The Savage Critic: July 5th, 2001 By Brian Hibbs

Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends.

Comics shipped on Thursday this week, which is always a BIG PAIN IN MY ASS. See, Thursday is "my" shift, which means when there are new comics, I get stuck working like 12 hours. Plus, Susan had a wedding to go to this afternoon, so I ended up running the majority of the day solo.

(Susan, however, looked great in the fabulous new dress she bought for the wedding, just so you all know...)

And, naturally, I nearly begged Larry Young to come drink on Friday, which will mean I won’t get a THING done on Friday... :)

And, of course, "losing" Thursday and Friday means I don’t get any manuscript done – must push hard on Sat. and Sun. to get back on par for words-per-day. The only way that works for ME in writing a piece of long fiction is setting (and KEEPING) a "hard target" of productivity. (I’ve also learned I suck much less when I write the first sentence of the next scene the night before – psychologically, it seems, I have a hard-ass time STARTING each scene... so the trick is to start the next scene right after you finish the last one. Then, the next day you’re starting with SOMEthing.) If only I didn’t commit myself to writing these rinky-dink reviews...

*le sigh*

Of course, the other part of me who sorta likes doing these (but mail, I need MAIL!) decided to be extra loquacious this week. Go figure.

Right, so, let’s get on with it, shall we?

100 BULLETS #26: Hrrrrm. Nice nice nice art... and a still fairly impenetrable story. Once again, an overship that’s not ACTUALLY a good "jumping on point". Which, all things considered, sorta frustrates me more than having no promotion on a book. PLUS, at least a quarter of the dialogue is in French, which I can’t read, though I was able to puzzle through from context. Still, that’s frustrating. Despite the killer art, everything else makes me say "OK"

AFTERLIFE IN GOTHLAND #4: Shea Anton Pensa is one of the craziest SOBs I know. He makes me laugh, and he’s probably about the only guy that I can tolerate lusting after my wife, because he’s just so over-the-top about it. Thing is, I have about as much interest in Goths as I have in, say, Shetland ponies. Also, if I read the letter column right, the end of this issue marks the beginning of the actual story... which makes the first four issues just a smidge pointless. It is amusing, it is well crafted, but the subject matter makes me want to heave, so Awful it gets.

Heh, that reminds me of when I told Garth Ennis last week I was writing a fantasy novel. I mentioned I hadn’t a title yet, and Garth said, "Oh, aye? I think a fantasy book needs two words in the title: ‘Fuck’ and ‘Off’"

AUTHORITY #24: Eeep. Well, now this really FEELS to me to be "marking time". Foo. I wanted to like this. And, ugh, two more issues to go. Eh.

AVENGERS #43: Everything but the kitchen sink. In a certain way, this might fit Warren Ellis’ "Pop comics" concept very well – things fly fast and furious. Thing is, a story needs "quiet moments" too. Otherwise, how do you form attachments with the protagonists? Maybe it is because I read this AFTER this week’s "Our Worlds at War" books, but it gave me the same basic disappointment those did – way too much is happening, and it makes me not care. Eh.

BATGIRL #18: And I don’t care about Batgirl, either. 18 issues later, and she’s still a logline to me: "trained to be an assassin, and now uses her abilities for the side of good." If I don’t CARE, what is the point? Y’know, ESPECIALLY when you have a Robin/Batgirl teamup issue, and there isn’t any real comparison between the two (which might even be interesting... possibly). Eh.

BATMAN GOTHAM ADVENTURES #40: Whatever. The last 6 or so pages became a shambles, and I couldn’t be arsed to care. Eh.

BATMAN LEGENDS OF THE DARK KNIGHT #145: Ugh. Awful, just awful.

BONE #43: Bone is a wonderful, wonderful comic.... that moves at a snail’s pace and comes out far too infrequently. When I read the TPBs, I think "this is nearly one of the best comics being published today", yet any given issue in the last 20 or so hasn’t exactly held my interest. So Very Good, only with a big huge aching "but..." attached to it.

CRUSADES #5: 22 pages of a big guy with a sword hacking people up. For $2.50. And people say comics aren’t a good value! Awful.

DAREDEVIL YELLOW #2: Well-crafted. WONDERFULLY colored. And yet... I don’t think anything has yet been ADDED to the character. Still, I’m a sucker for Tim Sale’s art, and I give it a Good.

DARK HORSE MAVERICK 2001: Fuck yes! Ton of sweet sweet material here. I didn’t necessarily care for it all, but I ADORED enough to make it well worth while. Man, that fucking grendel story is worth the price of admission alone (even if this is like the THIRD time Matt’s redrawn that one scene) – super-fucking-awesome that he can tell a story without panel borders. One word: Excellent.

DEEP FRIED #3: Such a weird book. The cartoonist (forgive me, left the stack of books in the store, and I don’t remember the name) has good pacing, great comedic timing, and comes up with often clever jokes. It’s spiteful, and bitter and mean, and poking "fun" at taboo topics like child molestation. I like its craft. But, "ugly" humor only works for me when there’s some core decency to begin with – like South Park, or Barry Ween – it’s the dichotomy, I guess, that makes the swearing and nasty shit funny. And this book has no core decency. So, I like this, but I also really don’t.

On the other hand, the 3-4 pages of the ongoing serial of "Weapon Brown" (featuring a cybernetic Charlie Brown wandering a post-apocalyptic world) really really works for me. I’d ALMOST say "just do that instead", but then my editor-sense says, "wait, that would get really tired, really fast")

Anyway, this is a book worth paging through on the stands, IF your retailer carries it (which, odds say, they don’t), and see if the humor works for you. Based on craft and skill, I’ll give it a Good, just so you actually think about looking for it on your next trip to the shop. (even if I actually think its just OK)

DESPERADOES: QUIET OF THE GRAVE #3: John Severin draws so little these days that I really really really wanted this to be excellent... and perhaps my own expectations are what is keeping it from being so. Or maybe Quesada was right that many artists lose their chops past a certain age. I don’t really WANT that to be true, but between this, and the lackluster job Kubert did on "Just Imagine..." I fear it might be. On the other hand, Eisner’s two pages in the Maverick annual were great (though, on the other other hand, the full-length Family Matters and Last Days in Vietnam were reasonably poor)

I’m tormented, you see.

So, OK, but damn it I wanted more. Buy it anyway, ‘s fucking JOHN SEVERIN, after all!

EXILES #2: Except that I thought the death and replacement at the end were scrunched in way too fast, I’m growing quite fond of Judd’s alternative reality x-book. Three or four more pages, maybe, or another draft of the script, and this could have been something. Such is the curse of monthly comics.

The blessing is that the premise of ever-changing realities means next issue will be something new – in a way, this is ALSO a good candidate for "Pop Comics"... if it weren’t for needing comics knowledge to really appreciate it all.

One flaw for me: only two issues in, and already "Thunderbird" is wearing on me – I "know" every team needs the requisite hardass character, but you need them to be three-dimensional. ALMOST gets a good, but I can only justify OK.

FANTASTIC FOUR #45: Reasonably self-contained, not in the stupid fucking negative zone anymore. I didn’t buy the ultimate premise, really, so I can only give it an OK... but this felt like a "proper" Fantastic Four issue to me.

FATHOM KILLIANS TIDE #2: Ugh. Brain Hurts. Awful.

GIRL GENIUS #3: Phil Foglio is an unsung cartoonist. He’s really astoundingly good, and no one really every talks about him (perhaps because he’s mostly known for gaming comics and porno), which is a shame.

(Actually, let me digress about the porno for a sec... Foglio does XXXenophile which is a pretty amazing creation – it is hot [or at least as hot as pictorial representations of hotness can get] and it is almost always FUNNY, and even when it is not, it never fails to be sex-positive. Too much porno is simply ugly. Not in a "badly drawn" kind of way, but, yah, in a dehumanizing way. Insert-Tab-A-into-Slot-B. It is a really rare and fine cartoonist that can make what really is a stroke book both affirming and light.)

Thing is, Foglio has always had trouble with long arcs – the joke wears thin after a while. This would have been an excellent two issues. The world is appealing, the character design is good. But almost nothing in this issue really seemed to advance the story. So, eh.

GREEN LANTERN #140: Judd’s Kyle is very nearly becoming an appealing character. Plus, y’know, I just have a soft spot for Alan Scott. The problem is, I didn’t even really twig on "I haven’t recharged the ring in months, and really have no limits on my power" and whatnot until it was explicitly stated in this issue.

That is probably because GL appears in multiple books a month, but still, it hasn’t been an explicit theme until now.

So, I’m scratching my head wondering where this is going – and not in a roller-coaster "WOW!" kind of a way. It may be that in 3 months I look back at this and go "fuck yah!", but for now I can’t say more than OK.

GREEN LANTERN DRAGON LORD #3: No big essay, just "Whatever." And an Eh.

JLA OUR WORLDS AT WAR #1: Let’s call this a joint review of this and Superman #172, if only because they’re both "key" issues, and both written by Jeph Loeb.

Now first off, a huge and hearty "FUCK YOU" for being such a lazy bitch as to structure the story around famous speeches from history. – one issue is built around FDR’s "A Day That Will Live in Infamy" speech, while the other is Lincoln’s Gettysburgh Address.

If this is not lazy writing, I can’t think of what is (Loeb has even done this before in Captain America with the Pledge of Allegiance). And, as a device, it chews massive ass.

Second, this is completely absent of human scale or identification – the core problem with the Superman books since the new teams. "Oh, no, multiple cities have been destroyed!" and you don’t even feel it for a single second. It means nothing. Hundreds of thousands of "people" dead, and that’s basically glossed over in favor of "are Ma and Pa Kent dead?!?!"

Third, the character deaths, or the implied ones.... well, they mean jack + shit in the greater DC universe. I mean, if someone comes up with a brilliant Guy Gardner proposal (hahahaha), I’m sure they’ll resurrect him in a heartbeat.

Not only that but, it is just cheap to kill off characters in a few panels of a larger story – it reads and feels cheap. You want to kill Ma and Pa Kent? I can live with that... but don’t do it between panels, in service of a book you’ve already ANNOUNCED you’re going to be leaving soon. Do it if you have a STORY for it.

Anyway, if I’m not being clear enough, I think these books are Crap.

JOSS WHEDONS FRAY #2: And Joss can actually write. I don’t give a fuck about Buffy. And it is a book about a Vampire Slayer, but yet it completely worked for me. Very good.

JSA SECRET FILES #2: I like the JSA (hey, I have a set of Matt Wagner sketches of the JSA up on the store’s wall). This isn’t REALLY much better than average super-hero comics, but, like I said, I like the JSA. This has enough JSA continuity that if you’re getting the monthly, you really need to buy this. I do, and I did, and yeah, I like the JSA. Good.

JUST IMAGINE STAN LEE WITH JOE KUBERT CREATING BATMAN: And just imagine if it was actually readable. Too bad, you’ll HAVE to imagine that. Because, man, did this suck. Worst part is... it is probably unfixable. I mean, editing Stan into something readable would... well, make it not STAN, right? Stan is all about style – not talent or skill. Yet, that style is wooden and hopeless and just awful. Fuck, the man even used "and now it begins!"

Once upon a time I used to joke that the series "What If...?" could be changed to be called "Who Cares If...?" ("Who Cares If.... the Falcon bought a winning lottery ticket?") – we could easily renew that joke for this. Who Cares If Stan Lee Created Batman? I sure as fuck don’t.

About the only half-way interesting thing in the whole package was the Michael Kaluta backup story.... and that’s only because it was wordless.

Make no mistake, this was a huge steaming piece of shit that they had the AUDACITY to charge $6 for. The only upside is that, hopefully, Stan will make a big enough pile of cash from the 12 issues of this and be able to retire. AND NEVER HAVE TO INFLICT HIS WOODEN WRITING STYLE UPON US AGAIN. Crap!

LONE GUNMEN: I watched one episode of the show (not an X-Filer, either), and went "wrong tone", and decided to never watch it again. This comic, though, I thought set the right tone. I liked the premise, I liked the art, I thought the writing was clever enough (though that "dumb guy" character [unnamed in the script?] seemed superfluous) – so, surprise to me, too, Good.

MISPLACED #1: Huh. That was kinda cute. Chick-from-the-future/alternative-reality-comes-to-our-time-and-hooks-up-with-slackers would be the logline. Crisp writing, nice art, maybe not-completely-ready-for-prime-time, and the cover choice was incredibly wrong, but something you should take a look at on the racks, if your story carried it. Good.

ONI PRESS COLOR SP 2001: The Powers story alone is almost enough to make this my pick of the week. It is not merely funny, nor even laugh-out-loud funny – but all the way to piss-your-pants funny. (which, of course, now that I’ve said that, it raises your expectations so high that you’ll read it and go, "well, it wasn’t THAT good") Holy fuck did this take some great shots – Bendis even had the stones to rip his OWN writing style apart for comedy’s sake. That raises Bendis 9 points in Hibbs’ BigBadScorebook™;. He ran out of steam, though – and it makes me think, even more, what a superb writer he could be if his workload was cut in half. The rest of the material in the issue... was fine. Nothing really stood out... in fact, the Queen and Country story really encapsulated it for me. I felt like I had just watched Empire Strikes Back, but I hadn’t seen Star Wars or Jedi. "All middle". Right, but still, the Powers story was aces, making this an Excellent no matter what.

"Wait, you’re not going to try and blow me, are you?"

"What? No. You’re thinking of the Aerialist."

OPPOSABLE THUMBS VOL 1: I’d give this Dean Haspiel comic an unabashed recommendation if it wasn’t $4.95. But it is, and so I have to give it a tentative thumbs up. I basically liked every single story in this comic, but at least one of them (the one about the war with his roommate where they rub their asses on each others bedsheets) was a reprint from somewhere else, so maybe they ALL are, in which case, this becomes a worse deal. That’s all financial though – I really DID like every story, even if I don’t think I’d invite Haspiel to stay at my house. Heh. Very good.

RADIOACTIVE MAN #136: Funny thing is the fake letter’s page had it right – the framing device doesn’t work. And the story is more pedestrian than commenting on comics from a period. And the art is a little stiff. Not sure if it is DeCarlo, or if it is the layouts, or the inking. I liked the last one a lot, but this is Eh.

SAVAGE DRAGON #86: Pretty experimental in art choices (super-black Miller-esque style in the first 10 pages, then open airy, almost European style in the back half). It depends too much on exposition, but it was done-in-one, and I like his experimentation. OK.

SCARY GODMOTHER #2: I’m unexcited about this in Black and White. I like Jill’s work a TON, but SG should just be in color. Fun quirky story, very Jillish. But, still, only OK.

SPAWN THE DARK AGES #26: Eh.

SPECTRE #7: Gr, metaphysical clap-trap. Even with the nice art, it is Awful.

STATIC SHOCK REBIRTH OF THE COOL #4: Blech. Three months late. Milestone was NEVER late. Fuck. I liked it... actually I really miss Milestone, if truth be told... but far too long between issues to give a fuck. Eh.

SUPERMAN #172: See the JLA: OWAW review. Crap.

THOR #39: Really really nice art. Really really bad story. Awful.

TONY DIGEROLAMOS THE FIX #1: Vampire car. Mhm. But, uh, why the fuck should I care that Tony Digerolamo owns this? (Name)’s (Title) is just fucking ego-boo. And the comic wasn’t even any good. Awful.

ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN #11: Eh. I liked part one better.

WAITING PLACE VOL 2 #9: It is around page 20 that I start to get into it – like wearing a shoe that you haven’t worn in a while. It is a nice shoe. A very nice shoe, even, but 22 pages isn’t anywhere near enough. Slow and quiet isn’t worth $2.95, and "perceived value" is always a big criteria. OK.

WILDCATS VOL 2 #25: OK.

WITCH #1: Scottish woman cartoonist – stupidly didn’t write her name down, because I knew I’d want it when I wrote this thing. I’ve seen her work before, usually in British anthologies, I think, but I’ve always found her work charming. This is a crap review, but I’m tired, and I want to get the column fucking done, but here’s another Good, to get you to look at it on the shelves of your local shop (if--repeat after me--they ordered it!)

YOUNG JUSTICE #35: Eh. Alphabetically the last book to review, and bite me if you think I’ve gotten too terse here at the end!

For Sake of Completeness, here’s a list of all of the OTHER comics that CE got in this week, that I did NOT read (and, therefore, am unlikely to review!). Note that in most cases this is limited to 1) Manga, which I try to read as it is collected; 2) "Kids" comics like most of the Archies; 3) titles that were subs-only, either by design or accident; 4) Porno [oh, like you need me to REVIEW it!], and 5) Things that looked SO bad on the racks that I didn’t bother.

BAZOOKA JULES #2
BETTY & VERONICA SPECTACULAR #49
DAHLIA VAMPIRE #2
DIRTY PAIR SIM HELL REMASTERED #3
FIRST #9
FUTABAKUN CHANGE VOL 6 #5
IMMORAL ANGEL #17
KREEKY PLAYGROUND #2
LOONEY TUNES #80
MAD SCIENCE #1
MANGAZINE #22
MARTIAN MANHUNTER #34
MELODY ON STAGE MELODY VOL 2 #1
MYSTIC #14
POISON ELVES LUSIPHUR & LIRILITH #3
PUNCTURE #2
SABRINA VOL 2 #21
SOULSEARCHERS #48
SUPER MANGA BLAST #13
TICK COLOR #3
VAMPIRE PRINCESS YUI VOL 2 #5
WARRIOR NUN AREALA GHOSTS OF THE PAST #3
XENOS ARROW BOOK 2 #3

And, for even MORE completeness sake, here’s a list of books, TPBs, GNs, and magazines that CE got this week. I generally haven’t read any of this by the time I post these reviews. Though I generally attempt to give at least one recommendation amongst the TPBs each week, since I HAVE read the material at SOME point.

2000 AD #1244
2000 AD #1245
CINEFANTASTIQUE VOLUME 33 #3
CINEFEX #86
FANBOY TP
FORTEAN TIMES #148
G FAN #51
GRIN AND BARE IT #1
HEAVY METAL SUMMER 2001 SPECIAL
HOW TO DRAW ROBOTS SC
HR GIGER 2002 WALL CALENDAR
JACK KIRBYS FOURTH WORLD TP
MAD MAGAZINE #408
NEIL GAIMANS AMERICAN GODS HC
PRINCESS OF DARKNESS TP
SAILOR MOON VOL 10 PKT MIXX TP
SILVER AGE FLASH DELUXE ACTION FIGURE SET
STARLOG #289
STEAM DETECTIVES VOL 4 TP
STEAMPUNK MANIMATRON TP
STRAY BULLETS VOL 5 TP
ULTIMATE X-MEN TP
UNDERWORLD VOL 4 DUH TP
VILLIKON CHRONICLES #1
VOX #3
WAKE VOL 2 PRIVATE COLLECTION

This Week’s TPB recommendation is: What I hate is the whole "feast or famine" thing – last 2 or 3 weeks there have been multiple TPBs to recommend, and this week, it’s a Lesser of Two Evils kind of thing. Not that this week’s rec is BAD or anything, but, me personally? Go forth and read Stray Bullets V5, unless you’re like me, when you’re waiting for the upcoming HC that’s much larger, and has different contents than the same numbered SC. If you will permit a slightly flawed analogy, the Stray Bullets SCs are like videos, and the HCs are like DVDs. Or something. Either way, it is good stuff.

Average Rating for the Week: 3.59 (of 7.00) Good week.

Pick of the Week: I really really liked the Powers story in the Oni Color Special, but I have to give the "complete package" nod to Dark Horse Maverick 2001

Pick of the Weak: Three choices this week (Superman, JLA: OWAW, and our winner), but the nod goes, sadly, to Just Imagine Stan Lee With Joe Kubert Creating Batman because it used the phrase "And now it begins!" Shame, SHAME on you!

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