One Month Later: Graeme Reviews Final Crisis #2

So, I had a dream the other night where I met Brian Michael Bendis. It was one of those traditional disorientating dreams you know something is wrong, but can't quite put your finger on it... In this case, I was at some sub-San Diego con thing, and someone had introduced me to Bendis, and I was trying to think of something nice to say to him. The best my dream-self could come up with was "Secret Invasion doesn't suck so much if you read all three issues at the same time..."

Yeah, I know; smooth. I don't think he noticed, though, because he seemed happy enough as he showed me how to operate his new home theater set-up with his supercharged remote control.

But that's enough about me. FINAL CRISIS #2, anyone?

Here's the thing: The second issue of DC's Big Summer Event book is Very Good, taken on its own terms. If you ignore Countdown to Final Crisis and all of the lead-ins and other books (except maybe Grant's own Seven Soldiers: Mister Miracle series) and forget that it's supposed to be this big "event" book, it works really well - It's definitely still in "slow build" mode, but it works nonetheless; seeing Dan Turpin slowly realize that something is wrong with him (and getting odd hints that what's wrong is that he's slowly turning into Darkseid, oddly enough - but then, we know from the first issue that bodies wear out quickly for the New Gods), watching the DC Universe get more corrupted... It feels creepier and more effective because it is happening relatively slowly, as opposed to the big "And then the Skrulls invaded New York! So much for that 'secret' invasion!" take of Marvel's summer smash. Not that nothing's happening here, of course; if anything, Morrison's guilty of too much happening, too much taking place between the pages or without proper explanation just yet (I would've liked to have seen more of what happened to John Stewart, for example - Why wasn't he killed? Surely leaving him alive means that his attacker will be identified?).

That compression, the choppy style of storytelling that needs the reader to both be patient and also to pay attention, also feels like the downfall of the book, in a strange way. Like I said, taken as a book in and of itself, it's great. But as "The Summer Event" for DC Comics, it doesn't deliver, yet; it's too slow, too fragmented, maybe too smart to do what we've come to expect from these big summer flagpole series. It's not just that it doesn't do explosions, like I said when talking about #1, it doesn't really do anything that we think a book like this should do. Even the by-now-traditional death of a superhero is treated in a more quiet, subdued and serious way than usual - No tearful declarations of revenge or a stranger picking up the mantle here, just three panels of a funeral and then a sober investigation. Don't get me wrong; it's a better read because of that, I think... It's just that it's something that feels more like something that a smaller audience would appreciate, rather than the simplicity and lowest-common-denominator appeal of a Secret Invasion or Crisis On Infinite Earths. In a way, it's brave of DC to have give such promotion and status to what is, essentially, Grant Morrison's sequel to Seven Soldiers (which the opening of this issue, with the introduction of a whole new subculture of superheroes, really felt like), but in another way, it's almost setting themselves up for disappointment.

Rory Root's Memorial

I haven't seen anyone else write about it (or, at least Tom 'n' Ace 'n' Dirk ain't linked to anything yet), so let me take a stab at saying something about the memorial for Rory Root at Comic Relief this past Saturday night.

I traveled to the Memorial with Jeff and Graeme, as well as Anina Bennett and Paul Guinan. We arrived right around 7 PM, while the event itself was scheduled to start at 5. I was told that the actual Stand-Up-And-Say-Something portion of it started about 6 (and it lasted until 10:30 or 11 or so, wow!)

When we showed up, the street in front of CR was packed, with probably 40-50 people milling about talking, reminiscing on the sidewalk. Immediately I recognized tons of people who came in from out of town -- oh, there's Diana Schutz, there's Larry Marder, there's Bob Wayne, it went on like that pretty much all night, every time I turned I saw someone in comics who'd flown in from out of town for this. To a certain extent, it might have been almost good that it happened the same weekend as Heroes Con, because otherwise maybe it would have shut down traffic, y'know?

Then there were all of the retailers. Wow, there were a lot of folks flying out-of-state for this -- Jim Hanley and Steve Gursky, Matt Lehman, Brad Bankston, Mike Malve, Hell Kelly Down came down all the way from Alberta - and I'm missing a couple of people there. Then there were at least 25, maybe 30 retailers from inside California. Honestly if you wanted to pull a string of comic book store heists up and down the left coast, last Saturday would have been the day to do it -- all of the owners were out of town!

I'm awful at eyeballing numbers in a crowd, and it's even harder in CR because the store is so ginormous it throws off my sense of scale, but I'm guessing that at certain points there were likely upwards of 125 people inside the store at one time. It was packed.

It was also kind of like walking into an oven. Thursday and Friday had been EVIL hot days in the Bay Area (at least by Bay Area standards), but Saturday had started to cool off. So, OUTside the store it was a wonderfully pleasant summer evening, with a nice breeze and all, but, wham 20 degrees hotter once you get two steps in, from the heat of the crowd, and lack of any real ventilation.

I heard a lot of great Rory stories, both delivered to the crowd, as well as shared in small groups, and we talked a lot about comics more generally, and saw people we might not have seen in a long time, and had lots of food and beer and just generally a good ass time. Which is pretty much what Rory would have loved.

I'm young enough that this kind of thing is really rare for me (and thank god for that), and I never really know what the etiquette of things should be. Everyone asks "how are you doing?" and I am sorta not sure if that's in the "What's up?" sense or the "How hard is the loss hitting you?" It is maybe even weirder now, because "enough" time has passed that most of his friends are just now starting to "get over it". I open with "my condolences" to a handful of people -- Rory's family, Todd, ex-Partner Mike, because I feel like they really deserve more than the "how are you doing?" but I still feel kind of awkward and strange with what to say and how to say it. Or how to respond, sometimes. Death is weird.

Heh, so I'm standing outside (AND NOT SMOKING A CIGARETTE, mind, so that's good)(though I got offered many from people who know me as a smoker, which is also nice, if no longer practical), and some girl walks by and asks "Wow, what's going on here?" and I tell her that it's a memorial for the owner of the store, and that he was a great man, and that there are people from all over the country here to pay their respects, and she smiles, and says quite innocently, "Wow! Sounds cool!" She didn't MEAN any harm, nor did I take any, but isn't that like exactly the wrong thing to say?

Berkeley, y'know?

I ended up leaving just before midnight (If I don't get on BART by then, I turn into a pumpkin... though I really timed my train right, I waited for less than 5 minutes, so was back in The City waiting for my Muni bus in under a half-hour... and that's WITH the transfer at McArthur), and I think I was among the last people who wasn't a CR employee, or past CR employee.

I left it to them, as it should be. (though I sorta pity whoever opened Sunday, heh)

I'll miss the big guy, and I didn't want to say goodbye, but this was an alright way to do so, if we have to.

Rory would have adored the party and all of the people and that they were all happy; but he would have been embarrassed as heck that they were actually SAYING all of the wonderful things they did.

-B

Arriving 6/25/2008

Big week!

76 #4 (OF 8)
A G SUPER EROTIC ANTHOLOGY #83 (A)
ANGEL REVELATIONS #2 (OF 5)
ARCHIE #586
ARCHIE DIGEST #245
AVENGERS FAIRY TALES #3 (OF 4)
AVENGERS INITIATIVE #14 SI
BART SIMPSON COMICS #42
BATMAN GOTHAM AFTER MIDNITE #2 (OF 12)
BEYOND WONDERLAND #0 (OF 6)
BLACK PANTHER #37
BPRD ECTOPLASMIC MAN ONE SHOT
CALIBER #3 (OF 5)
CAPTAIN AMERICA #39
CARTOON NETWORK BLOCK PARTY #46
CONAN THE CIMMERIAN #0
CROSSING MIDNIGHT #19
DAREDEVIL #108
DARKNESS #4 KEOWN CVR A
DC UNIVERSE SPECIAL REIGN IN HELL 80 PAGE GIANT
FANTASTIC FOUR #558
FEAR AGENT #22 1 AGAINST 1 (PT 1 OF 6)
FINAL CRISIS #2 (OF 7)
FIRE & BRIMSTONE #1 (OF 3)
GREEN LANTERN #32
HERCULES #3 (OF 5)
HULK #4
HUNTRESS YEAR ONE #4 (OF 6)
IMMORTAL IRON FIST #16
JACK OF FABLES #23
JIM BUTCHERS DRESDEN FILES #3 (OF 4) WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE
JSA CLASSIFIED #39
KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE #140
MADAME XANADU #1
MADAME XANADU #1 VAR ED
MAN WITH NO NAME #2
MARVEL 1985 #2 (OF 6)
MARVEL ADVENTURES FANTASTIC FOUR #37
MARVEL COMICS PRESENTS #10
MARVEL ILLUSTRATED MOBY DICK #5 (OF 6)
MIGHTY AVENGERS #15 SI
MS MARVEL #28 SI
MYTHOS CAPTAIN AMERICA (RES)
NEOZOIC #5
NEW AVENGERS #42 SI
NEW WARRIORS #13
NO HERO #0 (OF 7)
NUMBER OF THE BEAST #6 (OF 8)
OZ WONDERLAND CHRONICLES ORBIK CVR B #3 (OF 4)
PHANTOM #24 CHECKMATE PART 4 (OF 5)
PIGEONS FROM HELL #3 (OF 4)
POWER PACK DAY ONE #4 (OF 4)
PROGRAMME #12 (OF 12)
PROJECT SUPERPOWERS #4 (OF 7)
PROOF #9
RUNAWAYS #30
SECRET HISTORY THE AUTHORITY HAWKSMOOR #4 (OF 6)
SECRET INVASION RUNAWAYS YOUNG AVENGERS #1 (OF 3) SI
SHE-HULK 2 #30
SONIC X #34
STAR WARS DARK TIMES #12 VECTOR PART 6
STEPHEN COLBERTS TEK JANSEN #1 (OF 5) NEW PTG
STRANDED #5
SUPERMAN #677
SUPERMAN #677 VAR ED
SUPERNATURAL RISING SON #3 (OF 6)
TEEN TITANS #60
THOR AGES OF THUNDER REIGN OF BLOOD
THUNDERBOLTS #121
TRINITY #4
ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN #123
ULTIMATES 3 #4 (OF 5)
UNCANNY X-MEN #499 DWS
WASTELAND #18
WHAT IF FANTASTIC FOUR TRIBUTE TO MIKE WIERINGO
WOLVERINE FIRST CLASS #4
WOLVERINE ORIGINS #26
WORLDS OF DUNGEONS & DRAGONS #2 WALPOLE CVR B
X-MEN FIRST CLASS VOL 2 #13
X-MEN LEGACY #213 DWS
YOUNG AVENGERS PRESENTS #6 (OF 6)

Books / Mags / Stuff
ALL STAR BATMAN AND ROBIN THE BOY WONDER HC VOL 01
ANDRU AND ESPOSITOS GET LOST TP (RES)
ARCHIE AMERICANA SER TP VOL 08 BEST OF 60S BOOK 2
BARBARIAN CHICKS & DEMONS TP VOL 01 (A)
BATMAN JEKYLL AND HYDE TP
BLUESMAN HC
CHRONICLES OF CONAN TP VOL 15 CORRIDOR OF MULLAH KAJAR
DEMO TP
DEVI TP VOL 04
DISCWORLD GN VOL 01 COLOUR OF MAGIC & LIGHT FANTASTIC
EX MACHINA DELUXE EDITION HC VOL 01
FORGOTTEN HC (RES)
GANTZ TP VOL 01
GREEN LANTERN TALES OF THE SINESTRO CORPS HC
HEAVY METAL SUMMER 2008
HOUSE OF M TP AVENGERS
INDIANA JONES ADVENTURES TP VOL 01
JACK OF FABLES TP VOL 03 THE BAD PRINCE
JUXTAPOZ VOL 15 #7 JUL 2008
LOADED BIBLE TP VOL 01
ORDINARY VICTORIES WHAT IS PRECIOUS GN
PREVIEWS VOL XVIII #7 (NET)
SILENT LEAVES THE LAST BONDSMAN GN VOL 01
SUPERMAN CAMELOT FALLS TP VOL 01
TANGENT COMICS TP VOL 03
TAROT WITCH OF THE BLACK ROSE TP VOL 06
TOMARTS ACTION FIGURE DIGEST #166
WALKING DEAD TP VOL 08 MADE TO SUFFER
WIZARD MAGAZINE #202 MCNIVEN WOLVERINE CVR
WRITE NOW #18

What looks good to you?

-B

My Life is Choked with Comics #17 - The Horrorist

"I'll tell you the ultimate secret of magic. Any cunt could do it."

So said John Constantine to Alan Moore on one particular occasion. Sure, Constantine was (and remains) a fictional character, and Moore was (and, desire of attribution aside, remains) his mortal co-creator, but, you know, Glycon the snake puppet wasn't a real god either, and Moore's worship continues unabated. I suppose when all ideas are real, to some extent, it takes only a cloud of smoke duly puffed across the porch of corporeality for the idea of a working-class magician to personally impart his authentic proletarian message.

But I'm here to go on about stories, imaginary things all - and don't sweat it DC, we didn't need to be told as much in every edition anyway. My favorite John Constantine story -- of the less than one quarter I've read, mind you -- is currently collected in the trade paperback pictured above, the latecoming second volume of the (presumably) complete Hellblazer works of Jamie Delano, the title's first writer. The latecoming third volume, Hellblazer: The Fear Machine, is due next month.

Yeah, Hellblazer Annual #1, from 1989; tops in my book. Really fine Bryan Talbot art (ha, I just repeated myself), and actually rather bold in structure. The 'main' story is divided into two parts, the first set in 1982, and the second many hundreds of years prior (with a coda set again in '82, I suppose not long enough to get its own official part).

The two segments are really only connected by theme, with the '80s stuff seeing Constantine, fresh out of a mental hospital, wandering around London at the start of the Falklands War while pondering the nature of magic, which is a bit like his old puck rock career, all of it standing for his now-cooling idealism in the face of a demonic world. He then shacks up with a possibly-imaginary woman who tells him of the stealthy magics squirreled away in the architecture and heart of the city, wriggling "a silver snake of thin resolve" into him - my hallucinatory girlfriends have similar phallic properties, so you can tell why this tale's my favorite.

Part two follows the adventures of John's ancestor Kon-sten-tyn, an amusing mix of (not already unrelated) aspects of St. Constantine of Cornwall, St. Gildas' loathed trickster monarch Constantine of Dumnonia and the folkloric Constantine III of Arthurian succession. He's a rotten old bastard who keeps the head of Merlin around to recite epic poems about him, but he's devoted to keeping certain Old Ways alive. It's a great opportunity for Delano to riff on the Christian incursion into the magical basis of so much folklore, with his acrid hero gradually setting aside the bloody ways of epic heroism in favor of beautiful stealth, becoming like the enemy to subvert its foundation.

The origin of the rogue! No wonder our Constantine rises in the morning, at the end of that second part, ready to slink behind the popular culture and shout at the back of its head, his art and his magic one and the same. Same as a comic book, slightly obscured behind Hawk & Dove on the racks but shouting out against its none-to-veiled foes, a diabolical signature within the church of continuity, a fancy-pants sigil for which a title might need be devised.

All Hellblazer writers leave their mark on John Constantine, that mage and rake, that "insouciant, somewhat amoral occult dabbler and 'psychic detective' with a British working-class background," in Delano's own words; as Tom Spurgeon once remarked to founding series editor Karen Berger, the character is a bit like Dr. Who in that some of his appeal comes from watching him 'played' by different writers. But he also remains the same - Delano's take on the character certainly drew from Moore's (from his famed tenure on The Saga of the Swamp Thing), just as his caption-heavy writing style challenged the verbosity of the Magus at his purplest:

"Synapses flash and pop, like flashbulb supernovae as the particular passion of my being is caught up in a sub-atomic slam-dance."

"Consciousness is snatched by electron rip-tides and thinly spread through infinite spatial black, leaving thoughts -- rare sleeping islands -- separated by oceanic eternities."

"I'm stretched, elastic life wound in a double helix round the universal pole --"

"-- a string of neurons in the cosmic brain --"

"-- resonant, my being tuned to everything."

"Now, contraction catapults my soul into a new, triumphant birth. Rhapsodic, bathed in perfect grace, I sail for eons --"

"-- blessed in beatific tranquility, alive in a universe of glory --"

"-- at play with angels above the fierce and holy sun."

"But, transient as elemental thought, my voyage lasts but brief mellennia."

"Sweeping on a high, wide spiral turn, my ship of rapture founders, grounded on mortality's reef."

"Particles reassemble and memories coalesce around my swelling sense of self."

"I must start the long return to dull corporeality and reclaim my body's tawdry clay."

Those are the captions from a single two-page image in issue #7, documenting a man's trip through exotic Cyberspace, circa 1988; I left out the dialogue, but there's some of that too.

Moore would later claim that it seemed the tone of a lot of comics that drew from his influence was built from a bad mood he happened to be in at the time, but I think a more immediate effect was a replication of his 'novelistic' on-page writing, attempting to drag comics closer to 'real' books by dumping a lot more words into them. Moore, of course, would also display a grasp of structure so as to augment his vocabulary, something many later writers, the Delano of Hellblazer included, did not exhibit.

Yet, Delano's performance did have a defining pinch, and it wasn't just prickly thickets of words that did it - his work on the series married a distinctly angry blend of socio-political satire with a sometimes uneasy juggle of fantastic, even superheroic elements. There wasn't any Vertigo back then to systemically insulate the Suggested for Mature Readers contingent from the rest of the bunch, after all - when Delano had the young Constantine belt out a punk rock number in the aforementioned Annual, there was a reference to Superman contained therein, and it's impossible for the reader to forget that John isn't necessarily shouting in metaphor. Superman is real to John Constantine, and he's done absolutely fucking nothing to accomplish lasting change in Constantine's environment.

That perhaps made it all more effectively bitter -- and it rather matched the tenor of various actual DC superhero projects of the day, Alan Moore's bad mood and all -- but it also assured that Delano would be working loud, with typical adventure comic elements sometimes clanking around as the series found its footing. Early on, Constantine was more of a debonair globetrotter, jetting away to Africa and the US in his good blue suit to barge into decadent casinos, strike up an uneasy alliance with a near-supervillian in the heart of his lair and face off with a monster threat on a skyscraper rooftop. He was an antihero from the start, but he wore some cool fucking sunglasses while doing it - at least until Delano knocked them off, to force him to see the implications of his deeds.

The 'commentary' aspect was present from the start, and often shrill - issue #3 had establishing scenes in Hell (just like a Jack T. Chick comic), where demons are seen to behave like (gah!) yuppies and thrill over Tory election victories. Even as a few issues passed, and Delano began to hammer out a firmer vision of the character -- more haunted, more rumpled, more street-level, iller-fated and ruinous yet charismatic at heart -- his yen for booming consideration of local and global problems remained, sometimes to the exclusion of the comic's main character.

Issue #5 is maybe the first example of Constantine fading into the background, while Delano details world horror unfolding. The mischief of (awk!) televangelist magic causes a small, patriotic American town's departed sons -- they mostly died in Vietnam, but it's still the sort of place where old ladies are ready with a slap and lines like "Shut your lying face, traitor slut!" -- to return again, except they also take many horrid wartime acts home with them, believing the conflict to yet continue. So, good citizens are held at gunpoint, a kind woman is raped and an air strike is 'called in' via a helpful gasoline tanker exploding in everyone's face, save for John Constantine's, as he is too busy standing agog, ready to vow that he has learned something important from the whole awful experience, just like Buster Brown at the end of every Sunday.

It would be a motif of Delano's run: wicked magic as a manifestation of some world ill, and John Constantine as a sort of well-read everyman, ready and capable of affecting real change, but sometimes forced to merely treat the symptoms, or left to bear witness to the horror. And if any cunt can do magic, as one practitioner said to the other, then any dumb fuck can educate his or herself about the state of the world, right?

Hence, finally, the story in the title of the post, which is also collected in the book pictures way up top.

The Horrorist was a two-issue, Prestige Format miniseries released in the last month of 1995 and the first month of 1996. It came well after the end of Delano's proper run on the title (issue #40, 1991), and even his one-off return (issue #84, 1994), although Delano would still have more to do - his future-set Hellblazer Special: Bad Blood miniseries hit in 2000, and he's got an original graphic novel, Hellblazer: Pandemonium (with art by Jock), in the pipeline for later this year. The Horrorist didn't even bear the Hellblazer title. Hell, it was released under some 'creator participation' deal with Delano & artist David Lloyd retaining the copyright and DC keeping the trademarks.

Regardless, it is a culmination. It is, to my mind, as of right now, the ultimate Jamie Delano Hellblazer comic, the very conclusion of those themes and motifs delineated above. It has the best, most awful John Constantine, and the loudest, most screaming terror over the state of the world. Is it blunt? Over the top? Yes. But it goes so far, in so short a space, it leaves reality itself frayed to a disturbing degree, and thereby accomplishes something Delano's Hellblazer, as much affection as I have for it, never quite did - it's actually kinda scary. Or at least disquieting, on a base, primal level.

The tale begins with a strange woman appearing in a snow-covered park in Illinois. She sits impassively as children romp and play, their football in one panel covered with marks resembling the continents of the globe, in case you couldn't already guess in which direction the commentary was headed. The young Americans throw the world around with gross abandon, while a happy local fellow tries to strike up a conversation with the eerie woman. But she only stares at the kids' rough play, grasping her head as two of them make a dive straight into a famous banned-in-the-US commercial, Lloyd rendering the carnage as leaping Mattotti plumes of flame. The happy fellow then flashes back to 'Nam and sputters:

"Not now... not in the U.S.A."

The uncanny woman assures him that he's now fully incorrect:

"It happens everywhere."

Hey, I doubt John Constantine's punk anthems were terribly subtle either.

Speaking of which, the scene then shifts to Our Man, drinking and observing a pool game between local roughs. He orders a gin and tonic.

"Thass a queer's drink, innit?" queries a local man.

"Twenty-five quid if you suck my dick," replies Constantine.

"I'll do it for fifteen," declares a beautiful woman who appears out of nowhere.

It's the start of a great romance, one to make Kazuo Koike proud, although Constantine insists that he's ice cold, a characteristic Delano then proves by having a man's throat cut open and blood spilling in John Constantine's drink and he just doesn't care, he and the woman leaving bloody footprints (of apathy!) in the snow as they leave. Then the woman sets John up for some sexy whipping, but even her worst cannot flay Constantine's leathery skin of uncaring, hard-living isolation.

"Harder, you pathetic stiletto bitch! I still can't fuckin' feel it!"

The woman then weeps and begs Constantine to stay with her, to which he calls her bloody stupid and storms off into the cold. Ah, but fate has tricks in store for our chilly John Constantine! He has a vision of the spooky woman from the top of the story, at which point a trash can bomb explodes nearby (but a taste of what the rest of world feels so often, John Constantine!!), and he realizes that there's something out there that can make him feel. A quick trip to a photographer confirms the story of an African child adopted and brought to the US, her image stripped of context and used to sell shit, her gaze haunting - and Constantine is off once more to the US.

As you may have picked up by now, a lot of this work is about the US. It was the same for some of Delano's run on the proper Hellblazer book - I'm sure everyone knew where most of the audience was situated, and thus where a good portion of the critique ought to go. And some of The Horrorist is no more carefully-put than that that Vietnam story I mentioned above (again: "Shut your lying face, traitor slut!"), with several boorish American mega-fatties meeting with an awful fate. But there's an odd dichotomy at work in Delano's presentation: the Americans we see are often silly and ignorant when faced with the strange woman, but rather sympathetic when meeting with John Constantine, as if Delano is chiding himself, in-story, for his own narrative cruelties.

Thus, as the strange woman meets up with a grinning truck driver, well, we're told (via caption) that he doesn't give a shit about politics and pays no attention to the rest of the world! Soon he's staring at boxcars full of grasping hands as a train passes by. He insists to the women that they must be "deportees, or death-row cons. Murders, rapists, gangbangers... terrorists." But then he telephones his wife and finds out that his own children were just taken away for reeducation! Then his truck crashes and he dies. Wait, we don't find that out until the next issue.

In contrast, as Constantine confronts the former adoptive family of the curious woman, he acts with general callousness at their expected tale of death and woe, leaving without offering any comfort, then finding the happy fellow from the start of the book setting himself on fire as the first issue ends. John appreciates the woman's sense of irony, at least.

Now, I know what you're saying (because I installed microphones in your home): 'Jog, this comic gives me the impression of Jamie Delano impressing my head with a hammer, like what happened off-panel at the end of The Crow, only allegorically this time.' I would agree; that's a fair estimate. However: it is comprehensively impressive -- and very beautifully drawn, mind you -- damned intent on stretching Delano's concept of magic-as-global-awareness as far as it can possibly go, so far as to wind up in a funny, terrible place, the logical finale of Delano's Hellblazer.

Much of the first half of issue #2 is spent on the woman wreaking havoc on hapless Americans - as you can tell by now, her uncanny power is to bring atrocious problems often pegged as exclusive to 'less developed' nations into the US. Literally. As in, the happy local guy from the beginning didn't just see kids get blown up by landmines so as to goad him to suicide, they actually did get blown up, which means that those landmines 'always' existed in the park - the story is quite clear on this point. It follows that the grinning truck driver actually did see real boxcars full of people get carted around, and his kids did get sent to... a reeducation camp?

Being an admirer of the Austrian School of Comics Criticism, I shall dub this phenomenon 'fiat magic.' As in, the effect of the odd woman's 'spells' institutes wholesale shifts in the recent history of her immediate region so as to create the desired result. For example, a nervous driver nearly runs the woman over. He informs her that he has children waiting at home (uh oh!). Sure enough, he arrives back at the house to his beloved daughter and stocky son (who is grinning and watching violent American televised entertainment), only to discover that all their food is gone! And they've always been poor and are suddenly starving! Desperate, the man drags his beloved daughter into the car and pimps her right out to a nearby live sex show, which apparently has always existed to keep women in literal sex slavery.

You see? Fiat magic.

And Delano pushes it so hard -- and Lloyd's dreamlike images flow so steadily over the stones of realism -- that it does affect me, in tearing at history and situation like it's nothing. Like the simplest incantation can not only affect your perception of reality, but erase anything you'd previously thought and substitute a whole new history for you to have lived, always a worse one. Damn better than devil conservatives fucking around in Hell. It's more like Delano's first-ever Constantine story, the blue suit sunglasses skyscraper one, which saw its monster threat as a living manifestation of third world hunger set loose on New York - but John is worse off here, with a more experienced writer playing him.

Eventually, as it had to happen, Constantine and the woman meet up. Their conversation is charged with some self-reference, Constantine mocking the very premise of the book he's in:

"I know what you are... you're a bleedin' horrorist -- a redistributor of suffering, perpetrating revolutionary outrage in the cozy heartlands of oppression and complacency!"

But he admits there's worse things she could be:

"You could be a cold, dead-veined, old hell-junkie like me -- a burned-out, tourist voyeur..."

"Yeah... make a good epitaph, wouldn't it? 'John Constantine. He came, he saw... he took some fuckin' pictures.'"

It's a revealing thing to say, for a character made to witness many allegories of strife and suffering; done mocking the premise of his current book, could he be expressing doubt over the impact of his earlier affairs? Wasted and spent from his adventures, his writer long-gone - this is why The Horrorist seems consummate to me. It's both an expansion and a reflection of what Delano has done before, a long look taken at finished work with some time taken away from the stuff.

Anyway, the story climaxes with John Constantine and the woman ripping off their skin to have dripping muscle sex (this was in the Keanu Reeves movie, right?), at which point both envision brutal acts done, great trials suffered, the whole of world suffering crashing down upon them - quintessential Hellblazer. Then John wakes up. It seems he has fucked the woman to death, and she seems at peace (hmm, rather men's adventure there, like at the start!). Outside the world is burning from fallen shells - it's probably just the block, but I like to imagine the whole of the United States of America has totally collapsed. To hell with Superman continuity! Everyone is sad and dying, but Constantine is happy and smoking, his sexual experience having relit his passion for change, just as his dalliance with the imaginary woman did in the Annual #1. Always a rake.

"Goddamnit, it's true... I care about these fuckin' imbeciles again. I even care about myself."

This line is delivered with gleaming blue eyes as a bent-over person cradles his/her face in burning agony in the background - it's tempting to say that all of this horror came down on stupid, shitty, fat Americans (boooooo) as a means of doing nothing more than reawakening the kindly heart of salt-of-the-earth working-class soul of liberal humanism corporate-owned property John Constantine, a goal greater than anything else, but... the comic kind of admits that fault in its po-faced finale, John Constantine dancing around the ruins of a town/nation. I mean, when the book runs off of suffering, you've gotta fess up to the fuel you're using, you know?

And then, while John bends over to help a large person look for their lost child, we see the strange woman has gotten up and left, her blood stains formed into the very subtle shape of all the continents of the world! Her bloody footprints trail out of the final panel, across the inside-back cover, and right out of the comic - into your world, reader! Unless you bought the trade version I mentioned above, which omits all of that stuff!

No matter. We need to be told this no more than we need to know that Superman comics are imaginary. We're not John Constantine - we don't need to sing about him flying around.

But we can perform his magic. Like he told Alan Moore. Like he told us when Jamie Delano played him.

No fiat magic either. Soft as it could be, we've had a gold standard set.

Abhay's Third Post About Blue Beetle; Only Ninety-Three More To Go

The first act of BLUE BEETLE winds to an end between issues #7 and #12. I: CREATIVE CHANGES

BLUE BEETLE loses co-writer Keith Giffen after issue #10, leaving screenwriter John Rogers as the book’s sole “pilot”. Artist Cully Hamner leaves the book the same month, ably replaced by Raphael Albuquerque.

Perhaps the most confusing thing about this comic is the fact DC leaves Albuquerque on BLUE BEETLE, rather than promote him to a “higher profile” assignment. Does Marvel transition their stronger artists significantly more often? It seems that way to me but maybe that’s because I pay more attention to Marvel. Anyways, maybe he stays on BLUE BEETLE by choice. I have no idea.

II: THE WORLD TOUR

Two or three boring and inconsequential “adventures” go by, not worth summarizing. A variety of flashbacks answer various minor questions, like “Why does the Peacemaker know Blue Beetle’s scarab came from outer space aliens?” and “What happened to Blue Beetle during the INFINITE CRISIS, eight months earlier?” and “Who would be the wife if Blue Beetle married Captain Atom?”

There are pleasant moments. If you enjoy the wisecracking, you might enjoy a brief appearance by Green Arrow & Whatshername: Two issues involve a completely pointless team-up between Blue Beetle and NEW GODS characters. DC’s grandest, most epic, most… well, most KIRBY characters once again reduced to rote, supporting cameos in a C-List character’s book. If you like the NEW GODS, it's annoying seeing those characters treated in such a slapdash way; if you don't, then it's probably annoying to see them at all. So: ellipsis followed by a question mark, yes ...? Then again, Luke Cage once fought Doctor Doom over a couple hundred bucks, and that's a fact everybody (myself included) is pretty happy with so perhaps I'm overreacting.

That’s all part of the World Tour for BLUE BEETLE.

The World Tour’s my pet name for a set of issues that are mostly an excuse to introduce a new hero to some aspect of the DC Universe, rather than tell a story necessitated by the premise or the characters. For BLUE BEETLE, the World Tour includes (i) the time Blue Beetle meets the New Gods, (ii) the time Blue Beetle hangs out with Green Lantern, (iii) the time Blue Beetle meets the Batman, (iv) the time Blue Beetle meets Superman, (v) the time Blue Beetle meets the Teen Titans, (vi) the time Blue Beetle met the Spectre, and (vii) the time Woody Harrelson taught Blue Beetle to retain his ching.

Outcomes vary: for example, the Green Lantern issue felt reasonably necessary to the story. But I personally dislike World Tour issues. It’s time spent away from the supporting cast or from creating a unique point of view for the book itself. And worse, it encourages short-hand characterization of “I’m not like Superman because I ______” or “That may work for you, Green Lantern, but I prefer to ______” or “I can feel you in my _____, Batman; your _____ feels like its tearing me apart; please don’t ______ in my ______ or I’ll become pregnant with your Bat-________.” (Oh, Hentai-Batman, you’re my favorite).

I have an impatience to me. I want to find out what happens next. And a World Tour issue only very rarely says what happens next; it’s typically a distraction away from whatever mysteries or conflicts power a particular book. They're digressions; anecdotes. Look: I hate to brag, but one time, I saw the actor who played Carlton from the Fresh Prince, standing around at JFK Airport. That happened. That’s something that actually happened, for me. I can dine out on that for years to come. But when I write my memoir, (OH SHIT: I'M OLD; Random House: 2012), that’s not going to be a chapter in there. It’ll just be an endnote, somewhere in Chapter 2: “I’ve seen some awesome things; I don’t deserve this shit.” And then “ENDNOTE: One of the awesome things was that I once saw Carlton from the Fresh Prince near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.” Poetic license! New York Times bestsellers list ahoy!

There are good things that can be said about a World Tour, but for BLUE BEETLE, during the book’s second act, it ultimately becomes a near-fatal distraction to more pressing elements in the book.

III: AN OUT-OF-NOWHERE DIGRESSION ABOUT STARMAN I also find the World Tour interesting in how it signals creators oblivious—- if not hostile—- to posterity.

I re-read the DC comic book STARMAN the other day. It had been my absolute favorite comic for the first twelve issues. But by issue #36, I had quit the book, angry, just ... ANGRY, cursing its name.

I’d always wondered if I’d made a mistake, if I'd over-reacted, if I was being silly, so I went and read it beginning to end. Turns out? I got lucky. While the first 18 or so issues hold up beautifully, just beautifully, past that, the book goes into a horrifying nosedive. Story arcs drag on indefinitely; the book’s best feature—- its love of DC history—- becomes an anchor around its neck. The book ends and ends and ends—- it has more endings than some bullshit LORD OF THE RINGS film. Each resolution to one of the book’s mysteries is less satisfying than the next. And Tony Harris’s departure blows open a hole that never gets filled despite some admirable efforts by other artists.

The first 18 issues are such terrific work, though, so exactly and totally what I look for from a mainstream comic, that I’d happily recommend the recent STARMAN OMNIBUS. The main character is both universal and specific; the writer doesn’t pretend only superheroics matter, but is eager to share opinions about art and music, culture; the book is enriched by comics history; the setting, the supporting cast-— here is a world that feels lived in and alive; the DC Universe becomes a fictional world worth visiting.

Re-reading it, I realized I’d been unknowingly and unfairly comparing later books like BLUE BEETLE to that early run. Jack Knight had a personality; where’s Blue Beetle’s personality? Starman reflected its author’s passion for old movies; what passion does Blue Beetle reflect? Et cetera. How much can be done with a mainstream comic!

But… but: STARMAN was another book fond of the World Tour, to its detriment. The book’s unquestionable low point is a 5000 issue-long tour of the DCU’s outer space. And it’s another book oblivious to posterity. A significant chunk of the book relies upon Neron.

You know: Neron.

Neron was the lead villain in UNDERWORLD UNLEASHED, a freakishly awful DC crossover from the 90’s. He’s made minor appearances since but the minutae of the Underworld Unleashed crossover play a notable role in STARMAN. Much like BLUE BEETLE, STARMAN’s creators were eager to incorporate DCU storylines into its plot.

Which is fine: if you expect that no one will ever possibly want to read your comic book months or even years later. An excerpt from Starman #35 featuring that one super-lame Electric Blue Superman.

Is a disregard for posterity a bad thing? I’m honestly not sure. Orson Welles once said “It is just as vulgar to work for the sake of posterity as to work for the sake of money.” On the other hand, after saying that, he promptly ate a live cow, drank a tanker trunk of whiskey, tried to sell some green beans, and performed the voice of Unicron in TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE before vomiting all over one of Peter Bogdanovich’s trophy blondes. So, who knows? IV: PREJUDICES

Blue Beetle acquires a “mentor” figure in Peacemaker, a minor DC hero notable for fighting evil with a bucket on his head. They at least updated him. By taking off the bucket. Which was a good start. Bucket.

So: we have a screenwriter writing a story about a Mentor Figure tutoring the Chosen One on his Hero’s Journey.

Ugh.

Look, I’m prejudiced. With a few exceptions, when a comic book writer is a fancy-pants Hollywood screenwriter, I just go in prejudiced. Is it as bad a flare-up for my prejudices as, say, when a wannabe comic tries to look like bad manga? No, not even close—- but I have a good sized chip on my shoulder. I have this irrational thing of...

“You’re not worthy of serious attention. This would be a nice place if it weren’t for you tourists. Fucking tourists!”

How crazy is that?? How many screenwriters do I know that are huge comic fans? How are they “tourists?” It’s completely nuts.

Bucket.

There are these screenwriters who sold a movie version of their Oni comic in April 2008; the comic comes out in an unspecified date in 2009. And I read that story, and I know and remember the name of their comic so I can specifically not buy it when it comes out. I’m THAT prejudiced! Why? Maybe they’re good and decent people who love comics more than any of us.

Why am I the petty and angry guy on the Internet? Is it resentment? Is it pettiness? Maybe it's all those things. Maybe I'm a bad person. I don't know exactly what it is.

I think for some fans, Senor Fancypants makes their delusional fantasies that they’ll somehow magically wind up writing IRON MAN that much more improbable. But I honestly don’t think that’s what it is for me. I really, truly don’t.

Marvel editors have argued in the past, something like “These guys really know story structure more than someone who just read comics.” But that ignores every single successful mainstream creator in comics right now, the majority of whom came from independent comics, smaller venues, clawed their way up. People for whom comics weren’t Plan B.

But: does that matter? Well, no, in the abstract, logically speaking: no.

Or I guess I always have the suspicion of … like when you hear someone go “I’m going to come at science fiction fresh because I’m not a sci-fi nerd. So, my story’s going to be about a spaceship where the computer in charge of the spaceship—get this—it goes insane.” I trust a native to know what’s tiresome and know what’s surprising and entertaining. But: again, that’s based on the faulty assumption that these guys aren’t fans themselves, so...

So: how crazy does this all sound? Hello, crazy. I know this prejudice is crazy; if it weren’t crazy, I wouldn’t call it a “prejudice.” I just know I have it and I should be honest about it. I think it’s important to have some degree of self-knowledge. For example, I know, I am absolutely certain, about myself that if I were ever a puppeteer, if I ever worked with puppets, I’d build my puppet with a puppet penis, but then I’d put pants on my puppet, right? Like, human pants, that would always be on my puppet, so no one watching would guess that my puppet had a penis. That way, if they ever fired me, I’d be able to pull down my puppet’s pants and scream “Eat this, Jim Henson!” I know that about myself, and I think it’s important to have that self-knowledge.

Anyways, it’s not like BLUE BEETLE should be congratulated for its clichés either. Watching some screenwriter fill out a Syd Field crossword puzzle is the opposite of entertainment. 34 across: “hero finds companions” (That’d be issue #9). 14 down: “mentor figure/guide died / gets injured and can’t accompany hero on final mission” (There’s issue #20). 18 across: Thing that erupts from my butt, four letters. Nor is the fact that each of these events is handled in a completely perfunctory way-- that the companions (a hacker duo, ala Mr. Ram Ridley from the Mark Gruenwald CAPTAIN AMERICA run) end up being insignificant to the story; that the mentor is "taken off the board" in some dull crossover with the SINESTRO WAR-- to the book's credit, no.

Bucket.

 

Arriving 6/18/2008

Here's the list of stuff that Comix Experience is receiving from Diamond this week...

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #563
AMERICAN DREAM #4 (OF 5)
ANGEL AFTER THE FALL #9
ANITA BLAKE VH GUILTY PLEASURES #12 (OF 12)
ANNA MERCURY #2 (OF 5) PAINTED CVR
BATMAN AND THE OUTSIDERS #8
BETTY & VERONICA #236
BETTY & VERONICA DIGEST #185
BIRDS OF PREY #119
BLOOD BOWL #1 (OF 5) KILLER CONTRACT CVR A
BOMB QUEEN V #2 (OF 6)
BRAVE AND THE BOLD #14
CASEY BLUE BEYOND TOMORROW #2 (OF 6)
CATWOMAN #80
CHECKMATE #27
CTHULHU TALES #3 CVR B
DARKNESS VS EVA #4 (OF 4)
DC SPECIAL CYBORG #2 (OF 5)
DC WILDSTORM DREAMWAR #3 (OF 6)
DEAD SPACE #4 (OF 6)
DEAN KOONTZS FRANKENSTEIN VOL 01 #2 (OF 5) PRODIGAL SON
DMZ #32
DOCK WALLOPER #5 (OF 5)
EVERYBODYS DEAD #4
EX MACHINA #37
FALLEN ANGEL IDW #27
FIRST BORN AFTERMATH (ONE SHOT)
FLASH #241
GEORGE R R MARTINS WILD CARDS #3 (OF 6) HARD CALL
GHOST RIDER #24
GRENDEL BEHOLD THE DEVIL #8 (OF 8)
GUARDIANS OF GALAXY #2
HELLBLAZER #245
INCREDIBLE HERCULES #118 SI
IRON MAN DIRECTOR OF SHIELD #30
JUGHEADS DOUBLE DIGEST #141
JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #22
KICK ASS #1 DIRECTORS CUT
KILL ALL PARENTS #1
LOVE AND CAPES #7
MARVEL ADVENTURES AVENGERS #25
MARVEL ILLUSTRATED ILIAD #7 (OF 8)
MEGAS #4 (OF 4)
MY INNER BIMBO #5 (OF 5)
PS238 #32
PUNISHER #58
RAMAYAN 3392 AD RELOADED #6 (OF 7) (RES)
RASL #2
REX MUNDI DH ED #12
SCALPED #18
SCOOBY DOO #133
SECRET INVASION FANTASTIC FOUR #2 (OF 3) SI
SIMPSONS COMICS #143
SPIRIT #18
STAR WARS KNIGHTS OF OLD REPUBLIC #30 EXALTED PART 2 (OF 2)
STAR WARS LEGACY #25
STREETS OF GLORY #5 (OF 6)
SUPER FRIENDS #4
SUPERMAN BATMAN #49
TANGENT SUPERMANS REIGN #4 (OF 12)
TEEN TITANS YEAR ONE #5 (OF 6)
TRINITY #3
UBU BUBU #2
ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR #55
ULTIMATE X-MEN #95
UN-MEN #11
WAR IS HELL FIRST FLIGHT PHANTOM EAGLE MAX #4 (OF 5)
WARHAMMER CONDEMNED BY FIRE #2 (OF 5) CVR A
WOLVERINE #66 DWS
WORLD OF WARCRAFT #8
X-FACTOR #32 DWS
ZORRO #4

Books / Mags / Stuff
AND THEN ONE DAY #6 (NOTE PRICE)
ASTONISHING X-MEN TP VOL 04 UNSTOPPABLE
ATOMIC ROBO TP VOL 01
CAT EYED BOY GN VOL 01
CINEFEX #114 JUL 2008
COMICS BUYERS GUIDE #1644 AUG 2008
CONAN BORN ON THE BATTLEFIELD SC
DAN DARE OVERSIZED UK HC VOL 01
DIARY OF MOLLY FREDRICKSON PEANUT BUTTER FULL COLOR GN VOL 01
DRAWING WORDS & WRITING PICTURES SC
ETERNALS BY NEIL GAIMAN TP
GREEN LANTERN HC VOL 02 THE SINESTRO CORPS WAR
HULK WWH TP DAMAGE CONTROL
IRON MAN TP HAUNTED
KILLING GIRL TP VOL 01 A SISTERS LOVE
LEES TOY REVIEW #188 JUN 2008
MARVEL ADVENTURES AVENGERS TP VOL 06 MIGHTY DIGEST
NAOKI URASAWAS MONSTER TP VOL 15
POCKET FULL OF RAIN SC
POSTAGE STAMP FUNNIES HC
PVP TP VOL 05 PVP TREKS ON
SAFEST PLACE GN
SHADOWPACT TP VOL 03 DARKNESS AND LIGHT
SHOWCASE PRESENTS SER 1 BALANCED INNER CASE ASST (NET)
SHOWCASE PRESENTS THE FLASH TP VOL 02
SKIN DEEP SC EROTIC ART OF BRUCE COLERO (A)
STAR WARS LEGACY TP VOL 03
TERROR INC TP
TITANS COMPANION SC VOL 02
UMBRELLA ACADEMY APOCALYPSE SUITE TP
VIDEO WATCHDOG #140
WORLDS FINEST DELUXE EDITION HC
Y THE LAST MAN TP VOL 10 WHYS AND WHEREFORES

What looks good to YOU?

-B

On the Shark (and over again)

At the conclusion of last season of BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, I had thought there was something wrong. I wasn't entirely sure what, precisely, the mistake was, but I felt there was one going on.

I've watched all of this season's BATTLESTAR, and I'm fairly certain I didn't really enjoy almost any episode. Moments from episodes, yes, some clever bits of plotting or little twist on characterization, or whatever -- but not a whole entire episode from start to finish.

As I was was taking my shower tonight (washing my birthday suit, as Tzipora put it, har), I think I figured out what it was.

[Clearly, there's going to be SPOILERS at some point after this, and, though I haven't yet typed it, I'm fairly certain I am going to COMPLETELY SPOIL the end of this season of BATTLESTAR. Please turn away now)

After 9/11, they declared irony dead. And, I think that a lot of people, even if they didn't actually agree with that, at least understood it. The wound was too fresh, too near.

But allegory never dies, and what was that first season or two of BATTLESTAR except allegory-a-go-go?

This is the beauty thing about Science Fiction -- it can help us sort out how we feel about Today's Burning Issues, with out actually directly confronting them. Heck, a lot of the time I'm not even fully certain that SF writers fully even understand themselves what they're talking about, y'know?

Much like STAR TREK before it (in most every incarnation... well, maybe not VOYAGER), BATTLESTAR has confronted a lot of our own feelings and concerns -- mostly about war, and the inhumanity it can engender -- and it usually succeeded the best at that when it did it at right angles. How to you feel about terrorism and suicide bombing when "you" are the repressed people, that kind of thing, right?

Its a show that made you think, and made you feel, and, once it was the best show on television.

But this entire season... well it (largely) stopped being about Allegory, and stopped being about Survival, really -- and started being about the Mythology of the show instead.

From the moment that the (nearly) Final Four were revealed that's pretty much became what the show was ABOUT -- what will they do? Will they help or hinder getting to Earth? What will the other Cylons do? and so on. We've had Civil War among the Cylons, but over things largely sub rosa to the audience -- I'm not at all sure why this group went this direction and that group went that way.

And maybe that's intended as Allegory, I don't know -- certainly Iraq has broken into Civil War -- but if so it doesn't work for Four Words that are in the opening title sequence each and every week: They. Have. A. Plan. "They" implies a certain amount of collective imperative amongst the Cylons, and certainly the various factions in Iraq don't seem to have the same thing.

I've been wondering about this "plan" for a real long time, because it hasn't seemed to be in play for a while. Sure they have 12 or 16 episodes (or whatever) left to try and massage it all together, and lord knows that LOST makes it look like plan-less seasons can be hand-waved away.

At the end of the day, I'm not at all sure if I care one way or another if they find Earth on BATTLESTAR -- or who is alive or in what configuration when they get there; what I was loving was the Allegory and the Mystery of "The Plan" (Much in the same way on LOST, I could really give fuck all about Jack and Sawyer and Kate, really -- what I'm watching for is a good reason for the Polar Bears and Smokey and all of that) -- so to have episode after episode after episode this season to be not about either the Allegory OR the Mystery, but instead to be about Mythology, its lost my interest almost entirely.

See, that's the thing about Science Fiction (whether it is fantastic like STAR TREK, or mundane like X-FILES), most of the time episodes that are "about the show" fail miserably, because that isn't what we watch for. Each show is a little different, of course, some are more about the Allegory as I noted, while others really are about the Characters (think X-FILES, or maybe TWIN PEAKS?); some are about the Situation, while others are about the Science Fiction itself (something I think NEXT GENERATION tended to excel at when it was on-game), but most of the time, really, it isn't the Universe Building that makes you watch. No, in fact, Universe Building should be seamless and background and you shouldn't even realize that's what you're seeing until much later.

I can immediately think of only one partial exception to that "rule", and that's the later sections of DS9, with the Dominion War, but I think that's because 1) the novelty of Universe Building in what had previously been a very Ad Hoc Universe for 20+ years was intriguing, and 2) There was more than one TREK show on at the time, so it didn't seem like that was ALL they were doing.

So that's why I think that BATTLESTAR has "jumped the shark" -- it stopped playing to the strengths that it had, and has become about the Show Itself. As soon as the Cylons were Significant and Important Characters, it gutted much of my interest -- what was intriguing about them is they were anonymous, that they were infinitely replaceable; what kept me watching week after week was the notion that the Cylons DID have a plan, and that all of those endless scenes of Six and Baltar actually were going to add up to something interesting and coherent.

I watched the final episode (for now), and was pretty appalled, because with the revelation that Earth is dead, and everyone Cylon and Human alike being blindsided by this strongly indicates there weren't no plan, or if there was, it was a really stupid plan.

And if that's the case, then why have I been watching all along?

Plus, ugh that last episode just had a badly structured ending. I can't be the only person who, amongst all of the cheering and sobbing with joy, and all of that, thought "Um, not going to send a Raptor down or something?" and I KNEW the place was a wasteland because it just went on and on and on. That last shot of virtually every character wandering around the wreckage looking stricken and stunned was really impressive to look at (made me think of Hitchcock's ROPE, sort of), but it also made me think of, dunno, a photo shoot for a fold out in ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY or something.

I want to love the show, but I think I don't really care anymore, and that makes me sad.

What do YOU think?

-B

Indiana Jones and the Really Awful Third Act

Nope, no comics review this week -- nothing really struck me at all this week at all, good or bad.

Instead I'm going to go back in time to a week or so ago when I saw INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL.

But let's start in the present day.

I had Ben this morning while Tzipora had a doctor's appointment, and I knew that they had a playdate planned for the afternoon, so I opted to not take him to the park, since then he'd be park-ed out at that point.

So, I thought, let's watch some movies. In fact, let's watch RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK -- he's been begging for Indy for weeks (which he was, for a lot of that, was calling "Hannah Jones", har!) I was a little tiny bit hesitant because of some of the violence (especially the face melting thing at the end), but he absolutely assured me that he wasn't going to be scared, so I thought, ah what the hell?

He LOVED it. Just freakin' adored it. So all good there.

Then he started begging for more.

"Well, only until your mom gets home, dude -- we WON'T be watching another FULL film"

I opt out of TEMPLE OF DOOM because, really, I think that heart-pulling scene is way too intense for him, so I go for LAST CRUSADE.

We get to the scene in the castle where they reveal the nazis are there, and Ben says to me, SECONDS before Indy's similar line, "Aw, man, Nazis! I HATE those guys!" ("Too true, Ben, too true..."

He was really digging what we watched of LAST CRUSADE (about 3/4s, I think), so I'm going to see if the library has the YOUNG INDY TV series (or whatever the thing was called), since I think he'll dig those too....

Anyway, like I said, he can wait a few years for TEMPLE, and I probably won't be taking him to see the CRYSTAL SKULL, mostly because I am not sure if I could sit through it again.

I saw it bout a week ago with Anina Bennett, at the Castro Theater. MAN is it nice to see a first run film in a gorgeous palace like the Castro -- which is almost ALWAYS a revival house. The place is lovely, and a real joy to see films in. Heck, Jeff Lester got married there, so you know it must be nice!

They've got a Wurlitzer theater organ, which is frickin' awesome-sauce, and the organist is playing his usual medly on 1930's biggest hits, and right before the show is to start, he kicks it over to the Indy theme. DOUBLE-awesome.

Anina tells me that one of the places INDY is showing in Portland is also at a revival theater. I wonder if this is a conscious plan by Lucasfilm (or whoever) to help Revival palaces? If so, give them props, that's a wonderful wonderful thing. There's nothing that beats seeing a period film in a period hall, really.

So, I was feeling the love going in, right? And the movie unfolds adequately -- Indy is feeling his age, but he's discernibly Indy. There are nods to previous continuity, and there are visual cues, and it's working just fine.

But it completely blows it in the third act.

After thinking about it for a while, I think the problem is the complete passivity of Indy in the third act, and, while he's meant to be older and wiser and all that, he uses LESS of his brains than he does in the earlier films.

In RAIDERS, Abner Ravenwood is the one studying the Ark, but it is INDY who puts together the clues to find the thing. In CRUSADE, it is Henry Jones who is the font of Grail Lore, but it is up to Indy to put it all together ("Penitent man, penitent man... IS ON HIS KNEES!") -- but in SKULL once they rescue Oxley, Oxley does all of the work, even showing Indy what to press and how and whatnot.

Further, WAY too many characters at the end, none of whom are really doing a thing (Triple-cross guy really only succeeds in making the commies look absolutely incompetent, rather than moving the plot along), and while the idea of a lost family could have possibly been interesting, Indy and Marion have very little chemistry in their 60s (or whatever), making that last scene feel tacked on and gaggy.

I didn't have a lot of problem with Old Indy, really; although he might have broken a hip in there, I was fine with transferring at least some of the action over to "Mutt" ("We called the dog Indy...") -- but there's no reason that Indy shouldn't have used his BRAIN and TRAINING a whole lot more in the third act. He didn't seem to have a thing to do in the end of his own movie!

At the end of the film, I walked out thinking EH. Here's hoping that maybe it's a reverse-STAR TREK film thing, where the odd # ones are the good ones...

What did YOU think?

-B

Jog's Frogger: 6/11

B.P.R.D.: War on Frogs #1:

This is the first of a planned four B.P.R.D. specials to spin out of a two-part story that ran in the MySpace version of Dark Horse Presents, although I wouldn't get too concerned about accessibility; right now they seem connected in concept only, all of them being set a few years back in the midst of the Bureau's war with the frog monsters. Also notable is the lack of a writing credit for creator Mike Mignola - I presume this series-within-the-series will be something of a showcase for frequent co-writer John Arcudi.

As such, it's a little disconcerting that this comic reminds me of nothing more than a typical Hellboy short, albeit with much of Mignola's flavor replaced by blander superheroish action stuff. Just as the stereotypical Hellboy tale often begins with someone (maybe Kate Corrigan) filling the title character in on whatever odd myth or fable will be at play, this issue sees someone (definitely Kate Corrigan) discussing a load of information with Abe Sapien. Except, here it's a blob of backstory as to prior Hellboy and B.P.R.D. plotlines, indelicately synopsizing Seed of Destruction and the Bureau's then-status quo through what amounts to a glorified, comics-format Previously... text box.

Were this a Hellboy short, Our Hero would then probably encounter some strange beings and get into a quippy fight with a monster, the action ending with some funny or poignant moment. Here the two-fisted protagonist is Roger the Homunculus, in the middle of his 'impressionable badass' phase, which I've always felt worked better at the time in contrast to where the character had been earlier in the main series, and, in retrospect, in anticipation of where he's be going.

Taken on its own, as the crux of a one-off issue, it transforms Roger into a rather plain sort of tortured ass-kicker (if always a bit undercut by the whole 'lack of pants' thing), one who'll have a 13-page fight with the monsters at issue -- the remaining transformed Cavendish brothers from that first Hellboy storyline -- and then sort of feel bad as he blasts them down to bones, since he's kind of a monster too yet responds to love and etc. etc.

It's something that's implicit to the Hellboy concept, in that Hellboy is a classic type of monster superhero, doing good while chafing against his nature - Mignola starts from there, and adds his particular fondness for ancient lore and tales, eventually bolstered by a sprawling cast of characters (and, obviously, his distinctive art). All this story does is state the obvious, with a blander lead character, and a trust in franchise background replacing folkloric fusion. It reads like a fill-in that's done some time in the drawer, since it's indistinct enough to plug in whenever.

Consequently, all this issue has going for it is the addition of longtime Marvel hand Herb Trimpe to the art team, with regular artist Guy Davis serving as inker. I can't even remember the last time Davis inked someone else's pencils, but here he seems pretty assertive; the monster designs in particular retain a lot of his style, although I suspect Trimpe may have been working toward a sort of visual continuity himself. The two mix fairly well, teasing out a little more of the EC horror influence that always kind of lurked around in Trimpe's Marvel work. I like those two panels above, with the inky dive in the first and the hanging bones in the second.

But Trimpe's Roger is more a muscular hero type, and his action pages are as chunky and straightforward as a slugfest can be - I suppose it could be that the entire issue is meant as a homage to a certain brand of old-school, no-fuss superheroic throwdown comic, heavy exposition and all. That wouldn't make it more entertaining for me, just a little more explicable - and there's already explanation enough in its merely being Hellboy, sans spice.

Still, that art's kind of endearing -- I had a pretty good laugh at one panel where Trimpe draws Roger's ass crack as a single vertical line, after which I started feeling like I was unconsciously stretching a bit much to derive entertainment from this thing -- so it's EH by the skin of its teeth.

WE'RE LIVING IN A CIVILIZATION!!!!

To quote George Constanza and all that.

It's really hot in San Francisco this week, kind of unseasonably so. Sure, I understand that it isn't as gross and hot as it is on the EAST coast, but still. Public transportation is even more grueling in High Heat.

With gas prices rising rapidly, more and more people are turning to (or at least considering) public transportation.

I, myself, have always been a bus guy. I don't know how to drive, and while our family has a car (preschooler, kinda have to), I still buy a monthly bus pass every month, and try to use the bus as much as humanly possible.

I don't know if it is just that no one ever taught people (I mean, when I was in elementary school in Brooklyn, they taught us things like "when you're in the library, and you don't know where to reshelve the book, just leave it on the table for the librarian to do -- that's MUCH better than mis-filing it!" Today, I think all they're really concerned about is making sure kids can pass standardized tests...), or if people are just stupid and rude, or what exactly the problem is, but here are some tips if you find yourself on public transportation:

(I apologize that this has nothing to do with comics)

1) If you HAVE to stand RIGHT IN the DOORWAY, at least be aware of your surroundings, and move out of the way as someone approaches the door to exit the vehicle. I really don't understand why people CHOOSE to stand in the door, but jesus, people, please let your fellow passengers use it for its intended purpose.

As a corollary to that, you CAN NOT get upset if you get elbowed, or smacked, or pushed, or yelled at because you're standing in the doorway and aren't letting people go past. The doorway is not an aisle!

2) If you wear a backpack REMOVE IT FROM YOUR BACK ON A CROWDED BUS. Wear it over one shoulder, or, even better, hold it by the loop in your hand. Your full backpack on your back takes up the space of a second person, nimrod, and every time you turn your body, you're smacking people all around you, even though you don't know it.

3) Let people in pain, or children, or the elderly have your seat. Don't be an ass.

4) Unless it is an EMERGENCY, please please please don't talk on the phone. NO ONE wants to hear your half of your conversation, and EVERY SINGLE OTHER person on the bus thinks you're an inconsiderate asshole.

5) If you don't have a bus pass or transfer or equivalent thing that allows you to just stroll onto the bus, it's really inconsiderate to shove other people out of the way to board, then hold up the entire line by fumbling with your fare at the fare box.

There's a lot more, but it all boils down to: don't be an ass; pay attention to your fellow people; be considerate and polite.

Thanks, and have a great day!

-B

Arriving 6/12/2008

No editorializing from me, my head is fuzzy today as I enter day 5 sans cigarettes. Having a hard time focusing for longer than 3 minutes at a time, gr....

100 BULLETS #92
2000 AD #1587
2000 AD #1588
ACTION COMICS #866
AMAZING SPIDER-GIRL #21
AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #562
ANGEL AFTER THE FALL #8
ARCHIE & FRIENDS #120
BATMAN CONFIDENTIAL #18
BATMAN STRIKES #46
BOOSTER GOLD #10
BOY WHO MADE SILENCE #4
BPRD WAR ON FROGS #1
CAPTAIN BRITAIN AND MI 13 #2 SI
CARTOON NETWORK ACTION PACK #26
CHARLATAN BALL #1
CHUCK #1 (OF 6)
CLANDESTINE #5 (OF 5)
DC UNIVERSE SPECIAL SUPERMAN MONGUL
DOKTOR SLEEPLESS #7 WRAP CVR
DRAFTED #8
ELEPHANTMEN #12
ETERNALS #1
FALL OF CTHULHU #13 CVR A
FEAR AGENT #21 HATCHET JOB (PT 5 OF 5)
GAMEKEEPER SERIES 2 #4
GENEXT #2 (OF 5)
GOON #25
GOTHAM UNDERGROUND #9 (OF 9)
GREEN ARROW BLACK CANARY #9
GREEN LANTERN CORPS #25
HOT MOMS #11 (A)
HULK RAGING THUNDER
HUNTRESS YEAR ONE #3 (OF 6)
INVINCIBLE #50
IRON MAN LEGACY OF DOOM #3 (OF 4)
JACK STAFF #17
LAST DEFENDERS #4 (OF 6)
LEGION OF SUPER HEROES IN THE 31ST CENTURY #15
LOCAL #12 (OF 12) (RES)
LOCKE & KEY #5
LOST BOYS REIGN OF FROGS #2 (OF 4)
MAD MAGAZINE #491
MADMAN ATOMIC COMICS #9
MAGDALENA DAREDEVIL (ONE SHOT)
MARVEL ADVENTURES HULK #12
MARVEL ILLUSTRATED THREE MUSKETEERS #1 (OF 6)
MOON KNIGHT #19
NARCOPOLIS #3 (OF 4) WRAP CVR
NEW EXILES #7
NEWUNIVERSAL SHOCKFRONT #2 (OF 6)
NUMBER OF THE BEAST #5 (OF 8)
PALS N GALS DOUBLE DIGEST #122
PILOT SEASON LADY PENDRAGON #1
PUNISHER MAX LITTLE BLACK BOOK
RED MASS FOR MARS #1 (OF 4) (RES)
REICH #3
SADHU WHEEL OF DESTINY #2 (OF 4)
SALVATION RUN #7 (OF 7)
SECRET INVASION WHO DO YOU TRUST
SIMON DARK #9
SKAAR SON OF HULK #1
SKY DOLL #2 (OF 3)
SONIC THE HEDGEHOG #189
SPIDER-MAN MAGAZINE #1
SPIDER-MAN WITH GREAT POWER #4 (OF 5)
STAR WARS REBELLION #14 SMALL VICTORIES PART 4 (OF 4)
SUPERIOR SHOWCASE #3
TINY TITANS #5
TITANS #3
TRINITY #2
TWELVE #6 (OF 12)
UNCLE SCROOGE #376
VOYAGES OF SHEBUCCANEER #1 (OF 3)
WALT DISNEYS COMICS & STORIES #691
WILDGUARD INSIDER #2 (OF 3)
WONDER WOMAN #21
X-FORCE AINT NO DOG
YOUNG LIARS #4

Books / Mags / Stuff
ABSOLUTE SANDMAN HC VOL 03
ALTER EGO #78
AMAZING JOY BUZZARDS GN VOL 01 HERE COME THE SPIDERS
BECK MONGOLIAN CHOP SQUAD GN VOL 12 (OF 19)
BLADE OF THE IMMORTAL TP VOL 19 BADGER HOLE
BURNOUT
CAPTAIN AMERICA TP VOL 01 DEATH OF CAPTAIN AMERICA
CLASSICS ILLUSTRATED THE INVISIBLE MAN
COMPLETE LITTLE ORPHAN ANNIE HC VOL 01
ETERNALS BY JACK KIRBY TP BOOK 01
FLUFFY HC
FORTEAN TIMES #237
HERO SQUARED TP VOL 02 ANOTHER FINE MESS
ILLUSTRATION MAGAZINE #1 2ND PTG
JAMES BOND TP PARADISE PLOT
JOKER THE GREATEST STORIES EVER TOLD TP
JUDGE DREDD HENRY FLINT COLLECTION TP
JUDGE DREDD MEGAZINE #272
JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA HC VOL 03 INJUSTICE LEAGUE
LOST OFFICIAL MAGAZINE #17 PX ED
MARVEL ZOMBIES 02 HC
METAMORPHO YEAR ONE TP
OUT OF PICTURE SC VOL 02
PENNY ARCADE TP VOL 05 THE CASE OF THE MUMMYS GOLD
PROGRAMME TP VOL 01
QUESTION THE FIVE BOOKS OF BLOOD HC
RIDE TP VOL 02
SILVER SURFER TP IN THY NAME
SLAINE THE KING SC NEW PTG
TOYFARE #132 DARK KNIGHT MOVIE TOYS CVR
VINYL UNDERGROUND TP VOL 01 WATCHING THE DETECTIVES
WILL EISNERS SPIRIT ARCHIVES HC VOL 24
WITCHBLADE ORIGINS TP VOL 01 GENESIS
WOLVERINE TP ENEMY OF STATE ULTIMATE COLLECTION
YOSHITAKA AMANOS MATEKI THE MAGIC FLUTE HC

What looks good to you?

-B

Batman Eats Beignets!: Douglas stares blankly at TRINITY #1 for a while

Well, this is frustrating. Kurt Busiek usually pulls off really good opening sequences--the first issue of Thunderbolts (his previous extended collaboration with Mark Bagley) was a deceptively straightforward-looking story with a killer revelation/cliffhanger at the end, and after he noted that JLA: Syndicate Rules would provide some backstory for Trinity, I read it and enjoyed the opening chapter's everything-bad-is-good mayhem a lot. And I know (from having interviewed him for PW Comics Week about it) that Trinity is meant to be pretty formally ambitious; I really like his idea that it's constructed as "a hybrid between a traditional comic book and a classic continuity Sunday page." So it's strange to see this 1000-plus-page story begin with an issue this bland and groggy. What we get is three pages of cosmic mysteriousness (cf. the first two pages of 52 #1 and the first page of DC Universe 0), followed by an extended scene of Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman's civilian identities eating breakfast and chatting about having had weird dreams lately. The obligatory action sequence is the Flash and his kids fighting Clayface, because... an action sequence is obligatory, and no other good reason, as far as I can tell. At the end, something blows up near Superman. More intriguing things than that have happened to me on the way to the comics shop. This reads like a character-driven story, and Busiek's got a convincing sense of all three principals' voices (although I can't quite hear Bruce Wayne saying "Glad you could make it, buddy!")--but the characters don't actually drive the story anywhere in particular. Bagley's art is perfectly solid; his storytelling instincts are as good as ever, although he really hasn't got much of a handle on Batman or Diana Prince yet. As Brian noted, the lead feature doesn't stumble, but it plods and dawdles where it needs to fly.

The backup, though, is a pretty severe mess. It pretty much spells out the fact that it's Establishing a Premise: our bad guys for the series are going to be Morgaine le Fay (I don't know if I can take a whole year of dialogue like "By Accolon's blood! You have some small wisdom, cur--but you court infinite pain by insulting the witch-queen of Camelot"), Despero, and a new character called Enigma who talks like a cross between Spider-Man and Mojo Jojo. There's a new character called Konvikt whose dialogue seems to have been ported over from a Bill Mantlo-era issue of The Incredible Hulk. And the Big Three represent the major arcana of Justice, the Devil and Strength, fancy that. The one intriguing page is a variation on Geoff Johns' "coming attractions" trick: a flash of a possible future involving Green Arrow, Ragman (and... Ragboy?) and a cig-smoking Lois Lane. Mostly, though, there's so much bulky expository dialogue it hurts.

I can't help but compare this to the first issue of 52: a densely packed tour of a world of wonders that reintroduced half a dozen characters, established a couple of big mysteries, and ended on a relatively low-key moment--Charlie turning the Question-signal on Montoya and asking "are you ready?"--that was still an omigod-what-happens-next hook. The beginning of Trinity, unfortunately, is pretty much Eh. I've got enough faith based on Busiek and Bagley's history, individually and together--and I miss having a book I looked forward to every week enough--that I'm going to keep reading for a few more weeks to see if it picks up, but this isn't an auspicious beginning.

BONUS QUESTION ABOUT SECRET INVASION #3 THAT I'D APPRECIATE IF SOMEBODY COULD CLARIFY: I may have missed a crucial tie-in or something, but the last time we saw the Helicarrier, hadn't it gone into total systems failure over Manhattan? How did it manage to land in the Bermuda Triangle?

Hibbs on TRINITY #1

I'm trying to quit smoking again (third time is the charm?), so forgive me if I write anything that makes no sense -- I'm having a slightly hard time concentrating on anything for longer than, say, 60 seconds or so, and I've got aches all over.

Has to happen, however -- when I come down with Tonsillitis and/or Strep Throat TWICE in like 6 weeks, there's a good sign your body is trying to tell you something.

But that has nothing to do with anything related to comics, so let's talk about TRINITY #1 instead.

Unlike COUNTDOWN #1, er, #51, which after reading it was clear was really really bad, and probably wouldn't get any better TRINITY is decently solid superhero material -- nothing exceptionally wonderful, but nothing offensively poor either. In the best possible sense of the word, this is journeyman material, probably pretty close to exactly the same level material that got your reading comics in the first place.

It won't cure cancer (or win an Eisner!), but there are far worse comics you could waste your time and money with; and it gives you everything you need to know to get what's going on (though the gag of not mentioning "Enigma"'s name in the back half was pretty annoying), which, in 2008, puts it way ahead of almost all of it's contemporaries. So, I'm going to go with a low GOOD.

What did YOU think?

-B

Abhay Titles a Blog Post about Secret Invasion #3

So: where were we...? Secret Invasion #3-- the penultimate issue to the halfway point. How exciting!

To date, there has been absolutely no explanation to the question that keeps nagging at me: why would anyone go to a restaurant called Hell's Kitchen and then complain that their food's taking too long? Didn't you watch the previous seasons of the show? But week after week, that restaurant fills up wtih people shocked-- SHOCKED!-- that the food isn't very good. It's in its, like, third or fourth season. What are those whiny people complaining about? Scream at them, Gordon Ramsey. Scream at them...

I wouldn't say I'm losing interest in Secret Invasion, but...

So far in this series, about twenty minutes have gone by. It's been an eventful twenty minutes-- but if the superheros ever break for lunch, their lunch break could very well take 8 issues. 12, if they eat at the California Pizza Kitchen. 6 issues of Wolverine going into a Berzerker Rage saying "How long does it take these people to make a Caesar Salad? If it takes them this long to make a Caesar Salad-- are the people who order pizza waiting all day? How long do these other assholes wait? I wonder if anyone has ever died waiting for a Chicken Fajita Pizza. What a horrible sounding pizza. How is that progress? That's not progress. I bet if you showed a Chicken Fajita pizza to one of my ancestors, they'd cry. This entire food experience is disappointing my ancestors." Berzerker Rage!

I once wrote to the California Pizza Kitchen, accusing their Fettucini Alfredo of causing me feelings of depression and sadness. You know: I was bored. Anyways: they never wrote back to address the depression or sadness I'd accused the Garlic Cream Sauce of having caused-- instead, they just sent me coupons for more food. I really think there's a metaphor there for, like, our entire way of life, man. But I guess that doesn't really have anything to do with Secret Invasion.

As I was saying, Hell's Kitchen is a reality television show in which a pudgy, sassy child-molesty-looking guy and a pudgy, sassy, yelling/crying lady compete to be the best chef, and the best part is the end of the episode when show host Gordon Ramsey kicks someone out of the kitchen and their photograph bursts into flame. It's what I'm waiting for the entire episode-- I know it's going to happen, and when it finally does happen, that's the moment of satisfaction that keeps me coming back, I think.

Or there's a show called House about a sassy doctor - the tension builds the entire episode until the sassy doctor figures out how to cure the sicko-of-the week. That's the moment of satisfaction for House. Or if you enjoy politics-- we're all waiting for Hillary Clinton to show up at the Democratic Convention with dynamite strapped to her pantsuit, demanding that we name her Emperor of Pretty. We all see it coming-- it's the only way it can end-- it's the way we all want it to end. Sass-ily!

So: What are we waiting to see happen for Secret Invasion?

With the DC crossovers-- Final Crisis and Infinite Crisis both had the same thing going on: buy this crossover so you can find out what this crossover is about. At the beginning of both of those, it's entirely inscrutable what the hell the story was / is going to be about. DC fans pay for the privilege of finding out what they're paying for-- the moment of ultimate satisfaction, the happy ending , is when they tell you what the point of what they sold you is.

But Secret Invasion... The comic is titled "Secret Invasion"-- are fans waiting to see how the invasion gets repelled? That doesn't sound like much. If you look at 9/11, people sure seemed to want revenge after that day, no matter how ill-advised-- just surviving an incident usually isn't enough for the narrative people want to tell themselves. So: will people want to see the Marvel Superheros get revenge for the invasion? Do they want to see the Marvel Superheros invade a completely unrelated alien race that wasn't really involved in the invasion? Or do fans want to see the invasion succeed and Skrulls taking over the Earth? There's no particular bad guy that the fans are being asked to hate. The Skrulls so far are literally faceless.

But maybe that changes here so-- time to read the issue: AFTER READING THE FIRST PAGE OF THE THIRD ISSUE:

The first page is a Dramatis Personae page, identifying the name and appearance of a number of characters.

And wow: I don't recognize half of these characters. There's a character called Stature? ... She get really tall, I presume? There's a character called Wiccan, but it's a guy and not a pudgy lesbian. Annex? His power is to be slightly nicer and newer than the rest of the superheros...? Melee, Sunstreak, Gorilla Girl...? Red Nine, Proton, Batwing, Prodigy, Geiger... Geiger?! Gauntlet? Is he unnaturally good at the video-game Gauntlet? Does he team up with Rampage or Paperboy? That'd be a helpful power, if you were short on quarters.

It's like they gave names to those little tiny characters you see floating around in the background of some DC crossover, after George Perez had too many cups of coffee, and let them into the Marvel Universe. Let DC have the coffee people! AFTER READING THE ENTIRE ISSUE:

What just happened to this comic?

In this issue: all of the Marvel superheros you know and like go away for 22 pages, and, like, these other characters I've never heard of come along instead. The big, hyped-up summer crossover series just put an issue-long spotlight on Geiger and Friends...!

And then Nick Fury shows up at the end, but with these other D-List characters I've never seen before, who...

I think this comic just turned into the Skrulls versus a mid-1990's Image comic! Nick Fury has a gun so plainly about compensating for a small penis-- that gun would make Codename Strykeforce blush. And there's a minority lady, a lady with a robot hand, a guy with his shirt off, Dave Navarro holding a chain, a little kid-- the Marvel universe just got invaded by the 5000th WildC.A.Ts revamp.

Chap Yaep's going to sue somebody.

Seriously though: who are any of the characters in this comic book? ... Maybe this isn't a valid thing to say, but: What happened to Spiderman or the Wolverine? Didn't Marvel used to publish comics with Spiderman or the Wolverine in them? (Though god, speaking of which-- I've been following Spiderman for a couple issues just because I like Marcos Martin's art. The writing though... Jesus Christ! Is that, like-- why is Marvel... Did someone lose a bet?)

I suppose Marvel wants fan reaction to focus on the Iron Man scene, in which it is teased that Iron Man might be a little green man. But... come on: they're not revealing that Iron Man's a little green man a month after his movie comes out. It's just not plausible. What's more interesting is that Iron Man brings the number of characters with a moustache in this comic book to a total of five. Five men with moustaches. One girl who looks like she waxes it... I went to a party once where there was a girl with a moustache. She didn't wax it, and it'd actually grown into, like... like, a full-blown moustache. Regular girl, a little thick, and a moustache. Never occurred to her to wax it. It really blew my mind. Anyways, five moustaches in a single, non-period-piece comic book? That's something, at least. Maybe that's where Secret Invasion is headed-- towards an invasion of guys offering moustache rides? I for one welcome the Mighty Marvel Moustache Rides!

My favorite character I've never heard of before and don't care anything about is definitely Annex. FYI. I hope Hulkamaniac survives though. Or that other character... with the hair...? Who ... seems like he likes good more than he likes evil. I hope he wins in the end. I'm rooting for that guy. Granted, Final Crisis revolves around Terrible Turpin, but... I prefer a DC comic about obscure minor DC characters . Personally, I like the Marvel A-list and the DC D-List, and I don't like the Marvel D-List or the DC A-List. Maybe I'm weird that way, though...

Yeah, nothing really happens in this one. Here's the plot summary for this issue: "Nick Fury shows up." That's about all that happens. I understand why it's plotted this way-- they wanted the issue to be yet another "shit hits the fan" issue, showing how overwhelmingly the Skrulls are winning up until the Nick Fury arrival which they end on. They want to show how the Skrulls really had this invasion planned out, and how it would have worked but for ______. But 9 pages of Skrulls beating up D-listers...? I suspect they've overestimated their audience's patience on this one. Given how little "happened" last issue, and again this issue... I would be surprised if most fans are okay with the pacing... I would guess that'll be the focus of fan reaction far moreso than reacting to that lame Iron Man scene.

I like how a Marvel comic has an advertisement for Batman in it. There are two ads of the Incredible Hulk encouraging an aging douchebag to do his laundry or something. I don't really understand those. For example, why is the aging douchebag wearing that awful belt? Am I right? He's wearing a gray shirt and gray pants, with a gray belt and a gray jacket... Did someone boring die? How about that men's fashion, huh?

Oh, and speaking of douchebags: there's a giant closeup photo of Will Smith smirking on the back of the comic. It's advertising a movie or something, but really, it's only a matter of years before photographs of Will Smith smirking are placed strategically throughout this country just to numb and placate the public. They'll drop photos of Will Smith smirking down onto our food riots to calm us all down. I'm expecting the food riots in November incidentally-- high price of heating during the winter, $80 a gallon gas by then, truckers striking, banking crises, mothers abandoning their babies, nature reclaiming the cities, a madman rising in the East. Basically: photo of Will Smith on the back cover of Secret Invasion #3 reminds me of a rapidly impending apocalypse. But photos of Will Smith have been doing that for me since the music video for Miami... humanity muddles through, I guess.

Also: the Vision gets his head blown off, which would be moving if I knew he was alive before this comic. Didn't he get killed already? I thought that character was dead...

So: that wraps the issue. The plot has advanced another 10 minutes, which-- if the life expectancy of the average American is 77.8 years, assuming this pacing holds, according to my rough calculations, one human lifetime is the equivalent of 408,968 issues of Secret Invasion. A comic telling the story of a single human life at this rate would thus take 34,080 years to be published. Not including annuals.

I hope next issue has the for-real Marvel superheros in it, though. I prefer them.

Those Old-Time Haunts: Jog on the vast, Polyphemus-like and loathsome of 6/4

Haunt of Horror: Lovecraft #1 (of 3):

Back in 2006, Marvel put out a three-issue miniseries titled Haunt of Horror: Edgar Allan Poe. It was an odd project for the publisher, reviving the brand of a mid-'70s line of digests and magazines as a literary adaptation showcase for veteran artist Richard Corben. It was all in b&w, perhaps to better evoke the feel of old horror magazines; certainly the stories hearkened back to the short shockers through which some memorable stylists thrived, not least among them Corben himself (though he did much color work at the time too).

Yet each tale was also helpfully followed by its prose or verse original, loose as the adaptation might have been - it certainly made for easier comparison, and maybe a touch of added literary heft. I recall the pamphlet release being timed out so that a hardcover collection could be on bookstore shelves in time for Halloween; I guess that plan worked, since here's the sequel, with what looks to be the same release pattern.

I'm pretty glad. Corben has certainly done some rewarding work in the confines of preexisting series -- I really liked his art on The Punisher: The End and Hellboy: Makoma, or, A Tale Told by a Mummy in the New York City Explorers' Club on August 16, 1993, and especially Vertigo's first American Splendor series -- but he seemed most at ease with the Poe material, and the various short stories from his issue of DC's lamented Solo (#2).

Granted, this new series -- 25 pages of comics this issue, with 7 pages of text, no ads, $3.99 -- marks something of a departure from even those two, in that Corben is now doing all the writing by himself too (with Jeff Eckleberry on letters), adapting the story Dagon and two selections from The Fungi from Yuggoth (Recognition and A Memory). I suspect that it's Corben's visuals that'll continue to attract the most attention.

This isn't quite the best work of Corben's I've seen of late. Which means there's still some great bits - the partial coloring on the front and back covers is nicely striking, the big monster close-ups land with some impact, and there's a fine, rather understated sequence with a man catching fire while atop a horse that I really liked. Those Corben facial expressions always raise a smile too.

But several pages seem less atmospheric than sparse - the artist's conversion of the inky marsh of Lovecraft's Dagon to a beach of white mist and matching overcast skies seems less "the unutterable hideousness that can dwell in absolute silence and barren immensity" than a matter of convenience, particularly when the text is right there to establish the choking intoxication that rises with Lovecraft's oceanic rot, something you'd expect Corben's pulsing style to tackle with glee. Yet there's more restraint than expected in here, replacing Lovecraft's emphasis on place with vivid focusing events -- creatures dancing, monsters looming -- that draw Corben's art out into more gnarled detail.

Indeed, Corben's Dagon adaptation generally seems caught between preserving Lovecraft's hallucinogenic account of ancient creatures seething below humankind's warmaking and providing a more action-focused comic experience, filled with human sacrifice and undulating hordes. Lovecraft miscellany of a sort, though I'm no expert as to where Corben might be drawing from. His emphasis on events is strong enough that his narrator seems far more beleaguered than Lovecraft's humored morphine addict, which makes the adaptation's concluding nod to suicide-by-vision (love the hand barely creeping in from off-panel) seem inauthentic.

Yet, just as with the Poe project, Corben is better with less detailed source material. Recognition makes for an easy transformation into just the type of fevered morality play that a magazine like Haunt of Horror might specialize in, even as the groaning faces of Corben's trees gradually give way to a fight in gray & white murk. And A Memory benefits from a full transformation into a swords 'n witchery saga of good old atavistic guilt, shock ending definitely included!

A curious series, even on the second go-around, and certainly not for every Marvel reader. Or every Lovecraft reader, I bet. It's mainly for Richard Corben admirers, and/or those happy to relive the twisting pace of older, shorter horror comics, and the ways they might absorb even earlier horrors into their being. As luck would have it, that accounts for me, so I'll call it GOOD.

Let's Break Out The Booze and Have A Ball: Diana Slays A Giant, 5/28

You know, there are times I recall - quite clearly - how excited X-Men readers were at the news that Joss Whedon would be succeeding Grant Morrison on NEW X-MEN. Granted, that's not exactly how it went down, but thematically, ASTONISHING X-MEN was very much the next chapter in the story Morrison had started. And Whedon's run had plenty of high points: Colossus' comeback was simple and touching, "Torn" was one of the best team-wrecking exercises I've read, and Whedon's characterization was spot-on for his entire team. And now here we are, at the end of a twenty-five issue run, precisely four years to the week that ASTONISHING X-MEN #1 came out. I've just finished reading GIANT-SIZE ASTONISHING X-MEN, and I don't want to talk about delays, or continuity issues, or projections regarding the upcoming Ellis run. I want to talk about the story. So, obviously, here be spoilers. It's difficult to avoid comparing ASTONISHING X-MEN and BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, despite the fact that it's been done ad nauseum. I'm not suggesting it's a one-for-one analogy, as if to say that Kitty is Buffy and Peter is Angel and so on, but rather that my expectations of the story were based on the typical Whedon season structure: there's a Bigger Picture behind each individual arc and we can't see it until the very end. That's part of what made BUFFY so interesting to me during its early years, that end-point revelation where all the pieces fit together. It's easy to get used to that, to the extent that when the pieces stopped fitting together in the series' later years? Diana smash.

But what happens if the pieces fit, and the Bigger Picture just isn't compelling? Well, you get GIANT-SIZE ASTONISHING X-MEN.

Here's the thing: on a purely technical level, GIANT-SIZE ASTONISHING X-MEN does what it's supposed to do - we get callbacks to earlier emotional points (that last shot of Peter with his hand on his chest), we get the Chekhov principle where various guns introduced in earlier acts go off (the Sentinel from "Dangerous", the end of Hisako's rite of passage, the "truth" about Abby Brand). But it's all so underwhelming, not very "Giant-Size" at all. Everything more or less adds up but the sum just doesn't impress.

Well, that's not quite true, is it? Because Danger just disappears after an obligatory cameo, and Cassandra Nova is presumably still on the loose, and Kitty Pryde is written off in an incredibly open-ended way... I'd think it was all set-up for the next writer, but Warren Ellis doesn't have the best track record for picking up where his predecessors leave off, and even if he did, there's more set-up here than closure.

And on top of that? It's not even good set-up. Kitty is written out in one of the most contrived, convoluted scenarios I've ever seen, with some technobabble about being fused to a giant bullet, the sort of scenario that pulls you right out of the story because it doesn't make any kind of sense. What's worse, Whedon falls into the same trap that's made Joe Quesada's career of late, as once again "magic" proves to be the bane of storytelling. Shockingly, Dr. Strange fubars the juju and everyone drops into a fantasy sequence that would've been effective if it had meant the return of Cassandra, but ends up being backlash because the Retaliator is magically shielded. Somehow. In a way that may or may not have something to do with Illyana Rasputin. This is the point where I just shrug my shoulders and move on.

So here we are, after four years of waiting for the story to play itself out. Was it worth it? Not really, no. ASTONISHING X-MEN turned out to be an OKAY run with some VERY GOOD moments and an EH finish, but sadly, I don't think it ever went farther than that.

Arriving 6/4/2008

Another solid week....

A G SUPER EROTIC ANTHOLOGY #82 (A)
ABE SAPIEN THE DROWNING #5 (OF 5)
ALL NEW ATOM #24
AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #561
AMERICAN DREAM #3 (OF 5)
AMERICAN SPLENDOR SEASON TWO #3 (OF 4)
ARCHIE DOUBLE DIGEST #189
ASTONISHING X-MEN SKETCHBOOK
AVENGERS INVADERS #2 (OF 12)
BATMAN DEATH MASK #3 (OF 4)
BATTLESTAR GALACTICA ORIGINS #6
BETTY #174
BOYS #19
BRIT #6
BUDDHA STORY OF ENLIGHTENMENT #3
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER #15
CABLE #4 DWS
CRIMINAL 2 #3
DARK TOWER LONG ROAD HOME #4 (OF 5)
DC SPECIAL RAVEN #4 (OF 5)
DETECTIVE COMICS #845
DEVI #20 (RES)
DOCTOR WHO CLASSICS #7
DUO STARS #1
FX #4 (OF 6)
GRIMM FAIRY TALES #27
HAUNT OF HORROR LOVECRAFT #1 (OF 3)
HOUSE OF MYSTERY #2
INFINITY INC #10
INVINCIBLE IRON MAN #2
JONAH HEX #32
JUSTICE LEAGUE UNLIMITED #46
JUSTICE SOCIETY OF AMERICA #16
KICK ASS #3
LOONEY TUNES #163
LORDS OF AVALON SOD #5 (OF 6)
MACK BOLAN THE EXECUTIONER DEVILS TOOLS #3 (OF 5)
MANHUNTER #31
MARVEL ADVENTURES SPIDER-MAN #40
MARVEL SPOTLIGHT SECRET INVASION
MIDNIGHTER #20
NEW BATTLESTAR GALACTICA SEASON ZERO #9
NIGHTWING #145
NOVA #14
OMEGA UNKNOWN #9 (OF 10)
PUNISHER WAR JOURNAL #20
RANN THANAGAR HOLY WAR #2 (OF 8)
RAY HARRYHAUSEN FLYING SAUCERS VS EARTH #2 (OF 4)
RED SONJA #34
ROBIN SPOILER SPECIAL #1
SECRET INVASION #3 (OF 8) SI
SPAWN #179
SPIDER-MAN FAMILY #9
STAR TREK ASSIGNMENT EARTH #2
STAR TREK NEW FRONTIER #3
SUPERGIRL #30
TALES FROM WONDERLAND MAD HATTER #1
TANK GIRL VISIONS OF BOOGA #2
TOR #2 (OF 6)
TRINITY #1
ULTIMATE ORIGINS #1 (OF 5) (RES)
VINYL UNDERGROUND #9
WAR THAT TIME FORGOT #2 (OF 12)
WITCHBLADE #118
WOLVERINE DANGEROUS GAME
YOUNG X-MEN #3 DWS

Books / Mags / Stuff
BATMAN THE KILLING JOKE COLLECTORS SET
BLEACH TP VOL 23
CONAN BORN ON THE BATTLEFIELD HC
CRAWL SPACE TP VOL 01 XXXOMBIES
DOGWITCH TP VOL 03 MOOD SWINGS
ESSENTIAL CAPTAIN MARVEL TP VOL 01
FABLES TP VOL 10 THE GOOD PRINCE
GEEK MONTHLY VOL 2 #6
HEDGE KNIGHT II SWORN SWORD PREM HC
HULK VS THE MARVEL UNIVERSE TP
HULK WWH TP FRONT LINE
INDIANA JONES OMNIBUS TP VOL 02
INVINCIBLE TP VOL 09 OUT OF THIS WORLD
LEGION OF SUPER HEROES 1050 YEARS IN THE FUTURE TP
LOBSTER JOHNSON TP VOL 01 IRON PROMETHEUS
LOST BOOKS OF EVE TP VOL 01
MONSTER ZOO GN
MPD PSYCHO TP VOL 05
MUZZ GN
NEW AVENGERS TP VOL 07 TRUST
NICEST NAUGHTY FAIRY HC
NUMBER 73304-23-4153-6-96-8 HC
PATH OF THE ASSASSIN TP VOL 11
PENANCE RELENTLESS TP
SEX DRUGS AND VIOLENCE I/T COMICS TP VOL 01
SHOWCASE PRESENTS HAUNTED TANK TP VOL 02
SONIC THE HEDGEHOG ARCHIVES TP VOL 07
STAR WARS OMNIBUS DROIDS TP VOL 01
TALES FROM THE STARLIGHT DRIVE IN GN
TELLOS COLOSSAL TP VOL 01
TOM STRONG TP BOOK 06
VAISTRON TP VOL 01
WORMWOOD CALAMARI RISING TP
X-FACTOR VISIONARIES PETER DAVID TP VOL 04
X-MEN TP VOL 02 COMPLETE ONSLAUGHT EPIC
ZOMBIE SIMON GARTH TP

What looks good to YOU?

-B

Swiss time running out: Douglas quick-hits some pamphlets of 5/29

Once again, the SavCrit hive-mind has failed to cohere. I tried to avoid spoilers this time, so no cut... FINAL CRISIS #1: No, it's not a slam-bang opener like the first World War Hulk or Infinite Crisis or Secret Invasion; nobody punches anybody through a building. The tone is more of a slow slide into hell, the tipping point where the whole system becomes too badly screwed up to salvage. Morrison's described FINAL CRISIS as a take on the eschatology of this cultural moment, which seems about right. It's also true that the character who gets killed doesn't get a heroic exit, or much dramatic context for it: this is about a world where all it takes is some stupid with a flare gun to ruin everything. The story's full of stuff that rewards repeated looks and consideration, and it keeps circling back to the distinctions between gods and men, between enormous powers and the people they crush for sport or advantage. (The missing kids aren't just smart, they're poor, and I bet that's significant.) I pretty much loved all of it except for the tedious scene with the Monitors--which is, I think, the only part whose sense is directly contingent on Countdown. Jones and Sinclair's artwork is exquisite, too: body language, details of color (the rippling water reflecting the red sky!)... This isn't quite what I was expecting, but after a few readings, I'm finding it Very Good indeed. (I've annotated it at length over here.)

BATMAN #677: Wow. Drastically altering the premise of a series in the space of eight pages or so is a pretty impressive trick; when that series is Batman, it's really impressive, and I got a nice solid jolt from the plot twist this issue, even though it can't be entirely what it seems. Very Good, in a distinctly different way, although I agree with other people that Tony Daniel's artwork isn't quite working here--I don't know if the problem is his basic approach so much as that Morrison doesn't seem to be writing for him the way that he's writing for Jones and Quitely.

ALL STAR SUPERMAN #11: And, weirdly, I thought this one was just Good, and that's following on the heels of last issue, which was my favorite superhero comic I've read all year. Solaris never really seems like much of a threat, or even like much of an entity, and the overarching plot of the series barely advances--Morrison spends too much of the issue going for cute lines and throwaway gags that don't add up to much. Hard to complain too much when Quitely's this on point, though, and I imagine it'll read differently after next issue, too.

ACTION COMICS #865: Blatantly a breather-between-arcs issue, but a pretty Good one, with the best work I've seen from Jesus Merino; I really like his fine-line/ink-wash technique on the flashback sequences. A neat little premise, too: the Toyman tells us his side of the story and explains his tragic history and his motivations--and he's so delusional that even the tragic history is almost completely lies. Also, that's a fine cover by Kevin Maguire, but it's too bad Maguire drew a totally different version of the character than Merino did.

NEW AVENGERS #41: I have no idea if it's the case or not, but I can imagine that the breakdown for Secret Invasion's story distribution between Bendis's three series allotted one significant event per issue, and this issue's was "Ka-Zar explains what happened in the Savage Land sequence early on in New Avengers, from his perspective." The problem is that that's only a few pages worth of exposition, and the rest of this issue seems like marking time: wasting lots of cycles deferring the cliffhanger until the end, and repeating stuff we've already seen in Secret Invasion #2. And as classically jungle-hero as Billy Tan's Ka-Zar and Shanna look, his Spider-Man seems really off. Eh.

DAREDEVIL #107: It's mighty Good to see the Brubaker/Rucka/Lark/Gaudiano Gotham Central team working together again, and they're clicking just like they always did: crime story/ensemble soap opera is a mode that fits them well. There's a lot of character business packed in here, though, including the idea Brubaker's been playing with that Matt is in really terrible psychological shape and not really in condition to deal with the A-plot. Still, the "save the bad guy from being executed for crimes he confessed to but didn't actually commit" gambit is maybe a little too familiar, especially after that last arc with Melvin in it. If I'm reading it correctly, the guy Matt's going to be defending in this story is in fact a disbarred lawyer--although that's only mentioned in a single panel, and you'd think it'd be a bigger plot point.

The weight of Expectations

So there's two ways to look at FINAL CRISIS #1.

The first way is as the end of a "trilogy" of Crisii; the culmination of Dan Didio's editorial vision which, at this point, would make this issue #122.

(to whit: TITANS/YOUNG JUSTICE: GRADUATION DAY [3 issues], IDENTITY CRISIS [7], COUNTDOWN TO INFINITE CRISIS [1], DAY OF VENGEANCE [6], VILLAINS UNITED [6], RANN/THANAGAR WAR [6], OMAC PROJECT [6] and the [4] part SUPERMAN/WONDER WOMAN crossover that spun from that, plus another special for each of those four series [4], THE RETURN OF DONNA TROY [4], INFINITE CRISIS [7], COUNTDOWN TO FINAL CRISIS [51], SALVATION RUN [7], DC UNIVERSE #0 [1], DEATH OF THE NEW GODS [8])

(That's me being nice and not counting AMAZONS ATTACK, or 52, or all of the individual crossover issues that happened in various comics, or event things like the JLA "Crisis in Confidence" storyline. You could certainly make the case that this is the 250+th issue if you're less charitable)

(And, of course, that's not counting the 30 issues of SEVEN SOLDIERS OF VICTORY, which really feel more like the lead-in to this than most of that other stuff...)

There's a lot of me that thinks that is a very very fair way indeed to look at it because that's exactly how they pitched it, and, to a large degree, the very title of "Final Crisis" puts that very weight upon it.

By that thinking, yes, I think this comic is largely a failure -- it is a slow build, it doesn't appear to have any direct focus, has seemingly important things happen in a small small, and lets seemingly unimportant things happen at a dawdling pace. It also appears to either directly contradict, or just ignore things that have happened in the last 2-6 months in the DCU universe -- the New Gods have already been dropping like flies, why is the GLC and JLA just noticing now as if it were the first time? Since SALVATION RUN is shipping late, a lot of these characters really should be running around, right? Where's the C-List Monitor Posse, starring Ray Palmer, who said they'd be the ones Monitoring the Monitors? And so on.

Plus, as Graeme notes, there ain't no explosions. And yeah, I think it a company universe-spanning crossover, especially one with a name like "Final Crisis" there shore should be some of dem purty spolsives, lordy yes!

I mean, honestly, after reading the issue, my first, gut-level reaction was "Well, where's the 'Crisis'?"

So, from the "Man, we've been reading the unending event from like 2003 now, where's my payoff?" POV, I can't give much more than an EH for this first issue.

But of course, the other way to look at it is without the weight of expectations, to completely let the last year of comics slip out of your brains, to not have the weight of a "Crisis" upon it, and just judge the book by itself.

And as that kind of reader, I'd call this a fairly GOOD book.

Because I think if it had come along with a different name, or not had a year-long lead-in (kinda sorta), or not been pushed as the conclusion of a trilogy, or even not come out in comparison with Marvel's string of similar events -- if people did not have the weight of expectations upon them, then I think the general internet reaction would have been very different.

Another book with a big Weight upon it was GIANT-SIZE ASTONISHING X-MEN #1, the big wrap-up to the Whedon/Cassaday story. And it, too, suffers I think, because of it. After all of the long ass waiting for it, I think it fails to impress, but that is because of the long-ass wait. I suspect someone reading it in TP form for the first time is going to think that was a pretty solid story and a GOOD ending to the run; me, I've been living with that wait, so it too was kind of EH, for me.

What did YOU think?

-B