The Savage Critic: July
27th 2003
By Brian
Hibbs
Welcome back, my friends, to the show
that never ends.
Right.
Sorry I’m late.
(Super-late, in fact.)
But, I just got back from MTV’s
Beachhouse.
Er, no, wait, that’s not right. Actually,
it was more like MTV’s Christian Beachhouse – there were portraits
of Jesus in most every room, and stacks of bibles everywhere (what possible
use could one have for more than one bible per room?!?) – except for
it not having to do anything with MTV.
Tzipora and myself, my mom and her
husband and his three kids, all were in Cambria for a four-day weekend,
in a pretty amazing house on the beach. Well, ok, not exactly “beach”
more like “rocks where ocean goes”, but still, it was pretty damn cool.
The place sat over the ocean, was about 5 times the size of my store,
had a big-screen projection TV and a hot tub, etc., etc.
We had a blast.
The idea was that I’d be able to file
the Critic on the road – that’s what the internet and laptops
are for, right? Except, when we got to the place, it turns out that
only super-local calls were allowed on the phones – I had gotten
805 area code connection numbers, but this phone went so far as to limit
us to certain exchanges (which is kinda nuts, when you think
about it), and none of the SBC connection numbers were in those exchanges.
Ah well, no biggie, right? There’s
an internet café in “downtown” Cambria, I can just use that, right? But mom’s laptop decided
I was the devil and wouldn’t let me type more than 50 or so characters
in a line. Mom kept insisting that I must be hitting the CTRL key while
typing, because I have big hands and I wasn’t used to the small keyboard,
which might have made sense except I showed her my wrists were up in
the air, and none of my fingers were brushing keys they shouldn’t.
Well, no huge problem there – I thought
ahead to even that possibility and brought my Alpha Smart! Except that,
for some reason, the “send” button decided to stop working.....
So, I took this as a sign from Jesus
(we were in his beachhouse after all!) that I wasn’t going to
be filling the Critic from the road.
Only problem was I promised I would
right one this week, so here I am on Tuesday, trying desperately to
get this done so Jeff might be able to post it on Wednesday before the
next batch of new comics comes rolling along.
Joy.
Thank god that it was a small week!
BATMAN #617: I’m usually pretty good
about figuring out twists, but, no, I didn’t see that one coming at
all. I also don’t really see how it could be, but as long as
Loeb can come up with a really good explanation next issue, then that
might have been the greatest twist of the last decade, at least. Otherwise,
it’s the most cheap and manipulative idea, ever. Guess we’ll find out
in 30! For the moment: Very Good.
BATMAN SUPERMAN WONDER WOMAN TRINITY
#2: Liked this tons better than #1 – though I’m a little disappointed
that this is more about a reasonably standard comic book story than
the Trinity bits Matt described to me gleefully in a hotel room some
time ago (“Two are orphans, one is not; two are soldiers, one is not”
– he did that for, it seemed, 20 or so different comparisons) – still,
I love Matt’s stuff, and it’s lots of fun for what it is, so Very
Good.
BEWARE THE CREEPER #4: Top notch stuff,
which I get the sense is selling far less than it should, and probably
won’t make it into paperback, if the ICV2 numbers are accurate, which
is a real shame, because this is a real civilian-friendly book that
would live well in bookstores. Well, civ-friendly historical fiction
tends to languish at Vertigo, unfortunately – look at the widely underrated
Chiaroscuro from a few years back, that would do great in bookstores,
don’t you think? Anyway, I like it, and say Good
BORN #2: At least there was just a
single narrative line this issue; and whatever that supernatural bit
at the end of #1 was doesn’t rear its head for a second – but how much
you’ll like this depends on how much you want to read “war is hell”,
and I kinda don’t. The execution was great, but this is not what I throw
my money down for. OK
BRIT #1: I don’t know that I’d want
to read more adventures of this character, but this first bit was pretty
decent. However, for $6 and prestige format, I damn well expect color
in my funny books. B&W prestige seems wrong on most levels. OK
CATWOMAN #21: Really liked this issue
– nice to see the DCU being used to good advantage, and I’ve always
thought Captain Cold had the best/stupidest villain costume in comics,
so it’s all good. Very Good.
EMPIRE #1: My only real problem here
was that Golgotha’s execution of the guy’s family didn’t really make
any sense – unless he’s trying to create a rebel. Scaring him
would have been more efficient and gotten him what he wanted, and maybe
even made the guy grateful for leniency. Not that G seems to care, and
not that I think that character will pose any real threat, but I couldn’t
fathom that motivation and made me think “there’s a fine line between
evil and stupid”; I also think the staging of the flashback to Endy-whatevers
body could have been clearer because as it is it probably isn’t comprehensible
if you haven’t read “#0”, which kinda negates the point of a flashback...
but, besides that, I really really liked this, and I want to know what
happens next. Very Good.
FANTASTIC FOUR #501 (#72): Again, purely
a timing thing, I think “Franklin swears” is a much less effective cliff-hanger than
“We have to kill Adolph Hitler as a child!!!!” (leaving aside that FF
pretty much already did that one once under Byrne) – but other
than that, this was really terrific and points out the absolute folly
and stupidity of taking Mark from the book. Very Good.
FLASH #200: What a... curious wrap
up. I really liked it, but that was, perhaps the last thing I expected
to finish this arc up. I’m a little troubled by the appearance of Saint
Barry, and his promise for more someday, but there is a stated limit,
so maybe that’s not the complete Pandora’s box it might otherwise be.
But I’m not sure what to think of the Monkey Paw ending – I wonder how
much of a “bold new direction” this can really provide given that, one
assumes, that Wally figures it out in an issue, maybe two; further,
doesn’t this retroactive mind-wipe have the exact same effect as time
travel? This has to mean that Iris doesn’t know Barry is the Flash and
doesn’t write the book which means there’s a chunk of issues that “never
happened” just on the most surface example. Dunno. Anyway, it was well
done, and I liked it, but the ending just left me feeling kinda meh.
So a this-isn’t-as-bad-as-it-sounds OK
GLOBAL FREQUENCY #10: I found this
issue to be very dull, with very ugly art. Sorry. I think this marks
my first outright pan of the week: Eh
GREEN LANTERN #167: Lessee... I read
it... I know I did. But that was a week ago tonight, and I’ve completely
forgotten it. Good? Bad? I have no frickin’ clue. Incomplete.
HELLBLAZER #186: I’m either warming
to Carey’s run here, or he’s telling more kinds of stories I want to
read. This seemed like good John, so a solid Good from me.
JLA #83: I’m really, really disliking
JLA these days – not only have we begun to drift away from the “big
guns” (Major Disaster in the League? Come on!), but these aren’t even
gripping stories. This is my true pan for the week: Awful.
LEGION #22: This whole arc has seemed
a bit padded, bloated, or otherwise disjointed, but I’m still liking
it.... Call it OK
LOSERS #2: Generally we can talk about
how certain “genres” are really really tricky to pull off in comics
because the beats are so different when you have words AND pictures
– horror springs right to mind... I can’t think of more than a bare
handful of times I was “scared” from a horror comic – and the other
one is “action /adventure”. No, really, stop snickering. When was the
last time you read a comic that worked “as well” as a James Bond adventure
sequence? It’s damn damn hard to do. Since, at least I think, “Capers”
are a subset of that “genre”, I’ll say it isn’t working here, either
– things drag when they should pop, and fly by too fast when they should
be tense. It’s well done, it’s earnest, and, did I mention? it’s well
done... but I still don’t like the execution here. This is a better
screenplay, or maybe TV show, than it is a comic. OK
RED #1: Very well done, yes, but I’d
felt like I had read a lot of it before. OK
SAVAGE DRAGON #109: Is it just me or
is the Dragon pretty much incomprehensible these days? Just strolling
along from one improbable fight scene to another with no real point
or reason? Eh.
SILVER SURFER #1: There are two comics
that Everyone Wants, but No One Will Buy – comics that get multiple
requests nearly every week from Civilians, but when they actually pick
one up, it doesn’t EVEN COME CLOSE to what they remember. Those comics
are the Surfer and Dr. Strange. Even when you hand them
old original Surfers or Strange, what they’re looking
for is the issue they read in Lucien’s library, if you follow me. All
of those people will really and truly despise this comic. The Surfer
ain’t in it, and even when he is, he’s not “The Silver Surfer”; on the
other hand, if you can get past that, this didn’t suck. The storytelling
is nice enough, the writing is solid... it just shouldn’t be called
“Silver Surfer”. I didn’t feel my time had been wasted, but I can’t
see but half of the audience coming back by #3... A solid OK
SPECTACULAR SPIDER-MAN #2: I read it
and I read it and I keep thinking “Who cares? Why did anyone like Venom
in the first place, and would they actually like THIS?” Eh
SWEATSHOP #4: The biggest mistake of
all was making this monthly – it’s utterly tiring to read shtick month-after-month,
to the point that even funny stuff becomes very not funny. Eh
THOR VIKINGS #1: Mixed feelings here:
I was basically enjoying the over-the-top violence and zombie Viking
story... until Thor appeared. Then it was “Uh... who is the poofter?”
Eh.
ULTIMATES #11: Is it the bi-monthly
schedule that has caused me to just about completely lose interest?
No, I think it’s the lack of suspense, or any new ideas, or really anything
other than pretty pictures in this second arc. Under any other artist,
I’d be tempted to call this “Awful” because of the MASSIVE LET DOWN
after that first arc, but Hitch alone can elevate this to OK
For
Sake of Completeness, here’s a list of all of the OTHER comics that
CE got in this week, that I did NOT read (and, therefore, am unlikely
to review!). Note, that in most cases this is limited to 1) Manga, which
I try to read as it is collected; 2) “Kids” comics like most of the
Archies; 3) titles that were subs-only, either by design or accident
[this can include being shorted by Diamond as well]; 4) Porno [oh, like
you need me to REVIEW it!], 5) Things that looked SO bad on the racks
that I didn’t bother, and 6) stuff that I’ve assessed before, and I
care so little about that I don’t want to waste my time reading anymore.
You decide which is which. There’s also the occasional “whoops we forgot
it!” in here as well...
A
G SUPER EROTIC ANTHOLOGY #7
CSI
CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION THICKER THAN BLOOD
DEMI THE DEMONESS #7
DUNGEON #7
GI JOE FRONTLINE #10
HEIRS OF ETERNITY #3
I WAS A SUPER HERO SURVIVOR
KISSING CHAOS 1000 WORDS ONE SHOT
MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE VOL 2#5
SOUL OF A SAMURAI #2
STAR WARS REPUBLIC #56
TAROT WITCH OF THE BLACK ROSE#21
TOMB RAIDER EPIPHANY
TRANSFORMERS GENERATION ONE VOL 2 #4
TRANSFORMERS MORE THAN MEETS EYE OFFICIAL GUIDE #4
VAMPIRELLA WITCHBLADE #1 REG CVR
VOLTRON DEFENDER OF THE UNIVERSE #3
WEAPON X #11
And,
for even MORE completeness sake, here’s a list of books, TPBs, GNs,
magazines, and other things that CE got this week. I generally haven’t
read any of this by the time I post these reviews. Though I generally
attempt to give at least one recommendation amongst the TPBs each week,
since I HAVE read the material at SOME point.
2000
AD #1347
2000 AD #1348
BATGIRL DEATH WISH TP
BOYS OVER FLOWERS VOL 1 TP HANA YORI DANGO
CINESCAPE SEP 2003
CLASSIC SILVER AGE BATGIRL & JOKER DLX ACTION FIGURE SET
DONALD DUCK ADVENTURES VOL 1
DONT PANIC OFF GUIDE TO HITCHIKERS GUIDE TO GALAXY
EXCEL SAGA VOL 1 TP
EXTRAORDINARY WORKS OF ALAN MOORE TP
FEMME FATALES VOL 12 #4
FORTEAN TIMES #173
GRAPHIC CLASSICS VOL 6 AMBROSE BIERCE
JUDGE DREDD MEGAZINE #208
JUDGE DREDD NECROPOLIS BOOK TWO GN
JUSTICE LEAGUE PARADISE LOST DVD
JUXTAPOZ SEP OCT 2003
KINGDOM COME ACTION FIGURE ASSORTMENT
LOST WORLD TP
MARSHAL LAW FEAR ASYLUM GN
NEAL ADAMS SKETCHBOOK SC NEW PTG
NEIL GAIMAN TELLING TALES CD
NO 5 VOL 2 TP
QUEEN & COUNTRY DECLASSIFIED VOL 1 TP
SLAINE TIME KILLER HC GN
STARLOG #314
SUMMER OF LOVE SC
SUPER-FRIENDS UNITED THEY STAND DVD
SWAMP THING VOLUME 6 REUNION TP
TOMORROW STORIES BOOK 1 TP
TRANSFORMERS WAR WITHIN TP
TUXEDO GIN VOL 1 TP
ULTIMATE X-MEN VOL 6 RETURN OF THE KING TP
WITCHBLADE BLOOD RELATIONS TP
WIZARD COMICS MAGAZINE CVR #0
YUKIKOS SPINACH GN
This Week’s TP recommendation is:
Summer of Love is probably the more important read, but I have
a warm warm feeling in my heart for Marshal Law: Fear Asylum
and the final Alan Moore Swamp
Thing volume. Roll a d3 to
decide which is best. On the other hand, Ultimate X-Men V6 reads
like nonsense in TP – I read it on the Amtrak back from Cambria.
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