The Savage Critic: November 23rd, 2001 By Brian Hibbs

Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends.

HA! Done. Finished. Kaput.

I typed the two sweetest words known to mankind this morning – "The" and "End", making me officially done with the first draft of my novel. 91,026 words, 464 pages. Took me nearly two hours to print it out. Funny, how they don’t teach you that anywhere.

My time sense is all off – I finished one day short of 11 months after I began... but I also took 3 months off in between the first and second half to evaluate how I was doing (I sucked, and I needed to VASTLY revise it when I went to second draft). But it also only took me 102 ACTUAL days to write (hey! That’s only 892 words a day! Geez, I suck again!)

Which probably amounts to 204 hours... or 8.5 days. Heh. Math is fun!

If I was a "real" writer (that is, if my attention didn’t begin to wander and my ass begin to squirm at around the two hour mark), I suspect I could nail a novel in just under 6 months, including my own first revision.

The part that sucks, though (and again, they don’t teach you this anywhere) is now I have to walk away from it for a few months again so I can look at it with fresh eyes for the NEXT revision. MAYBE, once that’s complete, and I begin looking for an agent, etc., I can be REALLY done (though... I don’t think you’re ACTUALLY done until the second printing rolls into stores) by my birthday in mid-June.

Anyway, I know all of 6 of you care, but I finished the damn thing (for now) – how many people do YOU know that say "I’m writing a book" and then they never actually get to "The" and "end"?

On to the comics.... Actually, I don’t really WANT to write this darn thing, but I promised, didn’t I? Shorter than usual, I think (he said, before typing a single review).

AMERICAN CENTURY #9: Self-contained one-off. Not so bad. Not so good, either. I think next issue we’re going to see a large drop off in readers as they all go "I’ll wait for the trade", as one. OK.

BATMAN GOTHAM KNIGHTS #23: While I like the little "what Batman fears" bit at the end, it was a tortuous road to get there. Eh.

BATMAN ORPHEUS RISING #4: Fuck. Five and six issue mini-series are almost ALWAYS padded feeling – very seldom could you not trim it down to fit into four. This is definitely one of those cases. Awful.

BATTLE POPE SHORTS #3: Yes, the joke HAS worn thin. Eh.

BIRDS OF PREY #37: More wrap up from Joker’s Last Laugh. Its pretty fucked up that these "wrap up" issues have more humanity and passion than anything that was actually IN the series. OK.

CAPTAIN AMERICA #49: I like Dan Jurgens personally. But I fucking hate his writing. Just another month until we can forget his run like a bad dream... Awful.

DAREDEVIL #27: Well-written, VERY well-illustrated. But I Just Don’t Care™. Eh.

DAREDEVIL YELLOW #5: Hey! Ditto! Eh.

ELEKTRA & WOLVERINE THE REDEEMER #1: Greg Rucka is a very fine prose writer. Well, usually. I thought this felt flabby and thin. I could be biased because my customers overwhelming rejected it (I’ve sold...oh, yuck, THREE copies so far)... but I don’t think so. Well intentioned, but otherwise meaningless. Eh.

ESTABLISHMENT #3: It would be nice if I actually LIKED a comic this week. One HAS to be coming soon, right? Right??!?!? Well, this wasn’t it, that’s for sure. No sign of any of the things I liked from #1 and 2, instead a lot of Gibberish for Gibberish's Sake™. Eh.

FANTASTIC FOUR 1234 #4: Close, so so close... but, ultimately this was a pretty pointless mini-series. OK

GEN 13 #71: I know you couldn’t tell, but this HAD been growing on me a smidge (Jeff Lester kept insisting it was an Excellent comic and that I was just blind, or ig-rant)... but all of my growing interest went very far away here. Yuck. Don’t care about robots. Awful.

GHOST RIDER HAMMER LANE #6: UGH. What the FUCK was the point of this mini, anyway? Whoo, break out the gas masks, boys, here’s a stinky one. Awful.

INCREDIBLE HULK #34: Oh, FINALLY. Damn, it took all the way until "I" this week. Very Good.

IRON MAN #48: And there goes any chance for a streak. Wow, another crappy comic burning rack space. Thankfully, this gets rid of most of the lingering (and heinous) plot lines dangling along, clearing the deck for Mike Grell (after next month’s silent issue – hey, the next issue box says it is a FIGHT SCENE. Oh, boy, THAT will be original!) Awful.

JLA GATEKEEPER #2: Big miscue. Truman’s art was fab, but I honestly could not have cared if every single character in this book died a horrible and painful death. Waste of $5, that’s for sure. Awful.

JSA #30: Too easy a resolution. Eh.

LOVE AND ROCKETS VOLUME II #3: Jaime is a comics god. Beto is, too... but I just don’t like most of his stuff. Still, this continues to be one of the most readable comics on the stands. Very good.

MONARCHY #9: Clearer, and more understandable.... but it's too late. I don’t care. Moving to the "not reviewed" column next issue, because my life is too short. Eh.

NIGHTSIDE #2: Why was this greenlit? Anyway we can cancel it before the last two come out? Could hardly be worse. Awful.

ORION #20: *sigh* Awful.

OUTLAW NATION #15: Eh.

PETER PARKER SPIDER-MAN #37: "No, our first fight was uptown" was funny; and so was the Torch scene... but Jenkins ain’t no Peter David, that’s for sure. Eh.

POWERS #15: Bendis ALMOST strikes me as lazy with his news-programs-as-framing-devices (also see last weeks Elektra), but, not sure why, this one worked well for me. Good.

PUNISHER #6: If there is one word that you wouldn’t associate with the Punisher, it would probably be "heartwarming". Well, now you can. Very good.

ROBIN #96: Just like Birds of Prey. Eh.

SIMPSONS COMICS #64: And the third Ian Boothby script that works as well (if not better) than the TV show. Too bad Gail Simone’s backup was in this ish – she compares poorly with Ian, even if she’d be the best thing in any OTHER issue. Very Good.

STAR WARS INFINITIES A NEW HOPE #4: Nah, thanks anyway. Eh.

SUPERBOY #94: Heh. That was cute. Not great. But cute. OK.

SUPERGIRL #64: OK

SUPERMAN THE MAN OF STEEL #120: Maudlin. Eh.

THUNDERBOLTS #58: Eh. (I TOLD you I would be briefer this week!)

TITANS #35: I think this book has officially gone off the rails. Those kids can NOT go away fast enough to please me. For "He was MY lover": Awful.

ULTIMATE MARVEL TEAM UP #9: Bwah-ha-ha. Better than, say, Not Brand Echh. But not as good as that MTU with the Not Ready For Primetime Players. How’s THAT for a review? OK.

ULTIMATE X-MEN #11: Saw that coming. OK.

WAR STORY SCREAMING EAGLES: And just when you thought it would be too late, RIGHT at the last review of the week, I give you an Excellent comic.

 For Sake of Completeness, here’s a list of all of the OTHER comics that CE got in this week, that I did NOT read (and, therefore, am unlikely to review!). Note, that in most cases this is limited to 1) Manga, which I try to read as it is collected; 2) "Kids" comics like most of the Archies; 3) titles that were subs-only, either by design or accident; 4) Porno [oh, like you need me to REVIEW it!], 5) Things that looked SO bad on the racks that I didn’t bother, and 6) Stuff I Just Don’t Care About. (like most of the CrossGen books)

BLADE OF THE IMMORTAL #60
CRUX #8
DEADBEATS #50
FANTASTIC FOUR WORLDS GREATEST COMIC MAGAZINE #12
GRENDEL THE DEVIL INSIDE #3
HAMMER OF THE GODS #5
JINGLE BELLE JUBILEE ONE SHOT
LADY DEATH LAST RITES #2
LAUGH DIGEST #171
LEGEND OF THE SAGE #4
MISTRESS & THE MAGGOT #2
NINJA BOY #4
NORM #0
OH MY GODDESS PART XI #1
OH MY GODDESS PART XI #2
POWERPUFF GIRLS #21
SCION #18
SHADOW REAVERS #4
SKELEBUNNIES SPANKTACULAR
STEAMPUNK #10
TALES OF CHEROKEE #2
TALEWEAVER #3
US WAR MACHINE #11
VAMPI #12
VICTORIAN #11
XENOS ARROW BOOK 2 #5

And, for even MORE completeness sake, here’s a list of books, TPBs, GNs, and magazines that CE got this week. I generally haven’t read any of this by the time I post these reviews. Though I generally attempt to give at least one recommendation amongst the TPBs each week, since I HAVE read the material at SOME point.

ADVENTURES OF BARRY WEEN BOY GENIUS MONKEY TALES VOL 3 TP
BATMAN COLLECTED TP
BTVS PAST LIVES TP
COMICS JOURNAL #239
COMPLETE PALESTINE TP
CROSSGEN ILLUSTRATED SC
DAVE MCKEANS PICTURES THAT TICK
EAGLE VOL 4 TP
FAIR SKINNED BEAUTY VOL 1 GN
FANGORIA #209
FEMME FATALES VOLUME 10 #6
GOKU MIDNIGHT EYE GN #2
GREEN LANTERN TRAITOR TP
GUNDAM WING VOL 2 BLIND TARGET TP
JOAN GN #3
JSA POWERGIRL ACTION FIGURE
JSA WILDCAT ACTION FIGURE
LOUIS ARMSTRONG GN
OFFERED GN #2
PLASTIC MAN ARCHIVES VOL 3 HC
POWERS SCRIPTBOOK
RAZMATAZ GN
REDMOON GN #2
SAILOR MOON STARS VOL 3 PKT GN
SAILOR MOON VOL 11 PKT GN
SARAI VOL 1 GN #5
SEXUS GN
TANGO WITH DEATH GN
THUNDERBOLTS JUSTICE LIKE LIGHTNING TP
W THE WHORE GN
WIZARD THE COMICS MAGAZINE #124
WOUNDED MAN GN #2

This Week’s TPB recommendation is: The hardest choice I think I’ve ever had to make. Even discounting such obviously good work as Barry Ween, or the Plas Archives or Palestine or Eagle (holy Christ, there’s a huge pile of excellent work!), I’m still trying to figure out which of my other choices I liked the best. Bries brings us TWO superb GNs this week (Tango With Death and Louis Armstrong), either one of which would be a shoo-in in any other week. But I think I have to (JUST BARELY) give the nod to my ringer this week (it came in TODAY, not on Wednesday): Dave McKean’s Pictures That Tick. Are you sure I can’t make SEVEN TPB recommendations? No? Damn you!

Average Rating for the Week: 35 books "reviewed" for an average rating of 3.46 (out of a possible 7.00). If I counted the SEVEN "excellent" TPBs, it would have been a much more respectful 4.05

Pick of the Week: Go back to the TPB section... but if not those, then it must go to War Story: Screaming Eagles

Pick of the Weak: Nightside #2. Horrible, shameful and utterly cliché ridden.