The Disservice of Lip Service
February, 1994

There are times that I get so sick of the nonsense in this industry; of the lies that are spoon-fed to us, like formula to a baby; of the half-truths and hype that we have to wade through to get even the barest semblance of the accurate information we need to do our jobs.

And I say "shame on you" to the purveyors of these lies, to the hucksters of these half-truths – because they do it not because they necessarily believe their own fictions, but because it covers their asses as the ax starts to fall.

I was incredulous (like I hope you also were) from the glowing reviews that Capital and Diamond both gave Marvel's 1994 publishing plan. "Back to basics" they exclaim. "1994 looks Marvel-ous" they cry.

Bullshit, I say.

Let's get real here for a minute: the concept that stories are back in vogue at the "House of Ideas" assumes that there are people there that can recognize them. Seeing how Marvel has not announced any massive changes in the editorial structure recently, one can only assume that the same editors and creators which have been dumping sub-par, barely literate hack-work on to the market throughout 1993 are going to be the same people trying to provide "story-driven" material in 1994, no? Without getting to specific and insulting anyone in particular, why should we believe that the Editor on, say, the "Midnight Sons" Group (which has been particularly filled with moronic cotton-candy in 1993 – to the point of lowering sales in my store to, in some cases, 10% of what they were selling last January) is suddenly going to be able to pull tired and cliché-ridden tripe out of it's current tail-spin? If the Editor is capable of doing this, then why are they waiting until now? What were they doing in 1993? Twiddling their thumbs? As a retailer and a consumer, I expect everyone in this business to be giving it their 100% (or more!) – I do, after all. And why should I expect anything less out of one of my suppliers? If they haven't been giving 100%, then you should fire their fool asses, and if they have been, then clearly this "back to basic" stuff is rhetoric.

Empty. Hollow. Meaningless. Rhetoric. Full of sound and fury, signifying fucking nothing

You'll note that this is very similar to Peter David's "problem" with Image over the "holding back" statement: If you have been "holding back", then you've been cheating us, and why should I trust a cheat? And if you haven't, then you're lying, and there's no reason to trust a liar, either.

Speaking of Image, I simply cannot believe the things that still come out of their mouths. Specifically Todd McFarlane. In the "E.G.O." column in Wizard #28, Todd insinuates that retailers greedily over-ordered Spawn #10 because of the Rob Liefeld poster. Since Todd is against greed, he won't accept returns when the book arrives sans poster. That's right: you have leftover returns, not because it was mis-solicited, but because you were greedy! The problem with this is that the only person demonstrably displaying greed is Todd. After all, there are retailers who have too many copies because the poster wasn't there (I know, I've talked to them!), as they expected to be able to sell it to their Liefeld customers who don't buy Spawn regularly. And if these people are stuck with unsalable merchandise, because of Todd's inability to get that poster in on time, then who is being greedy? Certainly not the retailers who ordered based on what sales-patterns in their stores show. No, it's Todd, who missolicited a product, and is refusing to make good on his mistake.

At least Todd is only ignorant (Quote [From the interview in 11/92's Comics Retailer]: "I'm selling 200 Copies of Spawn to a retailer and they're selling five copies of Wonder Woman, and I get the same rack space. And I'm going, `I put in 45 times more money into your pocket, and I get the same rack space as Wonder Woman?' It doesn't make any sense to me." Well, a-duh! I could put Spawn in a rusted barrel, glowing with green pus, with a 10-foot sign saying "DANGER! RADIATION HAZARD!" blinking in neon lights, and Spawn would still sell [O.K., that's an exaggeration, but you know what I mean]. Wonder Woman, on the other hand, needs a great deal of help and push for it to perform well. In fact, I would argue that Wonder Woman requires more rack space than Spawn, in order to help it perform), and not willfully idiotic, like, say DC.

DC has fallen into the trap that started crippling Marvel half a decade ago: "If they like it once, they'll love it a dozen more times!" You like Superman? Well, here's two more monthly books! (Steel and Superboy) You like Batman? Here's another couple of books! (Robin and Catwoman, plus the seemingly endless "special" or mini-series of the month) You enjoy crossovers? Here's a twenty-eight (!) part one, each one with another new characters (each of whom will be spinning off in one fashion, or another!). You enjoyed us killing Superman? Cool, we'll maim Batman, and make Green Lantern go insane! Yeah, that'll draw in a big crowd. I know I'm sick of it, and look! There go the titles off my customers' subscription forms. Scratch, scratch, and scratch!

And as near as I can tell these decisions were made by looking purely at the sell-in figures. Of course, sell-through would've told another story (Bloodlines was a dog; Multiple Bat-titles are killing the franchise; and Knightquest is the most meager shadow of the Superman success story. How much less GL?)

Sigh.

Then there's the "look how `retailer friendly' we are" ploy. Take Valiant, for example. They're crowing that they've got a in-house 30-days-late-it's-returnable policy. Whoop-de-fuckin’-do. Never mind the fact that Capital has already closed the window to 30 days, and that Diamond long ago announced plans to do the same. Sheesh! What do they take us for? If they're so damn `retailer friendly', and they're so concerned with late-shipping books, then why isn't Deathmate returnable? I don't care that it was the "Image half" that was late...it was a Valiant/Image co-project. And when you partner with someone, you are responsible for their mistakes, if they won't make restitution. But, no. I see no "friendship" there.

Don't stand for it. Whether it's lies, ignorance, or idiocy, don't put up with it. Raise your voice, make a stink! Because by silence you make it easier for them to lie to us in the future.