The Savage Critic: April 24th, 2002 By Brian Hibbs

Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends.

Call me bubble boy. I get this weird condition when I get majorly stressed – little bubbles appear on my hands. They itch like hell, and my first instinct is to try and pop them. It didn’t help the last time it happened though. Once they’re drained (it’s clear, and to me resembles nothing more than the liquid that comes when you have a cut), the skin begins to peel, but the next generation of bubbles is already coming up under the new skin.

It’s not an infection or anything like that (two different dermatologists tried putting me on antibiotics last time, which did nothing but make my stomach churn), but it drives me nuts with the itching.

The first time it happen was when Origin removed all of the volunteers from its "Seer" program for Ultima Online (I was the head "seer" for the "shard" I was playing on – basically the lead fiction creator for a team of 12, and for thousands of players) – that was a lot of internal stress for me. I know the cause this time, too, though I can’t talk about it for another week or two. You’ll scream when you hear what it is, honestly.

I’m going to try hard to just ignore it this time through – see what they do on their own if I just ignore them. It’s going to be a much longer haul this time before I "get over it" though.

I swear that dermatology sucks – I went to the supposedly "best" guy in SF, but he makes all of his bread off Botox shots these days, and I got the impression this was low on his priority list.

I suppose it’s better than an ulcer or something, though.

Not even sure why I’m mentioning it, other than a pain shared is a pain diminished, but if I seem distracted, that might be the reason why.

There’s a god-damn LOT of comics and trades this week, and yet there was very little that shivered my timbers, if you know what I mean. On with the show....

ACTION COMICS #790: I didn’t hate this as much as usual – which is weird, considering how much I both detest the ongoing Superman plots AND Guy Gardner. But Joe Kelly came up with a novel enough way to bring Guy back from his "death" in Our Worlds at War. Still, given how fast it happened, you really have to wonder why they bothered killing him in the first place. OK

AMERICAN CENTURY #14: New story arc, and the premise and storytelling seemed a lot clearer to me this time out. It might be because now they’re out of America and so maybe not every character has to have the same hair-cut. The series suffers far too much from coincidence-in-general to move it along (I tend to think conflict should come from character, rather than situation, but that’s me), but this was a promising opening chapter. Good

ATHENA INC #1: I really should have known it from the preview, but this isn’t really comics. I mean, it has words AND pictures, but they don’t seem to fit together all that well. Nice to see Anceleto drawing almost anything, I guess, but I find the writing tortured and confusing – series of IMs between characters that I don’t think have been properly introduced yet. Yikes, not for me. OK, but that’s ONLY for the art.

AVENGERS #53: A mere two weeks after the last issue, and it’s just more-of-the-same over-the-top super hero nonsense. Foo. Awful

AVENGERS ICONS TIGRA #2: I can’t believe how much this sucks. I mean, that first page alone made me want to scream: "So, I got accepted to the Police academy under a false name..." WHAT? Nice art, but the story is so utterly contrived that can’t do a thing to salvage it for this reader. Crap

BASTARD SAMURAI #1: Oeming in a good artist, and a good story-teller, but I was left cold by the story itself. Not actually bad, it’s just kinda "there". Eh

BATMAN #602: Saw the Big Reveal coming by page 8. When I see stuff coming before Batman, you know it’s not that great. OK

BATMAN DEATHBLOW AFTER THE FIRE #2: God damn gorgeous art. Average-ish story. For $6 a throw, I can’t muster more than OK

BATMAN GOTHAM ADVENTURES #49: Cute enough story, I suppose, though the kid at the end seemed a little non-plussed by the whole thing. OK

BLADE #2: Better than #1, but there wasn’t enough inbetween the covers to distinguish between the various vampire races. Plus their languages seem like so much random typing on the keyboard – it’s not that they don’t "scan" correctly, it’s that they "sound" too, oh, I dunno, "ooga-booga", if that makes sense? Eh

BONEYARD #6: Pretty charming stuff. Good

CAPTAIN AMERICA #1: John Cassaday is one of the best artists working today. Just look how BEAUTIFUL that art is. The story is a nice enough response to 9/11... but I don’t really want to read about that for pleasure, y’know? Hopefully by #3 they’ll be doing something else, and I can tell you whether I actually like it or not. Good

CATWOMAN #6: This was great. I especially liked the "junkie-vision" sequences. Brube probably shouldn’t be writing actual spandex stuff – this type of "true crime" works much better for him. Very good.

CEREBUS #277: Too much biblical-style text. Couldn’t even read it. Awful.

CODENAME KNOCKOUT #12: Phil Jimenez jumps in to illustrate this (mostly) Go-Go story. Though, I have to say, visually the character looks very different than his previous 12 appearances... OK

COURTNEY CRUMRIN & THE NIGHT THINGS #2: Nice little "be careful what you wish for" story. Won’t win any awards, but it was clean and fun enough. OK

DEADPOOL #66: The set-up was funny, I guess, but I don’t think it makes sense in Marvel continuity? If I recall correctly (and I may not), the Rhino’s suit is mechanical, isn’t it? If so, then trying to get his horn doesn’t make much sense at all. Eh

ELEKTRA #9: What, she’s developing a conscience NOW? That’s pretty left field, if you ask me. Eh

FELON #4: The change to B&W was a little jarring, but this was a good solid crime story. OK

FLASH #185: The middle of a storyline, so not much to say than "yeah, this is consistently one of the best spandex books out there". Really, this is how a solo hero book should be done. Very good.

GREEN LANTERN LEGACY HC: $25 for that? Yikes. Way to kill the OGN, DC! I’ve often opined I could come up with 6 ways to bring back the Corps without thinking too hard. Apparently this is method #7. If you REALLY want to know how, wait for the SC, but even that will probably be $5 too expensive for the content. Awful

HOWARD THE DUCK #4: Hahahahahahahahaha. Yeah, that was a funny and brutal parody of the Vertigo books. Some of it went on a little too long. Maybe, but it was definitely a score all the way through. Very good.

IRON MAN #54: The new Mandarin stuff was somewhat interesting, but the Iron Man bits were incredibly boring to me. Ah well. Awful

JIST WITH SCOTT MCDANIEL CREATING AQUAMAN: After the last one I was kinda thinking made Stan’d found his groove. Oh no no no. Back to sub-par, utterly unappealing content. *sigh* Awful

JLA #65: Liked it a lot. While it doesn’t really fit in with the, shall we say, "real" Plas (via the Archives), the idea that he’s utterly insecure and still somewhat "criminal" worked well for me. That "I’m disappointed" scene with Bats was worth the price of admission, and, in 22 pages, Joe made me like the "modern" Plas as a fully developed character. Very good.

KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE #66: Funny, as usual, but mostly filled with "retro" strips rather than any new content. Good.

LEGION #7: What charms this had is starting to wear off on me again. Nice cover. OK

MARVEL KNIGHTS VOL 2 #2: Owch. That was... incredibly crappy. How are these the same characters appearing in other books? Crap

ORDER #3: Here’s as good of a place as any to say, yet again, "holy jesus, mother mary, I loath the mixed case lettering on Marvel books" Really I do. Almost half this week’s books had it, and I think we’re going to end up with every book being lettered like that soon. *shudder* Otherwise, this was fine, I guess – I think going to six issues is probably stretching the story 2 issues too many, but I’m not an editor, am I? OK

ORION #25: Great ending to the whole saga. Puts things back nicely for others to play with, yet it also seemed true to Jack’s ideas and moved some things forward. This is HIGH PRAISE coming from me – I really hate the 4^th world guys. Good

OUT THERE #10: It still feels like "Buffy-lite" to me (not that I’ve ever watched Buffy, but you know what I mean), but I liked this issue quite a bit. Couldn’t tell you specifically why (yes, I suck as a reviewer), but it worked for me more than the preceeding 9. Good.

PARADISE X #2: I can’t read this any more, really I can’t. Earth X was great, and they should have stopped while they were ahead. Eh.

RUSE #7: Felt more like a Pink Panther movie than a Holmes-esque tale. Eh.

SAVAGE DRAGON #96: Erik does what Erik does. Solid, but unremarkable. I enjoy the letter’s page and the back up strips most of all each issue. OK

SPIDER-MAN TANGLED WEB #13 DOUBLE SHOTS: I officially think Ron Zimmerman is a name to be avoided. He’s a writer for Howard Stern or something? Can you honestly tell me his stuff would have been published if it WASN’T for that connection? Yah, I thought so. Awful

SPIDER-MAN THE MOVIE ADAPTATION: Is there a point in getting Stan to write this, if it doesn’t have ANY Stanisms in it at all? Nice art by Davis, but if this is the script, then the movie succeeds or fails on the Spidey CGI. Eh.

STAR WARS EPISODE II ATTACK O/T CLONES #1

STAR WARS EPISODE II ATTACK O/T CLONES #2: I honestly don’t know why I read this TWO WEEKS before the move comes out. Maybe I’ll forget it all by then. It seems solid enough, but rather long and convoluted and filled with politics and romance. Sure, there are ass-kickings and what not, but if this is the script, I can’t see this appealing to kids, as per Warren Ellis’ "Star Wars is for Children" premise. Odd choice of narrative captions in this adaptation, too. Slows the story down rather than adding depth or clarity. Eh

SUPERBOY #99: Not like it is much of a surprise, but the "World without Young Justice" storyline was a bad mistake. Awful

THUNDERBOLTS #63: "Am I a cheap slut or aren’t I?" Pass. Eh

WOLVERINE #175: Like I believe that denouement for even ONE second. As IF. Killing that little girl was wrong, too. Why not stuff her in a freezer while you’re at it? Depressing nihilistic comic. Crap.

WOLVERINE HULK #3: Doesn’t make that much sense, but it sure looks nice. OK

WONDER WOMAN #180: Jimenez is a great artist, but as a writer, he’s not much above Perez. Especially when he’s not drawing it himself. 22 pages mostly of origins – seems a bit pointless when you suspect it will all end up as a big fight scene. Eh

X-MEN UNLIMITED #35: Several unmemorable stories. Eh

For Sake of Completeness, here’s a list of all of the OTHER comics that CE got in this week, that I did NOT read (and, therefore, am unlikely to review!). Note, that in most cases this is limited to 1) Manga, which I try to read as it is collected; 2) "Kids" comics like most of the Archies; 3) titles that were subs-only, either by design or accident; 4) Porno [oh, like you need me to REVIEW it!], 5) Things that looked SO bad on the racks that I didn’t bother, and 6) stuff that I’ve assessed before, and I care so little about that I don’t want to waste my time reading anymore. You decide which is which.

ALRAUNE #4
ARCHIE #522
ARCHIE DIGEST #189
BANISHED KNIGHTS #3
CERES CELESTIAL LEGEND PART 2#5
DEXTERS LABORATORY #29
DOUBLE TAKE #2
FRAYED ENDS #1
GENE FUSION 2310 AD #1
HEAD OF THE CLASS
INCAL #8
INU YASHA PART 6 #12|
KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE ILLUSTRATED #12
LADY DEATH CHASTITY BAD KITTYUNITED #1
MERIDIAN #23
ODDBALLZ #1
PATH #2
PURGATORI GOD HUNTER #2
SAVAGE PLANET #1
TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES #3
TOMB RAIDER #21
TRANSFORMERS PX PREVIEW BOOK #1
UNIVERSE #7
VAMPIRELLA #8
VERONICA #126
WARLANDS AGE OF ICE #1/2
X-MEN EVOLUTION #6

And, for even MORE completeness sake, here’s a list of books, TPBs, GNs, magazines, and other things that CE got this week. I generally haven’t read any of this by the time I post these reviews. Though I generally attempt to give at least one recommendation amongst the TPBs each week, since I HAVE read the material at SOME point.

1001 NIGHTS OF SCHEHERAZADE SC
ANIMERICA MAY 2002 VOL 10 #5
ASTRO BOY VOL 2 TP
ATOMIC CITY TALES VOL 1 GO POWER TP
B KRIGSTEIN HC
BATMAN & MR FREEZE SUBZERO MOVIE DVD
BATMAN ANIMATED THE LEGEND BEGINS DVD
BATMAN BEYOND RETURN OF THE JOKER UNCUT DVD
BATMAN IN THE FIFTIES TP
BATMAN SUPERMAN MOVIE DVD
COMIC BOOK MARKETPLACE #90
DANCE TILL TOMORROW VOL 5 TP
EDGE #1
FANGORIA #212
FEMME FATALES VOLUME 11 #5/6
FIGHTING FORCES SGT ROCK ACTION FIGURE
ILLUSTRATION MAGAZINE #2
JUSTICE LEAGUE ANIMATED MARTIAN MANHUNTER MAQUETTE
JUSTICE LEAGUE SERIES PREMIERE DVD
KING VOL 2 TP
LONE WOLF & CUB VOL 20 A TASTE OF POISON TP
OBERGEIST DIRECTORS CUT TP
PREVIEWS VOL XII #5
PRINCE VALIANT VOL 44 KARAK THE GIANT
SARAI VOL 1 GN #7
SGT ROCK ARCHIVES VOL 1 HC
SHEILAS DIARY VOL 3 GN
SPACE GHOST LITE UP FIST ACTION FIGURE
SPIDER-MAN MOVIE SOUVENIR MAGAZINE PX COLLECTORS ED
SPIDER-MAN THE MOVIE TP
STAR TREK MAGAZINE #37
STAR WARS EPISODE II ATTACK OF THE CLONES TP
STAR WARS JEDI VS SITH TP
STARLOG MOVIE MAGIC PRESENTS SPIDERMAN
TOO MUCH COFFEE MAN MAGAZINE #14
TRIBULATION FORCE VOL 1 GN
TRUE FACTS TP
ULTIMATE X-MEN VOL 2 WEAPON XTP
UNION JACK TP
WAKE VOL 3 GEARING UP
WIZARD THE COMICS MAGAZINE #129

This Week’s TPB recommendation is: Kinda an iffy week. I think we go with Lone Wolf v20, which was really fucking twisted. (that "I’m thirsty" scene in particular), though the Sgt Rock Archives is very tempting...

Average Rating for the Week: 43 (!) books "reviewed" for an average rating of 3.53 (out of a possible 7.00)

Pick of the Week: Like I said, it went on a bit long for some of the parodies, but Howard the Duck #4 made me cackle hard. Good job!

Pick of the Weak: The set up and conclusion were both SO terrible, I have to give it to Tigra #2. You could do a Mystery Science Theatre with this one soooo easily! Shame on you!