The Savage Critic: February
26th 2003
By Jeff Lester
Welcome back, my friends, to the show
that never ends. Jeff, here, and I guess I’m writing the whole thing:
I worked with Brian on Friday and he was already getting fried-brain
syndrome—we had talked about him sending me his Pick of the Week/Pick
of the Weak today, but it looks like he didn’t get around to it. God
only knows what we’re going to do next week since I have nothing like
Hibbs’ stamina when it comes to reading so many comics in a short period
of time. (I’m pretty much going on a three day drinking spree as soon
as I post this).
So, you know, hooray for A.K.
at MoviePoopShoot.com is all I have to say. Last week, Hibbs and
I were hanging out at the store, and he was like “Um, what’s up with
Title Bout? Why isn’t there a new column?” You know, like somehow
I should know. Fortunately, he’s got a new column up this week and
you can read it, and you should because he’s fookin’ hilarious.
And didja notice that thing about the
movie grosses this weekend? It’s not so much that Cradle 2 The Grave
beat out Daredevil for the top spot, it’s that Old School
held the no. 2 spot with $13.9 million. That’s only down something
like 20% from its opening weekend, which is astonishingly strong. Old
School could be the Titanic of college frat comedies. Well,
or maybe more like My Big Fat Greek Old School. Either way,
that’s just a staggering show of legs, it seems to me. I guess I’d
rather focus on that than the fact that Jet Li will probably go 2 the
grave before Hollywood puts in him in a good
movie. Drives me nuts.
Where was I? Oh, right. Comix!
AGENT X #8: The art was okay, but
nothing really grabbed me. I know there’s a thin line between slapstick
and sadism (any Mel Gibson movie will show you that) but, in what seemed
to be an urge to stand out, this didn’t get anywhere near the slapstick
side of that line. Eh.
AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #50: Oy. There
are so many angles to look at this issue from, I can’t draw a bead on
it. I actually fell for the gimmick on this one—whenever the fights
would start, I’d think “okay, so much for the conversation,” and vice
versa. And yet, it really did end up being one of those comics where
I didn’t feel like I got enough of either—the fights were generic Marvel
Team-Up stuff, and the conversation between Peter and MJ felt too
rushed, given short shrift, but in a way it initially felt like more
than what you actually got. All that said, my inner fanboy was going,
“Wow, Dr. Doom, Captain America, and
marital heart-to-hearts all in one issue!” So that alone puts it at
a guilty Good.
AVENGERS #64: It doesn’t get any less
widescreen than The Falcon pounding on a guy in a Scarecrow suit, yet,
apart from a few groaners (The Scarecrow saying he needed a new brain,
for example), I liked this issue. It’s not self-contained by any means,
isn’t particularly civilian-friendly (despite all the work Johns does
to give you a good idea of The Falcon’s history and, on the summary
page, Gyrich’s), but it was a strong Good nonetheless.
BATMAN #612: I still had that “No,
I disbelieve!” reaction from last issue, so this issue’s piss-up between
Batman and Superman wasn’t the easiest going. Just something as slight
as Loeb putting that caption about “I’ve been under Poison Ivy’s spell
myself. Even though you can’t control it, you are aware of your actions.”
at the beginning rather than at the end might have helped me also suspend
my disbelief about Superman not immediately feeding Batman his ass on
a platter. But again, kinda like ASM #50, my poor inner fanboy
couldn’t help but have a thrill at Jim Lee drawing Batman and Superman
and Catwoman and Krypto all in the same comic, so, again, it’s
a guilty Good.
BRATH #1: Well, it’s not like Chuck
Dixon and Andrea Di Vito are being lazy: in 22 pgs. we get a six page
action scene, introduced to four major characters, two obvious villains,
three coming conflicts, a cool pagan Stag God and a full length summary
page (that’s useful) for a book that’s just started. And yet even acknowledging
my biases (I was never a Conan The King type of guy as much as
a Conan The Amateur Thief Who Might Stab You For A Dollar type
of guy), I can’t help but feel there’s something missing here, particularly
for a first issue: everything’s here but a reason to care. There was
no emotional hook for me, so even though it was super-competent I still
have to give it an Eh.
CATWOMAN #16: My few objections (how’d
Selina break that chain? How’d she cover all that ground? Why didn’t
Black Mask just fire his damn guns?) were pretty much just swept away
by Brubaker and Stewart’s sheer brio: that five by three grid (or is
it a three by five grid?) they told most of the story on made the damn
thing move. My only real complaint is nothing in the issue felt
like enough of a surprise or a twist, but there’s nothing wrong with
getting everything you want when it’s done this well. Very good.
CEREBUS #287: Well, Sim/Cerebus is
right: I am more interested in what Sim seems to be saying about Woody
Allen/Konigsberg (and possibly R. Crumb, Art Spiegelman and even Joe
Matt tucked hilariously into some of the corners) than I am about the
convoluted Biblical studies/”meaning of life.” As Sim rounds the corner
to issue #300, I can’t help but feel antsy about where it will all end
up (can Sim manage to tackle one more sacred cow of the canon and reveal
them to be a flawed and female-ruined tragedy before the final issue?)
and yet, honestly, all of the brevity and power of Sim’s cartooning
(I’m still trying to figure out what he’s getting at by throwing the
South Park kids and Eisner’s Ebony into the same panel) gives
me so much to think about, I’d give this issue a Very Good, anyway.
CHARM SCHOOL #7: God love comics. I read this right after Cerebus
and the resulting cognitive dissonance about made my head explode.
Sadly, I can see why I’ve wandered away from this series: I think Elizabeth
Watasin’s style is so well-suited for her tight simple cartoons (like
her A-Girl mini-comix) and yet at odds with the charmingly ambitious
scope of this book. We’ve got yearning same-sex lovers, magickal enchantments,
and a drag race into Hell, but it all seems largely static and inert.
Until Watasin learns to reconcile her style and her scope, I don’t see
how this can rise above a rather sketchy eh.
CSI CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION #2:
A smart, fun read: Collins is perfect for this sort of material, and
the switch-off between artists works well (a few pages of Ashley Wood
makes up for Gabriel Rodriguez’s visual monotony, but Rodriguez’s storytelling
and detail keeps things moving). This passes the difficult adaptation
test (and no, I don’t mean it makes you think of a fat, balding Nicholas
Cage jerking off on a bed somewhere): it’s as good (if not better) as
what it adapts. Very Good.
DAREDEVIL #44: Another satisfying read
from Bendis and Maleev. Bendis may be getting a bit better at putting
smaller payoffs in his larger arcs (the detectives who promise their
superior to behave but can’t help pushing their questioning too far
was a hoot). Very good.
ELEKTRA #20: I love Meglia’s panel-within-panel
trick: it’s somehow flashy and understated simultaneously. Having bitched
and complained about this arc endlessly, I don’t really feel the need
to dredge it all up again. This was all set-up for next issue’s big
fight, which, considering I don’t really have any idea of either side’s
limitations, I’m not really looking forward to. Eh.
FANTASTIC FOUR #66: Yeah, I liked
the Ice-9 spin on the unstable molecules and all, but this issue seemed
surprisingly tensionless: a breezy, easy read with some okay laughs.
I’m not sure if it’s the art or what, but this manages to only successfully
update the Lee/Kirby family dynamic, and gets none of their awe-inspring
whoop-de-do. I think it’s successfully balancing the two that makes
the FF work. OK.
FLASH #195: Something about this issue
felt a little rushed to me (there’s a really good pun in there, I know).
The Flash spends five minutes talking to Hunter and the Mayor’s not
dead? The Top can be taken down by anyone able to close their eyes
and get close enough? And why does the Scott Kolins work not seem as
finely detailed as usual, even with three inkers? I’m glad Johns and
Kolins are getting more work, but I’d be lying if I didn’t think this
book was suffering just a smidge. OK.
GLOBAL FREQUENCY #5: Crap, it must
be hard doing a self-contained comic book every issue. I read this
thinking there was no way in hell Ellis was going to pull off a satisfying
ending out, but, more or less, he did. I can’t help but think Muth
was the absolute wrong artist for the first part of this (it seemed
sooo draggy) and the absolute right artist for the second half. That,
and I think some minor editing concerns (I would’ve put the catatonic
villagers up front, to more quickly create a feeling of something being
at stake) gave a very slow start to what could have been better
than a Good comic.
GREEN ARROW #21: What’s particularly
frustrating about this issue is Meltzer finally gives us a lot of insight
into Ollie’s character that may even cast some light on why the hook
of “The Archer’s Quest” storyline seemed so arbitrary: Oliver Queen
himself is an arbitrary guy, someone so insecure he can’t come out and
say anything directly, and chickens out on his windy way to revealing
something important. What makes this frustrating is (a) Meltzer’s leaving
the book and it’s doubtful this insight is going to be developed; and
(b) frankly, I stopped caring two issues ago. Add that to some particularly
static Hester art and you’ve got work that just can’t escape the Eh
rating.
HELLBLAZER #181: The pieces all fell
together nicely on this one, each page answering the question the previous
pages set up—the game of cat and mouse is really between Carey and the
reader, and it works. It almost seems wrong that this issue felt like
it was taken from a classic Dr. Strange tale (to say more than that
would give too much away), but that’s pretty much the biggest complaint
I’ve got about the story. The art, however, didn’t really do much for
me: I’m afraid if the highest praise I can give it is it didn’t screw
things up, it means I can’t give the issue more than a high Good.
HELLBOY WEIRD TALES #1: “If you enjoyed
the story you just read in Weird Tales, don’t miss the forthcoming series
The Blackburne Covenant by the same creative team!” Ummm…what
if I didn’t understand the story I just read in Weird Tales?
Unless it turns out that “Iosif Dzhugashvili” is Stalin (oh, wait, okay.
Thanks, Google!), which may be info that, although telegraphed, is not
in the story. Anyway, that was the only weak link for me in this anthology,
which includes gorgeous work from Andi Watson and two lovely pieces
by John Cassaday. A very strong anthology for Hellboy fans, I’m giving
this a Very Good.
HULK WOLVERINE 6 HOURS #3: I missed
issue #2, and wow. The Shredder. There’s nothing funnier than a character
called the Shredder, who looks the love child of Cobra Commander and
Edward Scissorhands (there’s a scenario for the fanfic people to go
nuts with). Unless it’s watching a character called The Shredder, as
described above, tug on the starter chord of an outboard motor. Nope,
nothing funnier than that, provided you didn’t actually pay money for
the book, that is. Awful.
JLA #78: Why isn’t DC checking its
covers? This is at least the second time in as many months a DC cover
has misspelled one of the names of the creative team. I can’t imagine
Joe “Kelley” is too thrilled about it, either. And, yeah, that’s about
as incisive as my criticism gets for this issue: it’s a decent set-up
from what I can tell (for some weird reason, it seems I can only follow
up to a maximum of 90% of a Joe Kelly script—it’s like being color-blind
or something), and the characterization is strong this issue. I couldn’t
care less about the Batman/Wonder Woman subplot (from a fanboy standpoint,
even the idea of romance seems like a bad one), I like the Atlantean
Apache Chief, and they draw Wonder Woman’s hair real purty. Good.
KODT BLACK HANDS GAMING SOCIETY SPECIAL:
Not nearly as funny as the regular KODT—it felt dragged out, which stories
from the regular series (apart from online strips) almost never do.
I also suspect this issue is pee-your-pants funny if you’ve actually
been in the military, what-with the boot camp jokes and the completely
useless commanding officer gag. I did laugh, but compared to
the regular stuff, it wasn’t even close. A weak Eh.
KODT MINISERIES PX SPECIAL VOL 1 #1:
Whereas this, at four pages longer than Black Hands, was easily
ten times funnier. Very good.
LEGION #17: With every issue of this
I read, I wondered why I wasn’t picking it up on a regular basis—up
until now. It’s an engaging book, and seems to play well with its own
mythology but that mythology is so damn deep, I recognized maybe one
out of six characters. No wonder why they keep bringing back Ra’s Al
Ghul—he’s a simple enough hook for the regular DCU reader. I advise
them to drop the hype page and put in a summary on this book, pronto.
This thing is too dense to pick up new readers, I think. OK.
NEVERMEN STREETS OF BLOOD #2: It’s
a charming little book, but without the hook of the setting and the
style, it feels almost generic. OK.
RESISTANCE #6: I haven’t read in an
issue of this since #2 (I don’t order it in advance, and I think we
usually sell out before I come in on Friday), and I still like it.
It’s kinda like a super dumbed-down version of The Invisibles,
from what I can tell. I imagine this was the end of a story arc because
it was all ‘splosions and gun fire, but I enjoyed what scraps of characterization
were in there. I want to see where it goes from here. Good.
SAMMY TOURIST TRAP #1: It’s not so
much original as a new mix of old yarns (the thief who gets double-crossed
mixed with the urban legend about organ thievery). But both the clean
art style and the protagonist’s mascot (a cat named Lucky) work against
the seediness such a story probably needs: I felt like I was reading
a slightly squalid Tintin comic, as opposed to a crime story.
Which may be what the cartoonist was shooting for, but for me it was
barely an OK.
SIMPSONS COMICS #79: I’m not really
fond of Simpsons episodes that do the “Tales From The Bible”
or “American Tall Tales” thing, so I’m not surprised I didn’t like this
much. I am surprised however, by how little I liked it, considering
this was from Ian Boothby. I didn’t really smirk until “The Gift of
The Maggie,” and only parts of the Charlie Brown Christmas parody
really struck me as funny (and even then, some of the art didn’t really
wow me—what the hell happened to Lenny?). I’ll assume that my sense
of humor is on the blink and give this a weak Eh, but I think
I’m being generous.
SPIDER-MAN PETER PARKER #53: Too much
set-up, not enough hittin’. Plus, even though this fight was supposed
to be like pay-per-view, was it also rigged? Because I have no idea
why Boomerang stopped throwing stuff and just stood there, other than
it was time for the fight to end. Eh.
STAR WARS JEDI MACE WINDU: Hey, whatever
happened to Space Herpes? You know, that stuff they measured in Phantom
Menace to determine your Jedi potential? Because if you think about
it, a movie in which a pissed-off Samuel L. Jackson runs around
with Space Herpes would be pretty god-damn cool. The idea that George
Lucas got Samuel L. Jackson, shaved his head, gave him Space Herpes,
and then had him do little more than sit around and do play-by-play
while Yoda does color, shows that Lucas knows far less about cinema
than he claims. Likewise, this comic has approximately twenty pages
of Mace Windu, Jackson with all the interesting drained out of him,
talking to Jedi on the fence, and twenty pages of lightsaber fights,
which would be so much more interesting if they were actually what they
looked like—grasshoppers jumping around with colored toothpicks attached
to their limbs—rather than what they actually were, which is Jedi being
manipulated by the insidious blah-blah-blah of the Dark Side. Which
is a whole another Jedi diatribe, how the Jedi can sense everything
thanks to the Force, but any Jedi who’s gone over to the Dark Side can
walk around going, “Here, pull my finger,” and no other Jedi can figure
out what he’s up to until a lightsaber gets drawn. Really no surprise
how they were able to catch Space Herpes at all, when you think about
it. Awful.
SUPERGIRL #79: This would’ve worked
better if Ed Benes could’ve drawn more like Curt Swan in the pre-Crisis
sections, or if they could’ve gotten someone who could catch that classic
Silver Age look. And, unsurprisingly, what with the impending cancellation
and all, this felt a bit rushed. But it was still Good: there
was something very sad and sweet about Linda finding happiness in a
better world, and it really did make me wonder if we’re really any better
off these days with our more “realistic” comics. When it gets to stuff
like Superman and his mythos, you really gotta wonder.
SUPERMAN #190: The great things about
the Super books being weekly is you get to hear me and Bri bitch about
the same things over and over almost every week. There were a few things
here I liked (Superman being so powerful, he’s basically hobbled) but
they were far outweighed by the things I didn’t (Lois seemed wayyy too
bitchy and dependent, I have no idea why they kept throwing in super-power/sloganeering
captions to the point of redundancy, Superman seemed remarkably willing
to kill off sentient beings just because they were robots, and the plot
seemed incredibly dashed off overall). I feel like there’s a strong
effort on the part of the Super-teams to make things work, but with
Superman’s power approaching the level of the divine, and Metropolis
being a futuristic city with robot maintenance workers, there’s not
really anything to identify with. Seriously, guys: let’s think about
a reboot. Awful.
TITANS #50: So the series ends with
a really sloppy allegory about Bush and the drive for war. I find that
kinda sad (like a lot of relevant comics, you figure out it’s an allegory
because the story is so unsatisfying) but I guess it beats the typical
last issue where people either hug and pack, or get killed. Awful.
ULTIMATE X-MEN #29: Cyclops survives
the fall? Maybe I can believe that. He survives for two days without
treatment? I can almost believe that. He manages to make it for twelve
days by eating bugs he finds under rocks? I really can’t believe that.
He’s still alive when Team Blabbity-Blab finds him, over twenty-six
days later? Okay, now I’m back to not even believing he could have
survived for two days. Why couldn’t he have been found after two days
and been in a coma for the next month? Because it would’ve been that
much harder to pad out the issue? Eh.
USAGI YOJIMBO #64: Another great issue.
I figured out the twist exactly as it was happening (mind you, I’m no
Brian “I knew where it was going in the first eleven seconds” Hibbs).
The story was a nifty building block for later in the series, and also
entirely satisfying on its own. Very Good.
VERTIGO X PREVIEW: Why in the name
of God would Hibbs give me this to review? It’s not really a comic
book, it’s a well-designed press release. It has one complete story
in it (a Shade tale by Milligan and Allred) that was cute but
pretty disposable), a lot of previews, and a year’s worth of puff-pieces
jammed under one cover. No rating, but I will tell you I’ll
be first in line for Dave Gibbon’s The Originals: my God, that
looks beautiful.
WARREN ELLIS SCARS #3: Better, a little
less histrionic. The fight scene seemed pretty damn gratuitous at six
pages, but that’s only noticeable because the rest of it has been so
taut. Good.
WEAPON X #6: “In the land of the one-dimensional,
the two-dimensional character is king!” Awful.
WILDCATS VERSION 3.0 #7: Managed to
be just as yucky as Weapon X which is an accomplishment, I guess.
This was also all middle, and what originally seemed like an honest
interest on Casey’s part about corporations and branding is just lazy
riffing in this issue. Awful.
WONDER WOMAN #189: You know, I’m a
sucker for Wonder Woman in anything like those ol’ Mike Sekowsky outfits,
so I’m halfway to liking this issue on that alone. And there I’ve got
to stay, because it was all set-up, with some good stuff (I actually
thought the Aesop’s Fable that justified staying away from drugs was
kind of effective), some not so good (Jerry Ordway is so talented at
giving things a feeling of weight and heft, that skinny little Wonder
Woman actually looks pretty ineffectual waving around a two-handed sword)
and some bad (Diana does a lot of talking to herself, and it’s
kind of a shame that I couldn’t really see the hand of inker P. Craig
Russell in anything, despite all the statues and clay pots and stuff).
We’ll see where it goes from here, I guess. OK.
X-MEN UNLIMITED #42: All right, anthology
time: The White Queen story gets an Eh cuz I liked some of the
ideas in it, and was glad I didn’t have to read a padded-out three issue
miniseries to get them, but I thought the art was pretty sub-standard.
The New Mutants story gets an Eh because there was really nothing
to it but I liked the art in places, the Classic X-Men story gets a
low Eh because I figured the whole thing out from page one and
I didn’t like the art in places (but there was something innocent and
sweet enough about it that I kinda liked it, anyway) and the Professor
X story gets an OK because the art served it well, the ideas were decent,
and I didn’t mind that there really wasn’t any sort of dramatic tension
to the story.
X-STATIX #8: Wow, I thought I was
saving the best for last, but I didn’t like this much. Milligan flirts
heavily with making Venus’ trauma a sexual one, then turns that around
at the last minute, then pushes the sexual side of her and Guy’s relationship
way too fast, and then turns that around at the last minute, too The
Allred art is colorful and fun, and I liked the team interaction just
fine, but the actual heart of the story didn’t seem to be there, and
I always felt like heart was this series’ secret weapon. I’m hoping
this is just a rare misfire on one of my favorite books. I gotta give
it a very surprised Eh.
For
Sake of Completeness, here’s a list of all of the OTHER comics that
CE got in this week, that I did NOT read (and, therefore, am unlikely
to review!). [Actually, this is Brian's standard spiel and I'll be honest
and say that I did read, like, four of them and felt like I had absolutely
nothing to say about them. Can you guess which four? Drop me an email
at jeff@comixexperience.com and if you're right I'll give you an award
of, um, I don't know. I'll mail you a DC Archive of my choice and a
VHS dub of Battle Royale, howzatsound. Can A.K. at MoviePoopShoot.com
offer you that kind of reward for reading the fine print? No, I tell
you, he doesn not!] Note, that in most cases this is limited to 1) Manga,
which I try to read as it is collected; 2) “Kids” comics like most of
the Archies; 3) titles that were subs-only, either by design or accident
[this can include being shorted by Diamond as well]; 4) Porno [oh, like
you need me to REVIEW it!], 5) Things that looked SO bad on the racks
that I didn’t bother, and 6) stuff that I’ve assessed before, and I
care so little about that I don’t want to waste my time reading anymore.
You decide which is which
ARCHIE #533
ATHENA INC #5
BATMAN GOTHAM ADVENTURES #59
BATTLE ANGEL ALITA LAST ORDERPART 1 #6
BATTLE OF THE PLANETS #7
BETTY & VERONICA SPECTACULAR
#59
BTVS #54
DANGER GIRL 3D
DEXTERS LABORATORY #34
DORK TOWER #22
FUSE #5
GI JOE FRONTLINE #4
JLA THE SPECTRE SOUL WAR #2
KARZA #1
KILLBOX #2
KISS #7
KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE ILLUSTRATED
#19
LAUGH DIGEST #182
LUFTWAFFE 1946 #6
MERIDIAN #33
MICRONAUTS #5
ODDBALLZ #6
OUT THERE #16
PANTHEON #12
PARADIGM #6
PARADISE X RAGNAROK #2
PATH #12
RISING STARS BRIGHT #1
RUSE #17
SANDSCAPE #2
STAR WARS REPUBLIC #50
STRANGERS IN PARADISE VOL
III#56
TOMB RAIDER #27
TRANSFORMERS ARMADA #8
VERONICA #137
WITCHBLADE #62
And,
for even MORE completeness sake, here’s a list of books, TPBs, GNs,
magazines, and other things that CE got this week. I generally haven’t
read any of this by the time I post these reviews. Though I generally
attempt to give at least one recommendation amongst the TPBs each week,
since I HAVE read the material at SOME point.
2000
AD #1325
2000
AD #1326
ASTRO BOY VOL 12 TP
CHEWING ON TINFOIL GN
DANGER FORCE FIVE SINGLES CLUB MUSIC CD
DARK SIDE #101
FEMME FATALES MAR APR 2003
FIST OF NORTH STAR MASTER ED VOL 2 GN
GI JOE BATTLE FILES ULTIMATE SOURCE BOOK TP
GREAT COMIC BOOK HEROES SC
GREEN LANTERN THE POWER OF ION TP
HEAVY METAL SPECIAL SPRING 2003
JOHNNY NEMO VOL 1
JUSTICE LEAGUE ANIMATED AQUAMAN MAQUETTE
LONE WOLF 2100 SHADOWS ON SAPLINGS TP
MARVEL MUST HAVES ULTIMATE VENOM
MOONSTONE NOIR MYSTERIOUS TRAVELER
NEGATIVE EXPOSURE VOL 1 TP
PREVIEWS VOL XIII #3
SFX #101
ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN VOL 2 HC
WEASEL #6
WILL EISNERS PRINCESS AND THEFROG SC
WIZARD ANIME INSIDER LUPIN III CVR #6
WIZARD COMICS MAGAZINE X-MEN 2 CVR #139
X STATIX VOL 1 TP
This Week’s TP recommendation is:
Gah. I didn’t read any of these. In fact, I didn’t see ‘em in the
store. If it wasn’t for my suspicion that the Great Comic Book
Heroes SC lacks all the awesome reprints of the original edition,
that’d be my pick. As it is, since Bri’s not here, I’ll pick the Ultimate
Spider-Man Vol. 2 HC for him.
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