I am not without my sources, you know.  Many of you think that Fanboy Rampage is some fly-by-night operation, ramshackle business offices of old cereal boxes and pipe cleaners jury-rigged, MacGyver style, into a workable headquarters of comic news and information.  Well, you’re wrong, wrong, wrong.  (For one thing, it’s old dental floss, not pipe cleaners.)

So when my good old reliable fax machine (a used tickertape machine refitted with a roll of toilet paper, old pencil shavings and a 14.4 modem connection) kicked in and started printing out rough script pages of Frank Miller’s future project on the life of Jesus, I had no doubt that one of my long-time buddies from APA-CRAPA had come through yet again.

Now, these pages are very rough, obviously.  In fact, they’re little more than brainstorms on paper, designed to gel ideas or nail down an advance.  Some of the pages look like photocopies of ideas jotted on cruise ship bar napkins, which may help more clever historians than I figure out exactly when these were written.  Also a few notes in the margins addressed to Lynn (one assumes Varley)  suggest that most of the book will be in black and white with the crucifixion sequences turning to full painted color.

Please keep in mind that this project, following as it does Miller’s sequel to Dark Knight, will probably change considerably in idea and execution between now and the time it’s published.  Nonetheless, I feel these pages (presented in the order that I received them) have a certain je ne sais quoi that somehow catches the subtle and elusive style of Frank Miller, and Fanboy Rampage, once laughingly referred to as the house that Cap’n Crunch built, is pleased to be the FIRST to present to the world this glimpse at what will become Frank Miller’s Jesus.

PAGE 523:

Full-page spread.  Silhouette of Jesus falling forward, cross still attached to his arms.  Lightning strikes in the background.

[NOTE IN MARGIN:  Lynn, really go to town on the lightning and the night sky.  Remember, you’re my secret weapon, doll!  Thanks.]

CAPTION:  This should be agony.

CAPTION:  I should be a mass of aching muscle -- broken, spent, unable to move.

CAPTION:  But I’m not.  The rain stamps in the mud like it’s doing a victory dance.

CAPTION:  I’m born again...

PAGE ONE:

A single image, bordered into four vertical panels.

PANEL ONE:  The star of Bethlehem is shining bright in the sky.....

CAPTION:  PROLOGUE

CAPTION:  I don’t remember much about the night that I was born.

PANEL TWO:  as the three wise men make their way towards Jerusalem.

CAPTION:  Which isn’t that surprising, I guess.

PANEL THREE:  The center man put his hand on the wise man in the lead...

CAPTION:  They say it was peaceful all across the world the night I was born.

PANEL FOUR:  Who unsheathes a katana, gleaming, into the moonlight.

CAPTION:  But I’ve seen enough of the world to know better.

PAGE 317/318:

A double-page spread.  Jesus is a dervish in the center of the money lenders.  Scales are being knocked aside, coins spin in the air, freed doves splash heavenward.  Jesus has one man by the throat, and has, with his superior grip, driven another to his knees, and while standing on the hand of a third.

FIRST MAN: aaaa

THIRD MAN: ghaaa

CAPTION ONE: These men, with their eyes like flat coins, learned from an early age to tally any amount.  To count anything.

CAPTION TWO: But they hadn’t counted on me.

PAGE 512:

Three tiers.  First tier is panel one, second tier is panels two through four, third tier is panel five.

PANEL ONE:  The sauna of Pontius Pilate.  Pilate sits naked on a bench, sweating, eating small bits of eucalyptus leaf.  He is bald and obese, and two small boys in skimpy robes fearfully rub his back with cloths.  Jesus, bound and held by two centurions, stands before him.

PILATE:  Well, people are talking about you, aren’t they?  Yes, they are. You’re this King of the Jews person.

PILATE:  Many, many people talking about you. Oh, my.

PANEL TWO:  Tight shot of Jesus looking heavenward, surrounded by clouds of steam.

CAPTION:   This place smells like one huge koala fart.

PILATE (OFF-PANEL):  Saunas are nice, don’t you think?  They are.  I wish I could offer you a seat, although you certainly don’t need to sweat off any weight.  Goodness, no.

PANEL THREE:  Close-up of Pilate, emphasis on his beady eyes as he chews his eucalyptus leaf.

PILATE:  Given my druthers, I’d never sentence such a handsome boy to death.  No, no.

PILATE:  But I suppose you have to make sacrifices for your career, don’t you?  Yes, you do.

PANEL FOUR:  Back on Jesus, looking about expressionlessly.

CAPTION:  Buddy, if you only knew...

CAPTION:  The centurion to the right of me is young and weak.  I can feel his hand shake on my arm.  The heat’s getting to him.  It’d be no trouble to knock him down, get his sword, finish off him, the other guard and Pilate before anyone knew it.  No trouble at all.

PANEL FIVE:  A reverse of panel one, from a lower angle.  With Pilate sitting on the sauna, boys on each side like cherubs, he looks like a funhouse mirror version of God, sitting at the throne of judgment, with Jesus standing before him, awaiting judgment.

CAPTION:  But I don’t.

PILATE:  Many people can’t breathe well in saunas.  But you have good lungs.  And you can handle the heat.  That will certainly come in handy.  Yes, indeed.  I think I have an idea...

CAPTION:  I guess you can think of it as a sacrifice for my career.

PAGE 170:

A full page spread of a naked woman dancing.  She discards veils that float about her like spirits.

CAPTION:  And then she comes on stage, and the musicians strike up, and everyone falls silent, as if in fear for their life.

CAPTION:  Mary Magdalena.

CAPTION:  My Maggie.

CAPTION:  An amazing dancer.  A superb musician.  A storyteller.  An artist.

CAPTION:  And she can anoint like nobody’s business.

PAGE 135:

Long horizontal panels with inset close-ups.

HORISONTAL PANEL ONE:  John The Baptist is knocked backwards into the shallow stream.

SFX:  Splesh.

INSET PANEL ONE:  John squinting, rubbing the blood off his bottom lip with one hand, looking tough.

JOHN:  Is that the best you can do, kid?

HORIZONTAL PANEL TWO:  John rises out of the stream.  Jesus stands with his fists clenched.

JOHN:  I don’t baptize pansies, you know.  It’s going to take a lot more than that.

INSET PANEL TWO:  Jesus looking determined and tough.

JESUS:  Whatever it takes.

HORIZONTAL PANEL THREE:  John and Jesus leap at each other.

HORIZONTAL PANEL FOUR:  Jesus is now knocked backwards into the shallow stream.

JESUS:  oof

PAGE 27:

Four horizontal panels.

PANEL ONE:   Jesus is sitting cross-legged in the wilderness.  The devil, complete with cigar and mustache, is sitting next to him in a plush office chair.

DEVIL:  Think of it, true believer!  Turn stones into bread.  It’ll be the hottest thing until sliced bread!

JESUS:  No.

PANEL TWO:  Jesus and the devil are looking off the peak of a mountain.  The devil has his arms around Jesus’s shoulder and is gesturing with his cigar to the view.

DEVIL:  Look, I’ve got some really hot projects coming up now that my exclusive contract’s expired.  And tons of venture capital, effendi!  We could really take it to the next level.

JESUS:  I’m busy.

PANEL THREE:  Jesus and the devil are standing at the pinnacle of a temple in Jerusalem.

DEVIL:  Just think of it.  You jump off the side of this temple, and we show you in that mid-air thing you do so well, all those robes flowing, and I’ll be like, “Verily, mine is the might and the glory,”-- no wait, sorry, I’m a bit rusty, maybe something with more alliteration-- “Verily, mine is the might and the majesty that my own father doth give to the world to save them.  And they do naught but fear me.  What fools these mortals be!”

JESUS:  Go away.

PANEL FOUR:  Jesus is walking calmly out of the wilderness.  The devil is far behind him, tangled up in bushes.

DEVIL:  The smiling one’s just thinking of your best interests here, true believer!  We’re in a tough business!  Believe me, the public is very, very fickle!

DEVIL:  Excelsior!

CAPTION:  I’m not sure he knows, but the only real temptation was not kicking his ass.

PAGE 489:

Four panels.

PANEL ONE:  Jesus is drinking a goblet of wine and sitting at a bar.  He’s talking to someone off panel.

JESUS:  You know I’m not the type to call in favors.  But this is something I can’t handle alone.

PANEL TWO:  Marv is crushing the helmets of two centurions around their faces while they struggle.

MARV:  Jesus, you know I’m in your corner, buddy!

CENTURION ONE:  aaaa

CENTURION TWO: ghaaa

PANEL THREE:  Marv lifts the two centurions over his head.  Jesus waves a finger at the bartender for his bill.

MARV:  heff..

JESUS:  I’m going to be...away for a little while, Marv.  But I need someone to take care of a certain red-headed loose thread after I’m gone.  And your methods have never lacked...

JESUS: efficiency.

PANEL FOUR:  Marv throws the two centurions out the window.

WINDOW SFX:  kreshh

MARV:  Damn straight!

MARV:  So what’s this clown’s name, anyway?

PAGE 267:

Full-page spread.  The possessed boy is on his knees, as dozens of demonic and animalistic heads float out of him like vapor.  Jesus stands watching.

DEMON HEAD 1:  Our name --

DEMON HEAD (COW):  Mrooo

DEMON HEAD 2:  is Legion --

DEMON HEAD (PIG):  Squeee

DEMON HEAD 3: For we are many.

DEMON HEAD (HORSE):  Eeeeee

JESUS:  Yup, that’s some problem you got there, alright.

PAGE 513:

Full-page spread.  Christ on the cross, a crown of thorns in his hair.  There is blood on his face and hands.  King of the Jews is painted on his chest.  His face is grim and determined.

CAPTION:  Well, at least it smells better than the sauna.

[NOTE IN MARGIN:  Todd, action figure potential here?  Or has someone beaten us to it?]

PAGE 540:

Full page spread.  Judas is on his knees, gripping his broken wrist.  The fallen knife lies beside him.  Marv is standing in the foreground holding the noose.

JUDAS:  aaaa

JUDAS:  Who the hell are you?

MARV:  Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that.  I’m just some bum...

MARV:  Who owes a guy a favor.

JUDAS:  aaaa