Ho, ho, ho!

I had planned to fill this column with my picks for the holiday season, but the holiday crunch doesn’t give me that much time. In fact, I don’t even have time to get on my computer, dig up my list from last year, and come up with new entries for whatever picks might not still be in print. That’s how crazy the season is for me. Or maybe how lazy I am. You make the call.

Either way, it’s time for me to dig into the Fanboy mailbag and try to find something of interest. Fortunately, I just got this the other day from Marvel, and thought it sufficiently interesting (and, just as important, long) to reprint here.

Happy holidays, everyone! I’ll see you in 2002!

-jeff, CE’s lazy bastard

***

Dear Creative Type Person:

Hello and Season’s greeting from Marvel Comics! I’m Joe Quesada, Editor-In-Chief, and I’m writing because your work in the comics community has been brought to my attention.

As you know, our Distinguished Competition recently made an announcement formalizing their closed submission policy—a "don’t call us, we’ll call you" approach to newcomers in the creative field. Far be it from me to put words in DC’s mouth, but it certainly seems as if the message here is clear: "Ooooh, we’re DC, everyone wants to work with us, la la la! We swim around in big tubs of Time-Warner money with intelligent talking dolphins that have America Online built into their snouts! La la la! We’re good enough for you, Joe Q. Public, to buy and read, but not the other way around! When we need talent, we’ll just break out our jewel encrusted rolodexes and contact our snooty established writers and artists at their palatial summer homes so they can crank out another tired Batman miniseries!"

Kinda frustrating, isn’t it?

Well, this is one "Joe Q." who started as a starry-eyed fan, and broke into the business making humble submission after humble submission until I got where I am today—overseeing the most exciting comics and the most vibrant talent this field has ever seen! But if all the companies had had a policy like DC when I started out, I might never have gotten the chance coloring Nintendo comics, getting enough experience under my belt to launch my own company, and eventually making my way to the top of the comics heap. Everyone has to start somewhere, is my opinion, and, frankly, I think new blood is able to bring something fresh to characters and situations that stodgy by-the-numbers old pros or genetically rejiggered cetaceans can’t.

So I’m writing to tell you that Marvel does not have a closed submissions policy. Far from it! In fact, just this last week, Bill Jemas and I put together a program that gives a new spin on the idea of an "open door" submission policy. While Bill had a tailor do the final measurements for a platinum crown that would fit snugly over the aluminum foil cap he claims keeps Howard Stern from announcing his thoughts over the air, we hammered out an idea that I’m, frankly very, very excited to tell you about.

The Marvel Open Universe submission campaign.

Under this newly implemented program, anyone—and I mean anyone—can become a creator for Marvel Comics. Have a great idea for The Incredible Hulk? Now’s your chance to share it with the world. Feel like finally revealing Triathalon’s connection with the forgotten superhero The 3-D Man? We’re waiting with open arms. Feel like exploring what makes Spider-Man tick? Well, get on the stick! The Marvel Open Universe submission program makes it easier than ever for a fan to get a chance at living the dream and becoming an actual creator!

Here’s how it works:

Prepare a three to five page proposal telling us what project you want to work on, and your plans for it. Also, we’ll need two to three pages of sample material showing us what you can do. (Note—this program is currently open for writers, but we’ll soon be expanding it to include artists as well!) And finally, you fill out the Marvel Entrance Exam for Professionals ("the MEEP"), attach it to your proposal and sample pages, and mail the whole package to us.

What happens then is trained professional editors and evaluators go over the material then, based on the content of your proposal, the quality of your samples, and the results of your MEEP, figure out the cost of your bid. An itemized invoice of your bid is then sent to you, along with your materials, putting the ball right in your court. A cashier’s check made out to Marvel Comics in the amount of your bid will secure your shot at making Marvel history! It’s that easy!

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking there’s too many variables, there’s no real way for you to ensure your bid won’t be prohibitively expensive, or even denied outright. But, believe me, we’ve taken steps to make your entrance to the world of professional comics creating as easy as possible. When you send us your $40 intention fee, you’ll receive not just your copy of the MEEP, you’ll also receive "Joe & Bill’s Guide To Submitting to Marvel," a fun 20 page comic that explains exactly what we’re looking for, how we determine your bid, and the best way to tailor your submission for the most affordable bid for you.

For example, many factors in your proposal can greatly reduce the cost of your bid. Planning on killing an established character in a shocking and/or senseless way? You may qualify for our "Cap Busters" program, (resulting in your bid bearing an illustration of Captain America cocking his finger at the viewer and saying "I’ll Bust One In Your Ass!") Under this program, you’ll kill off a longstanding member of Marvel continuity, provided you do so in a title that is either (a) shipping late, (b) under-solicited, or (c) Daredevil, and you do so in a manner that is gratuitous or improbable. Examples include Kevin Smith’s killing of Karen Page, Brian Bendis’ killing of the Kingpin, and Dan Jurgens having Odin fall down the stairs of his fruit cellar. The "Cap Busters" program substantially reduces the cost of your bid since it’s guaranteed to sell more copies and/or generate more buzz for Marvel!

Or try for the "Origin Donor" program, where a far-fetched embellishment or revelation concerning an established hero’s origin can result in increased sales and hype, and therefore a greater reduction in the amount you have to pay us! Suspect that Wolverine’s backstory lays deep in the tangle of a Henry James novel? Feel like making Spider-Man part of a historical legacy of animal based heroes? What if Professor Xavier had been the world’s greatest tapdancer before tragedy struck and destiny called? You may be looking at a bid so cheap, it’ll almost be like we’re paying you to write these stories!

If you have an established or little-known Marvel that you’d like to put in mature situations, the "Max Smacker" program might be perfect for you. Plan on having Nick Fury sleep with a half-dozen prostitutes? Want your character cornholed by Luke Cage? Ready to reveal the Inhumans for the group of kinky wife-swapping hedonists we always secretly suspected they were? Lord knows it’ll sell!

There are also other personal factors, covered in your MEEP, that may also make your bid even more affordable. Did you create an impenetrable TV show popular with IT guys and people with Asperger’s Syndrome? Have you made indy films filled with comics, sex and marijuana references? Do you own an Internet message board with a highly vocal fan base? Have you been burned by Todd McFarlane (other than by buying his comics or tottery action figures)? We want to hear from you!

And don’t worry. You’ll get fully paid by Marvel the same as our established professionals—you’ll just get paid after the comic sells, not before, and if the sales move beyond the level needed to recoup your bid. You see, your bid isn’t a bribe—it’s more like insurance for us, and an incentive for you that you produce the best damn Marvel Comics you can.

Interested in taking the MEEP? Who wouldn’t be! Although not explicitly identified as such, the first recipients of our program are already making a buzz in the comics world. (Why do you think we’d let Jim Shooter work on The Avengers again? It wasn’t based on how well he could dance the mambo!) Although Bill and I are fully behind the Marvel Open Universe submission program, we can’t guarantee it’ll be around forever—the better Marvel’s financial situation becomes, the less likely the top brass will let us go out on this kind of a limb, and the more the status quo will eventually become firmly entrenched. So don’t let your chance to become part of that status quo pass you by! Bill and I want you to join us here at Marvel Comics—the House of Ideas, where we’ll never hesitate to put your money where our mouth is!

Excelsior? Fugeddabout it!

Joe Quesada, Editor In Chief