disorienting I wasn't sure if the recap had stopped. The second read made quite a bit more sense, however, and I guess it makes a case for why Supergirl's discontent that's a lot less gross than what we've seen previously. But unless the first issue (which I didn't read) is a lot more action packed than the first, all the wordless pages makes me wonder if this wasn't a single issue story expanded into two. On its own, I'd generously give it an EH (if I hadn't felt so rusty with this reviewing thing, I doubt I would've given this issue a second read-through and just dismissed it out of hand), but if the first issue is especially kick-ass or sets a tone that makes this pacing more valid, I guess you could bump it up to an OK, if you wanted.

THE SWORD #3: Didn't read the first two issues and maybe that's for the best because this issue moved like a MOTHERfucker, escalating things steadily so the final splash page simultaneously lets you catch your breath and tries to kick you one last time in the gut. I liked Ultra, and thought Girls was a huge ol' mess, but if these guys can keep their control of the material as strong as it is here, The Sword might just knock it out of the park. Very Good stuff, I thought.

ULTIMATE X-MEN #88: Haven't read an issue of this book since Millar left, so I'm coming into this very, very cold and, again, am impressed with the recap page. It wasn't a work of genius or anything but it did give me an idea of the bigger picture. This wasn't a terrible issue, I gotta admit--in fact, as a guy with a thing for girls with glasses, I'll go one step further and admit that last panel of Ultimate Emma Frost made me glad I picked it up--but Ultimate X-Men has clearly become the X-Men equivalent of Beatlemania, where all the greatest hits get trotted out one after the other, or even run together in a medley as needs dictate. For example, this issue alone has Ultimate Cable, Ultimate Bishop, Ultimate Emma Frost, Ultimate Psylocke, the return of Ultimate Beast, Ultimate Phoenix, a round of Ultimate softball out at Ultimate Xavier's Mansion, Ultimate Hellfire Club and a last panel of, I'll assume, Ultimate Apocalypse (though it'd be awesome if it were Penultimate Apocalypse or something). Oh sure, Ultimate Colossus is gay and Ultimate Cable is apparently Ultimate Wolverine from the future or something, but that doesn't seem to matter as much as you'd think. Ultimate Paul is playing and singing Paul's parts, and Ultimate Ringo is playing the drums just like Ringo. In this age of trade paperbacks and CD-Roms and experimental direct comics subscriptions and bit torrent and back issues--to say nothing of how many fuckin' X-Men books are still on the market--does anyone really need this apart from the company and creative teams' bank accounts? Ultimate Emma Frost in white corset and sexy black glasses aside, I'd say no. Sub-EH.

UNCANNY X-MEN #493: See? The regular X-Men books are doing perfectly fine all by themselves at taking all the old greatest hits and mixing 'em up. As for this issue, I read it and, as you would expect from starting a crossover at Part 6, I don't really have the necessary investment as a reader for anything in this issue to have much of an impact. I liked that we got to see someone in striped pajama pants fight the Sentinels, I guess. It all seemed coherent enough even if I didn't care, however, and that's a good sign. I don't know. Issues like this make me wish Paul O'Brien had Google Ads or something set up over at The X-Axis because reading books like this make me realize what an invaluable service he performs each and every week, and he should get paid for it. Because while I feel confident saying this was an OK issue, Paul can really tell you and, to the extent your opinions mesh with his, you can bank on it. That's a valuable god-damn service.

WORLD WAR HULK AFTERSMASH: No offense to the current creative team, but if Marvel put Greg Pak on Iron Man, I think they might be doing themselves a favor: apart from the shout-out to that insane issue of Marvel Team-Up where Hercules tows Manhattan back into place, the only thing in this weak sauce that really impressed me was how well Pak handled the (presently) complex character of Tony Stark/Iron Man. However, between the above-mentioned weak sauce and the price tag of $3.99 for a book that includes six pages of promo material Marvel couldn't even be bothered to color, I gotta go with Awful. I'll assume the rest of the event wasn't this lame.

X-MEN DIE BY THE SWORD #4: I can't really give a decent review of this book since I didn't read the previous three issues, but since Chris Claremont didn't give it a decent script, I'm okay with that.

...

I kid, I kid. If you're still reading Claremont at this point, you know what you're getting (a morass of characters and plots, quips and aphorisms so hoary they're probably on a motivational poster somewhere) and you obviously either want it or feel compelled to support it. I can dig it. It's a shame that a previously unsinkable franchise like The Exiles is getting rebooted as a result of all this, though, and that Claremont--like some fanboy Captain Ahab--is obsessed with being able to finally write The Fury (or the The Fury Prime, or whatever it's called) but those are my hang-ups. But I think some messy storytelling flubs (the weirdness with Longshot's knife and invisible Merlyn, the lack of a splash page at the end when the Fury emerges so Captain Britain has to tell you what the hell is happening) would bump this down a few notches even for you, right? So I'll go with Awful and you can go with _____, and we'll both go with God, okay?

ZOMBIES VS ROBOTS VS AMAZONS #1: Well, it's dumb. And expensive. But really, really pretty. And here's only one robot (so far). I'd go with AWFUL even though, again, it's really, really pretty. Keep in mind I'm so far afield of Ashley Wood's target audience--pot dealers who like to leave comic books out on the kitchen table so their customers have something to read, I'm thinking--I should not be considered fair counsel.

PICK OF THE WEEK: My memory's a little hazy. I think it's LOBSTER JOHNSON IRON PROMETHEUS #4 and/or THE SWORD #3.

PICK OF THE--ULTIMATES 3 #1!--OF THE WEAK: Sorry, couldn't wait.

NEXT WEEK: Maybe not as many books!

Oh, and make sure you don't miss Diana's post about webcomics below, okay? I'm hoping it's just the first article of several giving noobs like me the lay of the land.

Diana Goes Digital #0: Secret Origins

With Jog doing his bit for manga, I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to add even more diversity to our humble site by introducing a new regular feature: webcomic reviews! I'll be focusing on free series, starting with webcomics that have run their course and concluded - like graphic novels, they represent a complete, self-contained reading experience. After that we'll move on to ongoing series, alternating between some old favorites of mine and webcomics I've recently discovered. But before we get to the good stuff, I thought I'd start this prestigious #0 issue (now with exclusive Brian Hibbs triple-fold hologram variant cover - scratch it and it procreates!) with a discussion about webcomics as a whole: why they matter to me, why I get such a kick out of them, and what they have to offer those mainstream readers who may have gotten a bit tired of the current output.

I first discovered webcomics a few years ago, via my dear friend Jacob (who, some months later, put up his own short-lived but brilliant webcomic called NAUSEA, now sadly offline). I'd come back to comics after a long hiatus, and we were discussing genre: even then, when I was still very enthusiastic about the mainstream, I had to admit that the superheroes wore a bit thin at times. It was always such a treat to discover something like Kyle Baker's WHY I HATE SATURN or Judd Winick's ADVENTURES OF BARRY WEEN, proving that the medium could be used for more than just fights-in-tights.

At some point in the conversation, I brought up WHY I HATE SATURN and asked why we couldn't have something like that on a regular basis: no grandiose cosmic spectacles, no superpowers, no suspension of disbelief necessary - just ordinary people hashing out their ordinary lives, with all the drama and fun and sadness and joy that comes with it. Jacob directed me to R.K. Milholland's SOMETHING POSITIVE. I was hesitant at first, for the same reason I'm picky with fan fiction - in a domain without any real quality control, you're taking a leap of faith that the next story you read won't be a reincarnation of THE EYE OF ARGON. Also, there's so many of them, owing to the fact that just about anyone can write and upload their creations online - who has the energy to sort through ten thousand wank fantasies for the good stuff? SOMETHING POSITIVE was, at the time, nearing the end of its fourth year: there was a lot of reading to be done. Jacob assured me it'd be worth the effort.

And damn him, he was right.

Looking back, I can identify several factors that made SOMETHING POSITIVE such a perfect gateway into webcomics for me. First, Milholland's tone resonated with the irreverent atmosphere of the Jemas administration, but with Marvel I always had the feeling that they were holding back: it was okay to make fun of the '90s, but I R SIRIUS KOMIC NAO. Milholland rarely, if ever, restrains himself, and when he goes for shock or provocation, he always seems motivated more by self-amusement than by the desire to target a specific demographic (see: Fred MacIntire versus the Idiot Christians). It somehow felt more authentic, a more direct channeling of the author's voice than anything you'd find in the mainstream. We've all seen good stories (or, at least, good intentions) gone off the rails due to editorial interference and licensing concerns (just look at the current state of Spider-Man, or ask yourself why, as Graeme noted, the "magic reboot" gets used so often lately), and that's something Milholland never really has to deal with. When you're dependent on your readers, you have to keep them happy, and if that had been the case with S*P, this probably wouldn't have happened. Nor this, for that matter. It's a kind of creative freedom you just don't see with the big companies.

Another aspect of SOMETHING POSITIVE that intrigued me was... well, precisely that "alternative genre" I'd been looking for. Here was a dark comedy bordering on satire, with a bunch of friends - abnormal in normal ways, if that makes sense - getting together to bitch about things that annoyed them. Not something you'd easily locate at my LCS, that's for sure. And that was just the tip of the iceberg: I've read sci-fi webcomics, gaming parody webcomics, fantasy webcomics, action webcomics... I never felt boxed in as I do with the direct market, where only a very specific type of story can survive for any significant amount of time (see: every unfortunate cancellation in the history of comics from DEADENDERS to SENTINEL to SMALL GODS). In fact, based on what I've seen, I'd guess that the superhero genre is actually among the least popular in the medium: if it does pop up, it's usually some tongue-in-cheek take on the subject matter (ie: Brad Guigar's EVIL INC.) or downright subversive (Justin Pierce's THE NEW ADVENTURES OF WONDERELLA). I believe that, like fanfic, webcomics partially exist to address a lack - the extremely narrow focus on superheroes by established companies left pretty much every other field up for grabs, just as fanfic seems predominantly occupied with taking the story to places the canon can't (or won't) go.

Now, I'll admit this isn't a flawless medium - the downside to having no higher authority is that writers can (and often do) simply abandon their stories mid-way through, having simply tired of the effort. It happens more frequently than you'd think - Sean Howard's A MODEST DESTINY stopped so many times, and ended so poorly, that I'm sorry I ever read past the first book. The closest analogy would be something like the Grant Morrison/Gene Ha AUTHORITY run, aborted mid-story with little hope of resolution. Another downside is the lack of permanence - just because a work is available one day doesn't mean it'll be available the next. After discovering K. Sandra Fuhr, I was quite interested in her earlier works, UTOPIA and THIS IS HOME... except she'd deleted them. That's a whole block of an author's bibliography that you'll never find in a bargain bin.

The issue of price (or lack thereof) can also be a bit of a sticking point in webcomics. The argument tends to go thusly: on the one hand, most webcomics are free, which means you can start, stop and resume whenever you like, with absolutely no limitations. You get what may be an incredible tale at no cost at all. On the other hand, if things go sour, and you don't like where the story's going, the counter is that since you're not paying for it anyway, you don't really have the "right" to make demands. It's an iffy debate that I'm not getting into now - hell, I've always thought that even paying customers don't complain enough (though when they do, it's bloody brilliant), but it does raise the question of how you'd rate the importance of an editor: Tom Brevoort didn't do much to make AVENGERS DISASSEMBLED readable, but leaving all the creative decisions in the hands of the writer can lead to some unfortunate storytelling decisions - FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE being the most egregarious example, though DOMINIC DEEGAN: ORACLE FOR HIRE has made a few wrong turns as well.

Getting back to the whole price thing: the reason free webcomics are so important, especially these days with the digital piracy issue on the table, is because you have a ready-made alternative to amorphous, institutionalized popularity contests (Zuda) and clunky, uncomfortable efforts to lure you into paying anyway (Marvel's online initiative). And for those who prefer paper comics just because they like the feel, or because they're attached to those familiar icons such as Batman and Spider-Man, ask yourself this: how much are you willing to spend, and for how long, on comics that are decidedly inferior to, say, Rich Burlew's THE ORDER OF THE STICK or Shaenon Garrity's NARBONIC? I understand the attachment - hell, I'm still reading print comics, aren't I? - but at the same time, I could drop Marvel, DC and the rest of them tonight without feeling a very great loss. I haven't done so mainly because there's a handful of writers out there who still interest me, but if they were out of the picture? I would be too.

It's been almost three years since I discovered SOMETHING POSITIVE. I'm still reading it, along with nearly twenty other webcomics from a wide array of genres. I've stumbled onto completed webcomics that ran on a daily basis for five to seven years, huge and sprawling series I could read at my leisure, years compressed to days or weeks. I've read EXCELLENT stories.

And I'll be sharing them with you.

Glutton For Punishment: Jeff Takes on the 12/06 Books (Part 1, Maybe).

This is both caveat and invitation. Six months ago, I stopped working behind the counter at CE and reading the week's releases as they came out. It feels like it's been fifty kajillion years, to be honest. I've only read one issue of Countdown, missed two wars (World War Hulk and the Sinestro Corps War), and let entire storylines I was kinda interested in finish up without me bothering (Action Comics, Wonder Woman, Justice League, Fantastic Four). I've continued to buy some monthly releases (everything by Brubaker, pretty much, Morrison's Batman, Blue Beetle) on which I am, with a few exceptions, completely behind. Since June, it's pretty much been Kirby Omnibuses (Omnibi?), some indy books, and a ton of manga.

I'd like to think this'll mean I'll bring "soft eyes" (as the people at The Wire would have it) to these old school big-ass round-ups. But what it probably means is you'll have to issue corrections-a-plenty in the comments field, and remind me that "Ben Grimm is The Thing, not The Hulk," "Norman Osborne is still alive and running Thunderbolts" and "Geoff Johns is only writing twenty comics a month now, and not forty."

Caveat/invitation (or cavitation, if you prefer) out of the way:

30 DAYS OF NIGHT BEYOND BARROW #2: Steve Niles and Bill Sienkiewicz have a lazy-off and we're invited! While I've never cottoned much to Niles' tin ear, he's at least trying to make things easier for his artist by setting the bulk of his scenes either inside a Humvee or in a snowstorm. Sienkiewicz, on the other hand, while turning in some lovely splash pages, can't even be bothered to make the book's single action scene slightly comprehensible. (If you've read Sienkiewicz's classic work, you know he's capable of doing it and getting all the neat splashy impressionistic effects he wants.) Didn't read the first issue of this; won't be reading the last issue of this. AWFUL stuff.

ABYSS #2: A sitcom version of Wanted, this works moderately well, with decent dialogue, great pacing, and a good change-up in the plot (also, a helpful, legible recap page which, since I didn't read the first issue, was a huge plus). I'm a little over books that use analogues to shorthand relationships (and provide for easy joke fodder) but that wasn't handled too badly. Highly OK and I wouldn't mind seeing the next issue.

ALL NEW ATOM #18: Didn't read the previous issue of this, but the priorities of the ending seem a bit off: what about Atom's date? Is Head dead? It's a bummer the big hero moments push away the small character stuff, but isn't that usually the way with Marvel and DC these days? On the plus side, having an angry mob burn Atom on a Foreman Grill is a funny spin on the classic Silver Age "Atom in Peril" scenes. If I was following this book regularly, it'd probably rank on the OK side of things for me. Since it's not really my thing, it got a high EH.

ALL STAR BATMAN AND ROBIN THE BOY WONDER #8: When a comic book opens up right after the Joker has finished making sweet love, you know it's gonna be weird. Although, actually, the rest of the book is relatively straightforward, slow-moving, and cameo-jammed; it's like it was written by Jeph Loeb on elephant tranquilizers. The only other notable bit of weirdness about it is Batman's interior narration concerning Dick Grayson, which sounds a bit like if you cast Marv from Sin City in the Adam Sandler role in Big Daddy: "Damn. This brat's starting to get to me. What am I doing, playing father? This is the dumbest move I've made in my whole life." Huh? Sadly, not insane enough to be more or less than EH.

ATOMIC ROBO #3: Every time I read that title and it doesn't say "Atomic Hobo," I die a little. The pacing falls apart a little--okay, a lot--at the end (there should at least be a "To Be Continued---?" or something before launching into the back-up story, and the back-up story has no real kick to it unless you know who Jack Parsons is), but writer Brian Clevenger has a nice, rambley way with the dialogue and Scott Wegner's art seems simple and clean without being lazy (although I might've felt differently if this book had been in black and white). Like Abyss, the high concept seems a little too clear to me--it's a robot Hellboy only much sunnier, basically--but, like Abyss, I can see myself picking up another issue if I come across it on the stands. Oh, and I also really appreciated the text page here, too. OK stuff.

AVENGERS: THE INITIATIVE ANNUAL: With the possible exception of the guy who goes on military maneuvers in his wifebeater, this is all pretty intelligently crafted, less a typical Marvel annual than the sort of Secret Files thing DC was so big on not too long ago. What's weird to me, though, is how un-Marvel the approach to the Initiative is--with the possible exception of The Liberteens (an amusing Young Avengers style take on the Liberty Legion), these characters feel like they could be characters in the Wildstorm universe, or Shooter's New Universe, or half a dozen other generic superhero universes. Having the Avengers logo slapped on the logo only makes that stand out even more for me. It's highly OK at least, but it didn't instill me with the faintest desire to see the characters again, because I feel like I've already seen them twenty or thirty times before, and that's kind of a bummer.

BATMAN #671: I've been pretty underwhelmed with Morrison's run on Batman so far--that lovely work by J.H. Williams on the Black Glove story arc was the best case of lipstick on a pig I've seen in some time--but this issue makes me think I just shouldn't expect more than some clever jokes and a bunch of the good ol' kick & punch. Taken purely on that standard, this was pretty OK. In fact, considering it's part 4 of a 7 part inter-book crossover, it's really highly OK. It's still not kung-pao'ing my chicken, though.

BLACK SUMMER #4: First issue of this I've read, although I'm aware of the story's hook thanks to our pal The Internet. Juan Jose Ryp's art is always initially lovely but there never seems to be a lot of signal to go with all the noise, and while it makes for a pretty kick-ass street fighting scene, the following airfight sequence loses, rather than gains, tension as a result. Although I'd say this was mighty EH, it was also more interesting than the last three Authority reboots I read.

BLUE BEETLE #21: I tried to read this with an open mind, but guest writer Justin Peniston has still got a ways to go. He opens and closes the book with the old saying "there are no atheists in foxholes," but to do so, Jaime's father explains the saying means "you have to have faith in yourself" which couldn't be more wrong. Amusing ("And that's what the old saying 'never do anal' means, Jaime: you have to have faith in yourself"), but wrong. EH, but since this is normally one of my favorite books on the market, that's more disappointing than the rating would show.

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER #9: Wraps up a pitch-perfect little arc by BKV, and if he ever decides to do a Faith miniseries, I'll be front and center. I'm extraordinarily underwhelmed by Georges Jeanty's work, however: there's a few shots of Giles where he looks like a ginormous headed Martian (the purple coloring doesn't help, I admit). Overall, though, really Good stuff.

COUNTDOWN ARENA #1: Of course, I wasn't expecting this to be good or anything, but I was still startled by how god-damned stupid it was, even by its own "Contest of Champions meets Saw" standard. Wake me when they get around to doing "Secret Wars II meets Hostel," will ya? Craptacular.

COUNTDOWN TO FINAL CRISIS 21: Second issue of this I've ever read, and it looks less like an epic storyline (or even several) than an epic excuse to cram in every secondary figure of the DCU so as to get cash from their readership. I mean, OMACs, Jason Todd, Karate Kid, Donna Troy, Batman Beyond, and the Monitors, all in one issue, plus Granny Goodness on the cover? (The last of which, by the way, I think even Kirby was never foolhardy enough to do.) This isn't a comic book, it's a mating call! And yet, when one gets down to such uninhibited pandering (as in, say, porn), what's fascinating is how fickle and impatient those being pandered to really are: like any cheesy porn, Countdown is actually really dull because the viewer, encountering a world ostensibly created entirely for them, can't help but pick it apart. (In the case of porn: there's no story; these women are creeping me out; why isn't the sex hot? In the case of Countdown: there's no story; Jason Todd is creeping me out; why isn't the art any good?) It's tempting to give it an EH since it could be much worse than it is, but pandering rarely engenders good will, which is probably why it's easier to call it AWFUL.

DEATH OF THE NEW GODS #3: Seeing Jim Starlin finally write and draw a New Gods comic is a dream come true for me: unfortunately, it turns out to be that dream where Mr. Spock won't stop making unwanted sexual advances. Seeing the guy who created the second best rip-off of Darkseid (with George Lucas arguably creating the first) finally get his hands on Darkseid should be fun and exciting, but instead I kept noticing how everyone in this book looked like they had to poop. So much squatting! It's like Starlin decided to draw Kirby poses but show them from new angles to highlight how unnatural they are. There's also some bullshit about fighting artificially created parademons so the heroes can destroy indiscriminately without worrying about taking actual lives. Lame, lame, lame. It's like paying money to watch Eric Clapton cover a Howling Wolf blues tune and seeing him not only blow the melody, but shear off a fingertip on a guitar string. Depressingly AWFUL.

EXTERMINATORS #24: That faux Kurtz scene amazed me by transcending simple parody--there's a great panel of the character staring with a despair and horror that that tells more than just the exposition he's delivering--and using "Heart of Darkness" as a way to comment on how cruise lines continue the evils of colonialism is really sharp. But once the focus is changed from "colonialism" to "patriarchy," the theme, and the story, falls apart as you read it. (Like, why would the guy go onshore to get his whores and rock when he could stay on the ship?) One of the few times I've read a book and wished it could get a do-over: I think I'd like the next draft of this a lot more than I did this one. EH, in the end.

HOWARD THE DUCK #3: This has a lot going for it--Templeton's script, like classic Gerber scripts, is a mixture of social satire and sheer absurdity, and Bobillo's art is wonderful to look at, particularly in panels when Howard looks a duck version of Harvey Pekar--but also kind of misses the boat in some fundamental way I can't put my finger on. Templeton nails Howard's "only sane person in a world gone mad" positioning, but it's Howard's unique mercurial reactions to that position (angry, depressed, bemused, weary, self-pitying, resigned) that make the character who he is, and the Howard here is maybe a little better adjusted than that. (I also think that Howard worked better on the fringes of the MU, rather than so front and center). So I don't know how to rate it: It's OK, but it also feels a bit like a big mistake.

HOUSE OF M AVENGERS #2: As long as you can get over the creative team's utter misunderstanding of The House of M premise (if I remember correctly, Magneto isn't able to retcon all of reality, which is why Wolverine remembers the truth when he gets his memory back, and why Hawkeye flips out after reading the back issues in the Daily Bugle's morgue--it's a precarious half-universe Magneto and Wanda have set up and the history doesn't go very far back), it's pretty darn good. Mike Perkins' art is glossy but expressive (although occasionally very stiff), and Christos Gage puts a lot of depth into his B and C list characters. There's some plot-hammering, sure, and, depth of character aside, I'm not really sure why we're supposed to care about this alternate reality spin of events, but as a Marvel Elseworlds kind of thing about characters only me and a few other '70s nerds would care about, it's GOOD stuff. Baffling in a "why is this on the market?" kind of way, admittedly, but Good.

JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #15: Haven't bothered with the book since Meltzer left, but this issue at least, thanks in part to the art team and McDuffie's script, reads like Meltzer without all the Mary Sue date rapery ("Come on, you really like Red Arrow, don't you? Don't you? Come on...") which makes it both much more readable and less interesting. It would've been nice if there'd been at least one establishing shot to let me know where this was taking place since there was, at most, two panels with any sort of visible background in them at all, but whatever. Seemed like a pretty vacuous wrap-up but I didn't read the first three (or four?) issues setting it up so maybe I'm wrong. EH.

JUSTICE SOCIETY OF AMERICA #11: Might be the Alex Ross influence, or whatever nine million other deadlines he has going on, but Geoff Johns is usually better at having issues of his books read like actual issues and not just collections of cool scenes. I mean, we've got a cosmic treadmill sequence, the JLA and the JSA checking out Kingdom Come Superman, Power Girl crying, the JLA apparently fucking off because we never see them again, the JSA inspiring people by flying around like a Macy's Day parade float, we're introduced to Judomaster and three or four potentially embarrassing ethnic supervillains, there's a fight, Kingdom Come Superman thinks Judomaster should be arrested because she won't talk to people, Kingdom Come Superman and Power Girl have a touching scene together, then people find a body and Mr. America shows up. In the past, Johns was pretty good at traditional storytelling (something in the fight between Judomaster and those villains would make KC Superman realize he has to reach out to Power Girl) but this is frustrating in its "and then this happens to set that up, and this happens to set that up, and this happens because Alex wants an exploding Japanese fat man, and you can figure out why they're all in the same book." I'm loathe to call it AWFUL, but when I remember what this book was like in its previous run (particularly before issue #50 or so), I get very sad.

LOBSTER JOHNSON #4: I'll be picking up the trade on this. Hadn't bothered with previous issues since the Hellboy spin-off books usually don't do it for me (and I'm always suspicious of characters that sound like someone's nickname for their penis), but goddamn if artist Jason Armstrong and colorist Dave Stewart don't drive this baby to Awesometown. Mignola is also on his game here with a script that leaves plenty of room for big action moments, and he's got a nice way with the dialogue, so that when the villain says of this request for 369 dragons, "That will be the number of my army," you get that "hey, it's the pretentious-speaking bad guy" jolt without it just sounding like recycled Dr. Doomisms. VERY GOOD stuff and, like I say, I'll be getting the trade.

MIDNIGHTER: Some spiffy political subtext, brings back a character and ideas from Millar's run, filled with a lot of bloody violence, and has about the only plot hook (who was the Midnighter before he became the Midnighter) I can see being left to play with the character. Apart from a bad storytelling slip (Midnighter breaks the surveillance camera in his room, but a previous page shows that's he's being watched from multiple angles), there's not anything to bitch about. If Chris Sprouse was still on the book, I bet I'd even give this sucker a Good--but a combo of the art not doing much for me and being burnt out on the character puts it at highly OK for me. If you still like the character, however, you'll probably like this.

ROBIN #169: A real and ongoing problem with the bat-books--and with nearly all superhero books these days--is that the writers treat character motivations like switches they can turn on and off whenever they want. Not that I follow it that closely, but Tim Drake is fine with being an orphan except when he isn't; is the most level-headed member of the Bat-Family except when he's the most headstrong; and the least threatened by all the other Batman successors, except when he is. I'm okay with a gimme or two--Tim is obsessed with restoring Conner because he can't bring back his family, for example--but the conclusions Milligan comes to here about Robin's character seem like perfectly rational ones made by someone who hasn't bothered to read up on the character much. Which is all my long-winded way of saying: felt plot-hammered and I didn't care. EH.

ULTIMATES 3 #1: Weird and desperate even by Jeph Loeb's current storytelling standards, and I'm kinda shocked by the hubris at signing on to a book for which he has absolutely no affinity whatsoever. I read somewhere that Loeb had no interest in playing with political text and subtext as Millar did, but all that's leaves him with is making explicit the erotic bits and pieces Millar left more or less implicit, and the usual Loeb "here's a full page reveal of a surprise cameo" trick. The scenes are shittily paced (Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver leave the room and don't come back when something crashes through the wall five seconds later), the characterizations are off (the Ultimate Thor is using faux Shakespeare speak, Ultimate Wasp acts just like 616 Wasp, Ultimate Captain America is a sullen prude), and new characters are introduced without the slightest bit of characterization. It's all genuinely terrible stuff, but, amazingly, still not as bad as the overly dark, stilted, sketchy art. I mean, check out that first splash page where Thor is apparently punching himself through a wall, or where Valkyrie would be leaping off her winged horse if it wasn't thirty feet behind her, or that sequence where Quicksilver apparently chases a bullet after it's missed Wanda (rather than go after the shooter) and the bullet is beside him in one panel, behind him in another panel, and moving in a completely different direction in another. By the time Millar and Hitch were finished with their run, I had lost already lost interest in reading The Ultimates, and this issue still made me all but weep tears of blood. True CRAP, and an embarrassment to everyone involved. Yikes.

WET MOON, VOL. 3: Fetishistic plump girl cheesecake intermixed with ultra-banal dialogue--kinda like if Larry Clarke was into chunky girls instead of shirtless skater guys. And while Ross Campbell's work is formidably realized, with detailed characters and an ear for conversational nuance, it also felt aimless, obsessive, and incapable of insight (which is why I prefer, say, R. Crumb's and Dave Cooper's and Los Hernandez Bros' material as it rises above mere chunky girl obsessions). The craft makes it an OK book, and it wasn't an unpleasant read, but the unsavory onanistic qualities make it hard to really recommend.

***

Whew. I've still got another twelve books or so to go, but lemme get this out into the world and give my brain time to recharge, 'kay?

"Do you enjoy flirting with pain, my little hedgehog?": Jog could have bought this off of any magazine rack around, 12/5 or not

And that's not even the best line to be found in the publication under review today, dear old Heavy Metal, which released a new issue to comics stores this week. No, the gold cup can only go to this fearsome remark, dropped by a street tough in the middle of a mugging:

"Be calm and in a few minutes you will have the possibility to stay on your own and do your oscene acts!"

Maybe I've just been oscenely spoiled by the proliferation of manga, but I do kind of expect a higher quality of translation these days, particularly from what's still a highly visible, accessible forum for European comics in English. Maybe the most visible. I'm not saying that all manga translations are great or anything, but I can't recall the last time I found myself tripping on the dialogue, or scratching my head over what was supposed to be happening on a given page because the words weren't quite matching the pictures. That still happens with the non-English portions of this magazine, and it's really too bad.

I will say that that story I got the above example from (Friends, by Davide Furno & Paolo Armitano) was noticeably worse than the rest of the issue, but even the other pieces manage clunkers like "Now we are going to have some. Nobody can jerk me around and get away with it!" Oh well. Anyway -

Heavy Metal (Jan. 2008): The main feature for this new issue, which is what I'll focus on, is the 62-page debut of a brand-new series from artist Paolo Eleuteri Serpieri, best known for the eight-volume Morbus Gravis series of sci-fi sex comics starring a young woman named Druuna.

Druuna, in case you're not a seasoned reader, doesn't always wear so much clothing. This may well be the key to her international success, although Serpieri's knack for detailed, fiercely hatched and scratched environments may hold its own appeal for admirers of realist fantasy illustration.

That's what's at the fore of Hell (Les Enfers). Written by Jean Dufaux (of the series Raptors and Dixie Road, both in English from NBM), the album does sort of fudge the Dirk Deppey test for quality in Heavy Metal licenses, in that the human naked breasts don't show until page 33, although demonic nudity is prominent by page 5. Accordingly, there's a good deal of story in place, although most of it amounts to scene-setting.

The plot concerns political and religious trouble in a fantasy Venice. A ruined old man passes away, but not before entrusting his young daughter with a sacred artifact the family stole a few heads ago: three magical keys, each of which will unlock the hidden door to the afterlife, but produce a unique result. One will open Paradise. One will reveal Hell. And one will lead to absolute nothingness, which doesn't sound like a great deal either.

Aided by the old man's servant, a long-haired dude with strange secrets and a desire to dress in a cloak and mask while out looking for trouble, Our Heroine grows up to be La Luna, champion of the common folk against the theocratic reign of Sancti Aura, "the right-wing inquisitors" (think they're villains?), led by her wicked uncle (a guy with wires sticking out of half his metal head with a flesh face stretched across the front), who also wants the keys. As does Galadriel, a chalk-white male/female demon who's supposed to be watching the sacred door, but mostly scowls and gets easily misled.

Oh, and for a little extra topical kick, the Catholic-type inquisitors are expecting Islamic-style guests for a holy/magical technological Great Duel for the hearts and minds of the citizenry. Uncle Robot's big trick is to rip off an index finger, fire delightful cartoon lightning into a hole, and summon Moloch, a nuclear(?) warhead with tentacles.

(pardon the non-English illustration)

It's all very flush and socio-political in that European-pop-comics-that-tend-to-get-licensed-by-Heavy-Metal way, and actually fairly intriguing. I suppose the problem is that Dufaux has so much premise to knock through, that the whole story seems like an extended prologue, with the cast's basic motivations just barely sketched in by the close, which makes me wonder how future volumes of the same length might deepen these individual characterizations without knocking the pace out of wack. It doesn't compare well with a similar religion/politics series from a famous Italian smutty artist also running in Heavy Metal - Borgia, by Alejandro Jodorowsky and Milo Manara, which has a way of blowing through years of history with exploitation verve and a deeper, more convincingly cynical take on human and divine affairs.

Still, we've got Serpieri, and he lavishes attention on what I can best describe as Renaissance-fascist decor amidst obsolete future tech, and his characters have a way of remaining expressive despite the heaviness of their detail. Well, save for La Luna herself, who sometimes seems lacquered like a piece of furniture in the Druuna tradition - it's more fitting to heap such gloss on the heroine's posture if you're doing a male-targeted sex comic, since she's the obvious focal point of everyone's attention anyway, but a story this involved with place needs plenty of grit to get on everyone. OKAY.

The Beach of the Future: Douglas examines DC's publishing schedule for next summer

DC's graphic novel catalogue for Summer 2008 lists almost 150 books coming out between May and August. That's a lot for any publisher. Notably, there seem to be quite a few hardcovers collecting recent storylines; they include Batman: The Resurrection of Ra's Al Ghul, Booster Gold: 52 Pick-Up, Superman: Escape from Bizarro World, All Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder vol. 1, The Crime Bible: The Five Lessons of Blood, Green Lantern: The Sinestro Corps War vol. 2, Green Lantern: Tales of the Sinestro Corps, Justice League of America: The Injustice League, Superman: Last Son, The Flash: The Wild Wests, Superman and the Legion of Super-Heroes, Astro City: The Dark Ages vol. 1, World of Warcraft Vol. 1, The Brave and the Bold: The Book of Destiny, All Star Superman vol. 2, The Death of the New Gods and Metal Men. Some odd choices in there--Booster Gold, for instance, feels like a paperback kind of series to me--but it'll be interesting to see how this pans out.

Showcase volumes, for those who (like me) care: vol. 4 of Superman, vol. 3 of Batman and Green Lantern, vol. 2 of Hawkman, the Atom, the Flash and the Haunted Tank, and vol. 1 of House of Secrets.

A few highlights, month by month:

MAY 2008 Batman: The Resurrection of Ra's Al Ghul: One of ten Batman books coming out to catch the Dark Knight wave. Interesting to see this credited to "Grant Morrison and others," since Morrison is apparently writing exactly one episode of the crossover proper. Jack Kirby's O.M.A.C.: $25 hardcover, described as "a companion to the JACK KIRBY'S FOURTH WORLD OMNIBUS" series. I wonder if it'll be printed on newsprint, too? That was a weird but strangely effective design decision--the archivist in me howls at it, but that's also the format Kirby's work was created for, and it looks great. The Legion of Super-Heroes: 1,050 Years of the Future: a retrospective anthology commemorating 50 years since Adventure Comics #247. Absolute Sandman Vol. 3: Guess we don't have to wait a year for the next one! Vertigo: First Cut: Five bucks for the first issues of Army@Love, Crossing Midnight, DMZ, The Exterminators, Jack of Fables, Loveless and Scalped. Which suggests they'll all still be running then.

JUNE 2008 All Star Batman and Robin, the Boy Wonder, vol. 1: Implying that there will be a second volume eventually... Demo: The Brian Wood/Becky Cloonan miniseries, in a single volume from Vertigo. Y: The Last Man Vol. 10: Whys and Wherefores: I'll be curious to see what sort of wrap-up stories there are when this hits, as opposed to when the final issue of the series is published. The New York Four: Brian Wood and Ryan Kelly's Minx book. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Black Dossier: The Absolute Edition: 99 bucks.

JULY 2008 World of Warcraft vol. 1: I couldn't make it through the first issue, but I know there are some serious fans of the game out there; looks like Walter Simonson's signed on to write the whole first volume, at least. Janes in Love: The sequel to The PLAIN Janes.

AUGUST 2008 All-Star Superman Vol. 2: Well, assuming Quitely can complete three more issues by then... The Spirit Archives Vol. 25: Here's a nice surprise: this volume will reprint the complete run of the daily Spirit strip--initially drawn by Will Eisner (who only drew the first six weeks' worth, but continued to write it for a while), then by Jack Cole, and finally by Lou Fine. I'm crossing my fingers for a book reprinting all of Eisner's post-'50s Spirit stories, but I might be crossing them for a while. America's Best Comics Sampler: A $5 paperback with what looks to be the first issues of most of the non-LXG ABC titles.

Oh, Jeph!

Jeph Loeb is an odd writer -- he knows his fanboy moments, he's good at spinning out big wacky ideas, and he writes a lot of commercially successful books. Yet (regardless of positions on WIZARD's "hot list") he's barely the kind of writer that people specifically seek out -- it's far more fair to say that he manages to work with some of the best ARTISTS in the business, and so he has "heat by association" -- and, as a general rule, I find that (unlike, say, another "Big Idea" generator like a Grant Morrison) he seldom knows how to end his stories or to find something PAST that "big idea". (Your mileage, as they say, may vary)

On the other hand, I think he's an extremely nice guy, and everytime we've ever run into each other at a convention or something, he's always been extremely gracious and friendly, even if I've recently panned something he's written.

Let us hope that continues after today, for I come not to praise Caesar...

ULTIMATES 3 #1: seems to me to suffer from a somewhat normal "post-Millar" syndrome. Millar is, above all else, a showman who tries to come up with the biggest boldest ideas he can. I'd say we've seen this somewhat before, with THE AUTHORITY. What on EARTH can you follow Millar's run with? Basically, you can't. The stuff is so big, so apeshit, there's nowhere else to run with it.

People with really long memories can remember my thoughts on the end of Millar's first ULTIMATES arc (I said something like "Right, well, that's it, can't top that as a superhero extravaganza", which got me a semi-nasty "are you kidding me?" email from Mark Waid), and I still think that's pretty true -- in making a story so big and "contemporary", there really isn't a lot of places that are left to go.

In fact, I tend to think that both THE AUTHORITY (both Ellis' and Millar's runs) as well as THE ULTIMATES were very much "of their time", and trying to continue on, in the same vein, is almost certainly a doomed proposition. That's not to say it couldn't possibly be done -- anything is possible -- but that it probably makes more sense to come up with something else than to try and follow those acts.

But Jeph largely just follows what Millar established in ULTIMATES in ULTIMATES 3, without a whole lot of new ideas thrown in. Yep, these are pretty loathsome, amoral characters, but it's reasonably easy to overlook that as long as their foes are even worse, and there's enough 'splody to distract you.

In U3, there doesn't really appear to be any especial threat, other than the characters own amorality. Oh sure, someone gets shot, and there's a not-particularly-conforming-to-ULTIMATE-SPIDER-MAN-Venom attack that goes nowhere, but other than that it looks like a team full of death-seekers, libertines, junkies, and incest participants casting around waiting for a threat to emerge.

Structurally, there's not much in this first issue to bring me back for another.

Joe Madureira is another mystery to me -- I never really got the appeal of his body of work, and his, shall we say, lackadaisical approach to production always grated me the wrong way. I can't say, based on the work here that I would have necessarily even have guessed this was Joe Mad -- it doesn't look a whole lot like BATTLE CHASERS, really. What I wonder is how much of the art is actually the colorist, Christian Lichtner (who really really likes earth tones)?

It's been selling well enough, so far (though way below the last Millar/Hitch issue for us), and, of course, we're hoping and praying that enough of this is actually completed so that all five issues will come out when they should (The Ultimate Universe CAN'T afford another scheduling fiasco like U-2 became. Or even UltPOWER or UltVISION or the dreaded UltWOLVERINE/HULK) But what I really came away from this work feeling was that the Ulti-verse really feels like it is past its expiration date here. It hasn't gone sour quite yet, but there really isn't anything unique or compelling about it any longer.

Overall, I'd have to say EH, which is far less than you'd want for your Big Tentpole Comic.

***

Meanwhile, in things that Aren't Comics, I really have to comment on the conclusion of the second series of HEROES, and this seems like a good enough place to do it because the final episode said "written by Jeph Loeb" on it.

All of the goodwill I had for this series coming out of the first season (despite its very weak ending) has pretty much evaporated as the show made a series of increasingly poor decisions over these 11 episodes.

(there's definitely SPOILERS here if you haven't watched these yet [Jeff Lester])

First off, in a world-building environment, one of the key things which kicks out the legs of dramatic tension are things that are "too powerful" -- good examples are the powersets of Peter or Sylar, who can basically "do anything" to the point where it seems to me the only possible things that can stop either is each other (and even that seems sorta iffy). I thought it was a really good move to have them both depowered at the start of the season, but since then they're back more powerful than ever. I don't judge that this is going to yield any kind of compelling story for all of the REST of the characters -- what good is being able to talk to computers, or shoot lightning or mimic Jackie Chan if the guy in front of you has all of those powers, plus 9 more?

The other bad storytelling idea they added was cheap and easy resurrection. Yow, talk about sucking the air out of the room. This is a terrible terrible idea, and one they need to jettison first chance next season (if there is one) -- have the resurrectees gain something horrifically debilitating, as the "super blood" takes over their natural blood or something. Because otherwise, there aren't any cliffhangers any longer -- Nathan can be up and around in about 90 seconds, since Peter has BOTH the Claire- and Adam-strains of immortality now.

But above and beyond the "outside" elements which will render this world as something you can't care about, the biggest sin this season has laid out is False Jeopardy, both of the physical and emotional kind. "Such-and-such is dead!" followed 10 minutes later by "Ha! They're not!" sucks as storytelling. Spending so so much time on Claire's emotional traumas when they too are resolved away (through one of the death's), or appear to act contrary to the arc already established (ie Flying Boy's apparently complete reversal of his motivations -- "Robot or Alien?") is completely sloppy and lazy.

I mean, when a quarter of your penultimate episode is "oh no, I've lost my backpack!", followed up by a fake-death cliffhanger than a 4-year old could write their way out of (Duh, Jessica is back), you've gone seriously off the rails.

I also completely resent the plothammering going on here -- which works even less in a movie image than it does on a comics page. Like, for example, why in God's name is Peter completely ignoring Hiro when Hiro has proven himself to Peter already? Even if he feels like he HAS to, why is he trying to use TK to rip open the safe wall, when he has BOTH DL's intangibility power (remember they established him using it to break Adam out of "jail" in the first place) and Hiro's teleporting power? Other than the fact that the writers needed to get Adam into the room too?

Or, why would shooting Nathan change a thing when both Peter and Parkman have the SAME information? In fact, wouldn't the live-on-TV shooting give even MORE weight to there being a Shadowy Conspiracy? It isn't like Peter can't prove pretty definitively he has flashy powers (Parkman's are "less visible", fair enough) -- in fact, wouldn't his first action to be to scoop his brother up and FLY to the nearest hospital? I can't possibly see how the shooting could solve a single solitary thing for The Company.

Or Sylar in the alley. While they get "cute points" for the Popeye callout, if the first 30 seconds of the next episode isn't him soaring back to Mohinder's office and slaughtering the cripple, the little girl, the chick that everyone hates, and Dr. Emo, I'm going to be screaming in frustration.

But I have to say that the dumbest bit of plothammering of all probably had to be Hiro's "revenge" on Adam. Oh sure, clever little image, except for the fact that he's DESECRATING HIS OWN FATHER'S GRAVE DOING SO. If it was some trailer park American trash, then maybe I could let that slide, but with the importance they established, and the Japanese cultural imperatives, that makes NO sense, none, zero, zilch. 'sides Hiro, of all people, should know that you have to actually kill the badguy for it to work -- clearly Adam will eventually get out of there, even if it takes 100 years. He's apparently got nothing but time. If Uma Thurman can dig herself out of her own grave (and you KNOW Hiro was at KILL BILL on opening day...), then surely Vandal Savage can do so as well...

This has been an AWFUL season, with a completely CRAP final episode. To the point where I very much doubt if I'd bother to watch a third season at this particular moment in time.

And I'm the goddamn Target Audience!

What did YOU think?

-B